Re: need advise...cant decide abt shadi:(
^ I am .
Re: need advise...cant decide abt shadi:(
namaaan man ... ca'nt agree with u there bro ... if this guy is showing signs that hes a douche then i say pack up and go ... if u realy think he has changed then give him a shot cuz everyone makes mistakes
Re: need advise...cant decide abt shadi:(
^ I believe if you love someone then you just don't love their good side but also whole personality which includes their bad side too . So either one should say that no I don't love him . This will make it more understandable to not to go ahead with that . But if you say otherwise , then Own him .
Re: need advise...cant decide abt shadi:(
I sort of agree with Namaan tbh, I guess when their married things wud actually change... never know
namaaan man ... ca'nt agree with u there bro ... if this guy is showing signs that hes a douche then i say pack up and go ... if u realy think he has changed then give him a shot cuz everyone makes mistakes
I disagree as well, Nami.
When you marry someone.........it's not like you "love" your partner's flaws. I think it's more that you're tolerant of them..........you accept them. And what helps to accept these flaws is that the partner has many other POSITIVE qualities for you to focus on as well. So, you're able to tolerate the comparatively smaller issues like the snoring...........the laziness in not cleaning up...........clipping toenails in the living room...........leaving socks anywhere..............because these flaws are not so overwhelming that prevent you entirely from considering the positives.
BUT........when a person.........has negative qualities that are VERY OVERWHELMING................that not only hurt the relationship, but ALSO break your spirit on a CONSISTENT basis............that's not love. And you'll soon reach a point where you find it difficult to "love" such a person. And if you do think that you "love" someone who is frequently abusing you or cheating on you.........that seems more like an issue with self-esteem/insecurity.
Duniyaa piyaar ka liya jaan de deti ha . App qualities ko roo rahi haan . :)
I will totally agree with you if she won't use word ''LOVE'' . Just take it as another rishta stunt . Where you look at pros and cons , and decide on merit . But if you are claiming your love for someone , then live up to it . Own the whole personality , and not just good things .
Let me give u a simple example . We love our country Pakistan . Don't we . We all know its has a lot of bad things . But can we disown it ? Never .
I disagree as well, Nami.
When you marry someone.........it's not like you "love" your partner's flaws. I think it's more that you're tolerant of them..........you accept them. And what helps to accept these flaws is that the partner has many other POSITIVE qualities for you to focus on as well. So, you're able to tolerate the comparatively smaller issues like the snoring...........the laziness in not cleaning up...........clipping toenails in the living room...........leaving socks anywhere..............because these flaws are not so overwhelming that prevent you entirely from considering the positives.
BUT........when a person.........has negative qualities that are VERY OVERWHELMING................that not only hurt the relationship, but ALSO break your spirit on a CONSISTENT basis............that's not love. And you'll soon reach a point where you find it difficult to "love" such a person. And if you do think that you "love" someone who is frequently abusing you or cheating on you.........that seems more like an issue with self-esteem/insecurity.
Re: need advise...cant decide abt shadi:(
Nami I doubt you would give this advice to your daughter. You'd probably track the guy down and have him parade around in a ladies dress as punishment.
Nami I doubt you would give this advice to your daughter. You'd probably track the guy down and have him parade around in a ladies dress as punishment.
PCG I wouldn't , but do you think I am wrong about 'Love' and 'delusion of love' . I am just telling her to make a rational decision based on her feelings . Nothing more .
Rationality says , Don't . Love says , Do it . Its her choice . Isn't it .
Re: need advise...cant decide abt shadi:(
A rational decision based on feelings. <--- oxymoron.
I am also surprise with NaMaan’s advice, are u sure that one only loves once in the life?
And since you he is lucky to win her love for life, she should be punished by putting up with his cheating behavior???
Further more even he could infect her with STD, as reward for loyalty??
Are you saying trust is not essential part of any relationship specially loves and marriage?
This guy is not trustworthy, and she should not gamble her life with him.
I wonder how many guys would be forgiving of their fiances cheating on them. Eh Nami? Tell me, would you be able to forgive your significant other for cheating on you for the sake of "love"? This is not some little white lie that we're talking about. Infidelity is a huge betrayal. It hurts a person's self-esteem. It makes you question your value in your partner's eyes. Whenever you look at your partner, you wonder if he or she is secretly thinking about the person they had the affair with. You compare yourself to the person your partner had the affair with. It's a huge betrayal of trust..........one that can shatter a person's belief of love or even the concept of it.
If someone sincerely loves you, they wouldn't cheat on you in the first place. Sure, there are temptations.......but if the person wasn't strong enough to avoid them......then their love wasn't strong enough either.
I doubt that you would encourage your own daughter or your own sister to stay with a guy who cheated on her.
Your view of embracing someone who is harmful for you for the sake of "love" seems Bollywoodish. I wish things were as wonderful as they appear to be in the movies.............I wish there were as many happy endings, but we live in the real world and this isn't so.
Re: need advise...cant decide abt shadi:(
Do we not know or realize what a cheater is? Unfaithful, liar, deceptive.
