Need Advice- Wife Issues

Lifestyle Relationships
21

Re: Need Advice- Wife Issues

In my opinion, what you should do is learn to ignore her completely as if she does not exist as entity even when she is around. Do not talk or discuss anything with her. Come home and watch TV, eat and then leave to visit your friends, family members, or parents. If you do not want to go out, watch TV or do what you like, but no conversation with her. When visiting someone and anyone ask about your wife, just make any excuse. To annoy, you can even visit her parents without her, enjoy your time there, and when you return, do not mention anything, even if she asks.

If you can, even sleep separately, maybe in living room on sofa or in spare room if you have one. If hungry check kitchen and eat if something cooked and if nothing is cooked, eat out but never ask her if anything is cooked. No help in household works, just ignore everything, even that dirty tea mug or plate in living room sitting there for a week or more. Never ask for anything, not even tea, though if she makes something and offers you, just take it without any response. If not, than make your own tea, and after having your drink leave the mug where it is and next tea means next mug. Get things accumulated. If no mugs are left then just wash one mug for your own tea.

Make sure she feels a non-entity as far as you are concerned.

I am sure she would get annoyed. If she says that anything wrong with you, say no, and then with a pleasant smile tell her that all is fine and life is good. If you can, talk to your friend on phone in front of her and make her believe (from your conversation) that you are talking to a female friend of yours. If she asks, tell her that you were talking to your friend (name of any male friend). If she show doubt or shout, ignore her or leave the house.

Just behave as if you are happy with the situation of her being non-entity for you and everything is fine as far as you are concerned. Sometime you can even buy food from outside (takeaway) for one person, bring home, and eat alone. If she says anything, look at her, make face and then ignore. Keep this for few months and see what happens.

What I think is that after couple of months getting ignored or living as non-entity, she would burst and start complaining, shouting or fighting (remember, she do not know what is in your mind). If that happens in earlier stage, just stand up and leave the house. Anyhow, after few months when she burst, complain and start shouting or fighting, tell her that you think that she was happy and that is the life she wants. Make sure to tell her that it is fine with you too as it is.

If she says that she do not want such situation then only discuss, tell her that, one cannot clap with one hands, so if she wants change than she has to clap and join you in your life ... don't say that we join each other in life, rather say that she join in your life ... that is different matter that if she try to change, you can also change and bring her in your life before you get in her life.

If things stay the same and you feel that she does not care than you have to think if you would like to be with her all your life or not. But separation or divorce would become easy, as you and she would be prepared for the situation going through separation of such kind for couple of months.

Again, that is what I would have done (just to know what she really wants or has in her mind). If you think it makes no sense (making her non-entity in your life to check what she really wants) than tackle the situation you think appropriate.

22

Re: Need Advice- Wife Issues

^Do ya really want the guy's wifey to run to her maika and tell mummy pappa about how her husband is talking to a female fraand? How would that go down when he tries telling them she's imaginary? :/

That suggestion can backfire.

23

Re: Need Advice- Wife Issues

nitrousisloo101

Was there any time when your family or just your parents or any family members hurt her and is that why she is uncomfortable around them? Think back to the beginning. Have they ever tried to be close to her as their daughter in law? It should be both ways. Do you also avoid her family events? Or do you see yourself as part of her family as well?

24

Re: Need Advice- Wife Issues

What he tells her? He was talking to his friend (male friend). So, he stick with that story.

But then, if she complains to her parents and they come to him to confront, he can tell them with simile that what she told them is just her imagination, and that she hallucinate. He can make some innocent fun of her too in front of her parents. ... but then, ideally he should try to be away from her parents while she is around.

25

Re: Need Advice- Wife Issues

That is soooo twisted. :nahi:

26

If I were you, I would talk to her parents about this issue in a very polite, mature and respectful manner. Ask them if she has any complaints about you, is there anything she wants you to change and all. Also tell them that it's becoming hard for you to keep the balance and you don't want to be in a situation where you would have to live without your parents (they should get the hint of the consequences of her behavior at this point hopefully).

27

Need Advice- Wife Issues

Sa1eem...What?! Two wrongs don't make a right. Who has time for games.

28

Re: Need Advice- Wife Issues

Listen to him!

29

Re: Need Advice- Wife Issues

^ This. :k:

30

Re: Need Advice- Wife Issues

Good GOD that is cruel and awful advice!

31

Re: Need Advice- Wife Issues

TLK gave a good advice but if it won't work just separate your bed first and make her feel for what she did.

