I got married last year and move to usa. my husband had made my life hell. he always abuse me and argue with me for small things. It happens nearly everyday. he will be fine for 2 days and then fight again and then say sorry and then it happens again.
mostly the fight start like yesterday his sister came to our house to spend a day. I did all the cleaning cooking etc. I welcomed her like my own sister but when she was going she told my husband that I wont come to your house again because I feel like your wife didn’t like that I came to my brother house. after that my husband had a big fight with me.
I cant complain to my parents because this was a love marriage and my parents wanted me to get married to my cousin but I refused. So now if I tell them they my mother will blame me that why I married him .
I got married last year and move to usa. my husband had made my life hell. he always abuse me and argue with me for small things. It happens nearly everyday. he will be fine for 2 days and then fight again and then say sorry and then it happens again.
mostly the fight start like yesterday his sister came to our house to spend a day. I did all the cleaning cooking etc. I welcomed her like my own sister but when she was going she told my husband that I wont come to your house again because I feel like your wife didn’t like that I came to my brother house. after that my husband had a big fight with me.
I cant complain to my parents because this was a love marriage and my parents wanted me to get married to my cousin but I refused. So now if I tell them they my mother will blame me that why I married him .
I don’t know what to do
I need some help and advise
an abusive marriage wont lead to any happiness at all. you need to get out of this marriage asap.
report him to the police for what he has done.
you can work and make your life a lot better.
as for your parents yes do speak to them and do tell about what is happening. dont let these doubts come in your mind that your mother will blame you. parents cannot be angry with their kids for long. so do tell them and inshallah it will all work out for you. ameen sum ameen
as xxi post 3 asked you, what exactly is he doing to you. You need to specify that before we can offer any constructuve suggestions. Verbal abuse, while still bad, does not come close to physical abuse.
If you feel you are in danger, you need to get out immediately. But do share with us what form of abuse you have been subject to.
as xxi post 3 asked you, what exactly is he doing to you. You need to specify that before we can offer any constructuve suggestions. Verbal abuse, while still bad, does not come close to physical abuse.
If you feel you are in danger, you need to get out immediately. But do share with us what form of abuse you have been subject to.
mostly verbal abuse..he will say mean things abt me and my family.
but he slaped me once when he was screaming at me once for no reason and i asked what did i did ..
mostly verbal abuse..he will say mean things abt me and my family.
but he slaped me once when he was screaming at me once for no reason and i asked what did i did ..
Angel - OK, that helps. So we can assumem you are not in any physical danger (ignoring that one slap). As Blessed advised, it is OK to lean on your parents. At least communicate with them. And drop hints about what is happening to you. As Blessed suggested, your mother willmost probably be supportove (after she tells you "I told you so" a few times).
You have been in the US for a year. If possible, make new friends, acquaintances.
I know this may be difficult - but try not to argue back when he gets difficult. If one stops fighting, the other is bound to stop.
Try to develop a friendship with his sister (and any other relatives he has in the US). Once you gain their confidence, this should help your relationship with your husband.
Probably both of you are young - and need some adults (such as your parents) to be a buffer (shock absorber) once in a while.
Maybe you can invite your mother to stay with you folks for few months (with your husband's full approval of course).
And lean on folks like Blessed - she is an Angel - no pun intended.
well like u said he starts begging after 2-3 days and feels sorry ....then i think u should just go somewhere else for a few days (maybe like 1-2 month) and then he'll realize how much he needs you..and when he says to come and he wont do that again just say no, u always say that, and still keep on having fights every other day....and then after sometime, when u think he realizes his mistake and misses u, go back with him... and if he's still the same as before then ...its up to u to do whatever u want ..either give it some more time or just leave him.
mostly verbal abuse..he will say mean things abt me and my family.
but he slaped me once when he was screaming at me once for no reason and i asked what did i did ..
basically one slap apart form that just a sharp tongue... in that case i cant suggest leaving him you guys just have to work thru ur issues
reporting is to the police is not an option here. It will damage your relationship so badly that it might be difficult to recover. I don't feel the time to do that has come. Yet.