Right now you have the option to break it off and move on with your life. What will you do when you're married to this man and he cheats on you again? Sit back, tolerate and forgive him? Run the other way for your own sanity and happiness. You don't deserve a cheating, lying idiot.. noone does. You already have clear signs of what kind of a 'life partner' he's going to be. You can't sacrifice your entire life for 'love' that doesn't even deserve you.
i have been engaged 4 more than two years..the guy is a cousin of mine who propose himself and said that he is in luv...i told my parents to decide..as i had no feelings at that time..my family were happy about the rishta and therefore i got engaged...with time i started to fall in luv with him...ad now i am totally in luv with him...the prob started after one year..we started having fights..he started ignoring me..i came to know that he was having an affair..for past 4 months with a girl at his uni.the girl herself told me.he even proposed her and told her that he will break the engagement.i confronted him and he accepted that he was involved with this girl but he said he was nt serious..he asked for forgiveness and i because i luved him too much forgave him and secondly i didnt want to hurt my parents by breaking the engagement. afterwards our relationship went on with some bumps..but its just that i never was happy again..hhe still sometimes ignores me..hurts me..sometimes he is really sweet too..but most of my time is spent cyring coz of him..but i luv him too much..i am getting married to him in march..ad i just have so many fears that what if he continues to hurt me..but honestly i cant leave him..coz i luv him so much..i feel like a looser...:(...i know he luvs me but he never tries to make me happy..
so girls/guys what should i do...i am just so cofused...i dont want to leave him..but the pain is always there of him being dishonest with me and coz of his cheating and his rude behaviour..but one thing i know he does luv me..but is luv everything :(..please advise (Sorry for the long post)
Run!
Re: need advise...cant decide abt shadi:(
It was a long engagement- 2 years. The guy was still in uni... so he's young, and he checked out the other girls. That's fine to a certain extent too, it's human nature... EXCEPT he took action. He went ahead and got involved with another girl, and he PROPOSED to her. That's a big deal and it is serious! Is he still in contact with that girl? If he truly did learn, he shouldn't be in contact with that girl anymore. Like libran said, everyone makes mistakes and if he learned from it and is repenting, he deserves a second chance.
Maybe if you pretend that you have doubts about getting married... that you might not be ready... Then he might be more willing to tell you if he doesn't want to get married anymore. Maybe his reason for staying with you is that you're his cousin, he doesn't want to hurt his parents or your parents. He could be scared. Perhaps he feels like he's stuck and should go with the flow of things. See how he reacts if you ask him if you two need to wait longer.
Have a friend pray istakhara for you. You keep saying that you love him so much and you don't want to hurt your parents... you pretty much have the decision made in your heart that you want to be with him... that's not really going to work with istakhara. Ask a friend who wants what is best for you to pray istakhara. I agree with PCG that MAYBE the deception and the current treatment is a sign from God, but ask a friend.
Now, in my opinion... the guy doesn't really love you as much as you think he does or as much as he claims he does. If he did, he wouldn't have pursued another girl and said it wasn't serious, like it's some joke. You wrote a couple of times that you're crying over him, he never makes you happy, and he's hurting you. All negative things. So what's positive? He's sweet to you sometimes and he loves you a lot too. If he really loved you, you would never have written all those negative things. And isn't it right before a marriage and at the very beginning when things are so nice and lovey-dovey? Just remember that IF you have serious problems after getting married... in the beginning you'll try to console yourself by saying that he loves you, but later on, you'll forget about that and the happy moments because the pain was greater and more permanent. It's your decision.
Re: need advise...cant decide abt shadi:(
Hmmm.. I haven't read the rest of the replies so I might be repeating something but here are my two cents!
First you say you want to know what should you do and in the next sentence you say you cannot leave him. To me it seems like you have already decided you cannot leave him and you are going for him. Seems like you are just looking for assurance that things are going to be okay.
Logic and common sense would say don't go for it. He has cheated on you once and he can do it again. It may seem he doesn't respect you and doesn't love you enough. I personally think he does love you but takes you for granted, because he knows you'll always be there no matter what. I suggest go for it, though love isn't everything, but cheating on you with a minor affair isn't a very big issue either. Many a woman have forgiven bigger things than that and living happily.
Can I ask you why are you in tears because of him most of the time? When you say he ignores you, does that mean he doesn't show up for dates? doesn't call you when he should? etc???
Can I ask how often do you call him? or meet him? I hope you are not being too clingy? Everybody, especially men, need their personal space and clinginess turns them off.
I would say stay with him but don't let him walk all over you. Don't be sort of woman who never says no to her man, no matter what. Men admire women who have a mind of their own and who can show it too. Be strong, don't run after him. Ignore him for a few days, don't call him, and you'll see he'll call you himself! :) Trust me it works!!!!!
Re: need advise...cant decide abt shadi:(
This is like exactly my story and in my story it was my cousin too. Ended up leaving him.
Re: need advise...cant decide abt shadi:(
ew at cousins
Re: need advise...cant decide abt shadi:(
^
lol yeah I find it weird too
Once a cheater always a cheater 
Re: need advise...cant decide abt shadi:(
Nomi, love ki baat tab aati hai jab samne vala bhi apko love kare.