32

Re: Need Advice- Wife Issues

How about a married couple try putting each other first, rather than other family members?

Maybe if we prioritised the first 2 years of our married lives this way, as in, made each other the number one priority... we'd remove a lot more problems.

Forget the parents, forget each other familes. Concentrate on one another.

Maybe, life would be a lot better that way?

33

Re: Need Advice- Wife Issues

This is really bad advice...the worse I have seen so far. This is a real marriage we're talking about.

If you are a results oriented person, this will not work for you.

If your objective is to correct her behavior, do not follow what's listed above as all it will do is make rai ka pahar.

If your objective is divorce...please follow.

34

Re: Need Advice- Wife Issues

Sir, you need to put a leash on your lady. The shorter the better.

35

Re: Need Advice- Wife Issues

I do not think my advice is bad. :)

I believe most (if not all) girls after marriage like to have their control over married life and also like control over their husband, even when they do not say that in clear words. On the other hand, groom and particularly his mother like that son have control over wife and also married life.

None of the two are wrong in their desires. Ideally, relation should be a friendly relation where both are equal living on basis of give and take, but ideal situation in world is seldom there.

Anyhow, many (if not all) girls think that if they can detach their husband from their family than it means husband is under their control, or truly belongs to them. Many try in the beginning to play difficult, but give up over time and become part of husband’s family. There are also occasions when husband get detached from their family and becomes completely under control of their wives (‘jaru-ka-ghulam’) and then girl might give some space to grooms’ family too.

In most cases, bride’s family also wants that and are partner to this power struggle. So, most of the time talking to girl’s parent makes no difference other than verbal assurances.

I think, this is what happening here too, where a wife is trying to detach her husband from his family and take control over him and married life. She probably believes that husband would give up to her tactics and slowly she would have complete control over her husband. Only thing is that, she is trying to achieve her goal aggressively. That is my guess.

I believe if husband would start showing detachment, she would feel that her trying to dominate the marriage aggressively is backfiring, and then it is possible that she would compromise. But if she accepts such detachment than it means, it is not just her playing to dominate married life, but there is something wrong with her.

36

Re: Need Advice- Wife Issues

Thanks all, yet again for so much suggestions coming in.

If I think with my clear thoughts, the suggestions given by Sa1eem are risky and I do not forsee any positive result from this. Its like playing mind games without achieving anything. There are however a few very good things suggested by Sa1eem as well such as getting mind off and spending time with family and friends.

As per TLK advice, I have already done that in a polite manner, but her parents are supporting her by instead of telling her off, they are keeping quite. In my view there are 2 things that are the main cause of problem. 1. my wife's attitude and 2. her mother slow poisoning her all the time. My parents do not wait a minute to tell me off if I say something wrong, but her parents on the contrary, despite of me making them aware, start talking against me and my family behind my back which encourages her more.

Well the tea is today in few hours and lets see what happens. But I am not going to take any wrong behaviours today!!!!

37

Re: Need Advice- Wife Issues

I have trouble digesting the fact that anyone's parents come down the ladder and the spouse is made the sole priority. It is VERY easy to maintain all relationships post marriage as long as both parties involved are sensible adults.

Given that the wife in the scenario here isn't acting sensibly (she does not even live with them) then I don't see why a husband should have to "forget" his parents for the sake of his wife... Parents did the raising, they deserve to be a part of their children's lives.

If weekly visit to/ from the in laws is too much then some people should really evaluate if they are mentally healthy enough for marriage.

38

Re: Need Advice- Wife Issues

Sure, let's just forget the only people who have loved us unconditionally, who have raised us, who have literally cleaned up after our ****, who we owe everything to. Let's just forget them and be grateful to these angels who bless our pitiful lives with their presence.

39

Re: Need Advice- Wife Issues

Why should parents and family be forgotten??? I don't get it. Is it taking away that much from a person to see that a girl and a guy were whole people and had loving families taking care of them before they met each other?? Family is important. While we're at it let's just throw our parents in old age homes when they get a bit old so we won't even need to hear from them.

I've seen situations that are the exact same but roles reversed where the husband couldn't give a care for the wife's family. Like she was born only to be his wife and whatever her life was before she met him he didn't care about and that she was only a part of his family now as wife, it didn't matter whose daughter or sister she was. What makes people think like that?

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Re: Need Advice- Wife Issues

^She doesn't mean forgotten, just not the first priority.. An example would be not asking parents before your partner when making important decisions..