Need all ur advice again… I asked advice of uz all a good few months back about my frnd who got married to her cuzin in pak…
basically to put it in short… They had there nikaah dne last April and she came back to the UK since then he actin like an ass…
Saying that she cant go out, even with her family… he has talked about dicorcing her so many time now that she cant even remember… afew weeks ago as she is geting ready to send the papers for the visa he has asked her to come to pak as he wants to see if he wants to marry her or not and if he doesnt he will say to eveyone that it is because of her that they not geting married cause she is not right, her thinkin is not right…
Then last Friday he phoned her at midnight and was abusing her again, saying that he has had enuf, of it was some othe guy she wud be divorced ages ago, she will never be happy, she will stay in her parents home for ever…
He cames on lying, changin his stories, mental abuse…
Wat makes at worse that she dusnt have the support of her sisters only her frnds… Now with everything she has the courage to tell her parents and she told her mum, she has now decided that she dusnt want to marry this guy…However her sisters are still admnd that she will be marrying thsi guy ans saying that she shud have known this stuff, now she is thinkin if her sisters wont support her why wud any1 else… even though us frnds are with her…
What i am asking is that what should I say to her…
i think you should show her that u support her decision and its the right one shes making. be a good friend, must be quite hard for her. and if you get along with her sisters speak to them as well you can try and can them to understand what an idiot this guy is, so tht way she has the support of her sisters. tht might make things easier.
hmm no offence to ur friend but if shes a british girl why did she leave it sooo long? why didnt she tell her mum n dad wht was happening ryt from day 1? explain to her n the sisters tht if any guy treats a girl like tht via phonecalls wts he gna be like in person and how rubbish will her life be then!
she should dfo dump his sad ass and tell her to carry on with her life!
Do her parents know? Are they on her side?
Why are her sisters so insistent on her being with the guy?
What does SHE want to do? stay with him or break free?
I was in a similar situation, except that I never got engaged in the first place due to having cold feet. My whole family was trying to convince me to marry this guy (my cuz) and I said 'NO'. They all got pissed but at the end of the day I am so happy I did stand up for mysef, even though i took years of abuse from my extended family. She should get rid of him asap and not apply for him. Had she had the Rukhsati?
Her mum knows now she told her 2 days ago, her mum in pak rite now so she said that she will speak to him and see what is going on.... an the reason that she hadnt told her parents was that her mum was usually ill and this guy is her mum brothers son.....
Well from the last time I psoted here we had though that he had calmed down that wasnt the case she jus hid it, but now she wants to end it...... what she is saying that if this guy talks about divorce when he gets angry on the phone then what is he going to do when he is her.. beat her up.....
he a psycho..... he has no respect for anyone...... when she said once that if i tell my parents what u say he said no1 going to believ u as every1 knows that u r batameez and this and that and whn she said my dad will blve me he went on and said main kisi ke baap se nahin darta........
He a plonker but i feel that the pressure that she mite get from her family saying divorce yeh hain woh hai even tho they havnt had there rukhsati just there nikaah mite make her not get rid of this ass.....
^ Tell her not to fear and think of her happiness. If I was with an abusive man, physical or mental, I would find myself better off single then tortured. Allah swt takes care of his own and he will take care of her too. NO WHERE does it say women should stick it out in bad relatioships and be with horrible men.
She needs to take a stand for herself, talk to her mother, father, sisters and friends. Let them know her decision and if they support it, wonderful! If not, thats okay. No one has the right to dictate how a person lives their lives. Her siblings are not the ones marrying this guy or giving birth to his kids so they have no right to impose their opinions on her. It will be tough but I would rather see her happy and healthy rather then in this state. If a man can threaten divorce without a whim even before the rukhsati then imagine if he actually goes through with it one day? What if she is pregnant at the time? All that hard work for nothing?
what a *******. she must tell her to hit the road and split get lost his crazy self, once and for all. she must divorce him, till he cannot be divorced any more!!!she needs to hit it where it hurts really good. and next time, choose a better mate. family with her or not, she cannot take this abusive behavior. unless she takes any action that can set this dude in his right place, he will continue to be this joker type. let him figure out his control frenzy and abondon him at once. unless he is a psycho path, his huffing and puffing will dissipate, once she has stood for herself.