Things are always different after marriage. Its only when u live with a person 24/7 that u come to know their actual behavior. Maybe he was always like this only u had never seen this side of him before.
Do you know if anything is troubling him ? It could just be that?
Is his family happy that he married you? Were there any issues/confrontations between his family and you. They could indirectly/ unconsciously be trying to cause trouble.
Maybe he just venting out on you coz he know he can do tht as you are so far away from your family and since it was a love marriage he knows you dont have the moral backing as such.
There could be a million reasons, or no reason at all. You will just have to develop a stronger and tactful mind. Try avoiding him when he is upset, keep at your chores. When he clams down go to him. I know verbal abuse is just as bad. But for him to be able to do that do you clearly suggests, that he is of a stronger mind than you are. You will have to work on your personality and show to him that this kind of abuse will not be tolerated.
That slap is bothering me. Although it was once, its a sign that it could happen. But we all make mistakes so i suggest you do not dwell on it so much. But just be aware.
what kind of abuse ? if it's physical, call police. If it is through words, you need to decide if you can life with that person or not and just listen to your heart.
mostly verbal abuse..he will say mean things abt me and my family.
but he slaped me once when he was screaming at me once for no reason and i asked what did i did ..
kehte hain ke baaton ki talwaar asli talwaar se zaida lagti hai.
u said abuse so i thought physical abuse (though that one slap is bothering me). Perhaps the good idea is to talk to him openly and in detail how you have been feeling and what you have noticed in his behaviour and why he is acting like that....do this when he is in a good mood.
If such conversation leads to no help then as alysha said move somewhere for the time beign and maybe he realises that he is nothing without you and that he needs to give you respect.
also read namazain and pray for your self and and read surah-e-yaseen. inshallah sab theek hoga. ameen sum ameen
Physical abuse is awful, but I find it sad that people on here have an "oh if it's not physical abuse, it's ok then" attitude on here. Perhaps some of you don't know just how damaging verbal abuse can be. It may not give you physical scars but if a victim of it for a long time, it will certainly lead to scars emotionally and mentally and will damage your self confidence and self esteem. No one should have to go through it, and if you have kids in the future, they will suffer too.
To the OP - you need to try and talk to your husband when he is in a calm mood and try and explain to him how he is making you feel. If he loves you and has any respect for you, he will make a concious effort to make changes and start treating you the way any good husband would treat his wife. If he refuses to see what he's doing to you and is not willing to make a change, then you need to seriously consider whether you want to be with someone who will damage your heart and soul in the long term and may do the same to any children you have.
He is not going to change in short run it will take time and effort . You need to seek help from your parents , department of social services , some support groups for abused women etc . Someone other than you has to intervene and talk to him to make him realize he has a problem and he needs help with his anger management issue. Some places offer anger management classes. If this is not controlled at this stage it will keep getting worst . You need seek help and advice as soon as possible from the sources I mentioned above.
Payal has really captured it nicely. Just wanted to edit typos on 2 sentences (only so it will not cause confusion - since meaning changes). Her message is so important and right on target - hence the edits below.
1) When he calms down go to him
2) There could be a million reasons, or no reason at all. You will just have to develop a stronger and tactful mind. Try avoiding him when he is upset, keep at your chores. When he clams down go to him. I know verbal abuse is just as bad. But for him to be able to do that to you clearly suggests, that he is of a stronger mind than you are. You will have to work on your personality and show to him that this kind of abuse will not be tolerated.
PS - no one here is suggesting verbal abuse is OK. We are trying to gauge if the situation as is warrants going to the police. Based on info received so far, it does not seem this is necessary.
Angel - clearly in this forum, people care - and we want to help. Our prayers and best wished are with you and your husband.