and on top it, he will be a loser like many other rotten males, who cannot appreciate a companion, so such people, end up losing the companion, altogether.
her safety comes first.
dil cheez -** MAKE SURE** your friend doesn't marry this "guy", it does look like he's playing mind games with her & enjoying doing it, & believe me, guys hate mind games, which leads me to the conclusion that he a repressed homosexual, seriously, no joke.... he's probably one of those overtly gay, hand gesturing, **y hairdresser types in reality but using this pathetic, **** of a man act to cover his true urges. Believe me, he's being like this because he was probably pressured into marrying the wrong cousin........ he wanted to marry his other cousin, the one he played cricket with when they were young, the one with the big mouche........& hairy chest....& hairy ba....
I could be wrong, maybe he's really scared of getting close to his new wife, in which case he probably has some...or at least one very short shortcoming, poor *******.
Either way, she should end it now, guys like that don't deserve a good girl (assuming your friend is one). The only thing they deserve is chains around there ankles, huge piles of rocks to break during the day & a huge inmate called BUBBAH to 'service' during the night, nothing less.
New update people......
my frndz mum phnd her 2dy and started goin on about how she been tellin her frndz about her problems......... i dont know what her sisters are playing at an why they tellin her mum tht she takin to us ect....... her mum started saying how people will talk..... i feel if she stops takin to us, her sisters dont understand thn she will bcme all depresed.....
I think there are bigger issues here than what ppl are goin to think.. what will ppl think when 1 year down the line she is gettin divorced??
I feel, if her sisters dont care the way they should, she shouldnt worry about talkin to close friends cause thats what we all do.. its a NORMAL thing.
I dont understand y here sisters are like this, no1 wants to be in a situation like ur friend, so y cant they be supportive.. weird.. it would help ur friend ALOT if they were .. as they would be her backbone AT HOME
Hopefully everything will turn out well for ur friend.
Sounds like she does not have here mind straight on this one or we do not have full information.
Which girl would want to still be in this type of situation?
A- She had only nikah and does not live with him and they have no kids involved.
B- She is an adult by legal standard. (assumption)
C-She lives in relatively speaking free society.
D- She is listening to her sisters and no particular reason is disclosed why they want her to keep the relation.
E- Parents motives in unknown.
F- Did she ever say to him go ahead and lets have divorce with our both agreement?
G- His motive is not clear since he threatens but does not act on it so everyone can be happy.
OR
H-Is there something else we may not know like she is just making it up and has different interest herself but telling her friends something else?
Why her whole family including her parents and sisters seem to be on his side and what we know is that he is just being an @$$! Something does not click here.
First of all her dad know absolute nothing about this and neither does her brothers, its jus her mum and her 2 sisters.......
The reason why her mum thnks that she shud go ahead with this is that she belvs like all mthrs that u shud try and try.... divorce is the last option.....
Her sisters on the other hand I have absolute no idea why thy r sayng and doing what they r doing......
She did say to him once that you keep on saying it why dont you do it and he said main to mazak hee karraha ta.......
The thing about my frnd she has alwys been a free spirit, did always what she wnted, spoke her mind.... she was never close to here sisters, her frnds where like her sisters........ this has changed her.......
she once heard her sisters saying that this guy is too good for her......
what wud u do if u heard ur sisters say thngs lik that.....
First of all, a man who threatens divorce as a mazaq will one day give it. Trust me.
Second, her sisters are jealous of her. Why? I dont know. I know this may not sound like the nicest thing to say but I think they are. Sibling rivalry and other issues exist between the sisters which is why they were never close and are now opposed to her getting a divorce. Really, its none of their business and she needs to realize that. Anyone that will not take full responsibility for his actions needs stay away from this. Why? Because the girl needs a clear head to think about what SHE wants, not the people around her. Divorce is not a joke and no one will be there to pick up the pieces for her later. Her sisters will say whatever they want but guess who has to live or live without the guy? Your friend, alone.
Tell her to go away for a couple of days somewhere, think about this, make up her mind and take it from there.
