Re: Need advice for a friend travelling for a guy
Listen mate, this all seems dodgy right. The guy broke up with her, but as soon as she got her citizenship he comes back? I am not saying Shaadi.com doesn’t work, but seriously, deciding to marry without even meeting once or twice? I don’t think the guy sounds poor or something, couldn’t he have visited her in USA to see how she lives, her lifestyle etc? How can even the guy say yes to all her demands and comply with everything without knowing anything? It doesn’t sound right. Right now he’s saying it is her choice, but as soon as she gets married to him, her choice will probably stop being mattered. It will be him in charge, him in control and she will have to go along because she’s married to him now. Tell her don’t be stupid, you break up with guys etc but it doesn’t matter that much, you divorce and get out of a marriage, that is a big deal - not because of what people will say, but because it has a bad psychological effect on your mind and you start thinking negative things like maybe it was because of me, maybe I was at wrong etc when when you aren’t.
I don’t know how good of a friend you are to her, but try telling her a bit more. Where is her family? Her parents? Her sister in Pakistan, isn’t she concerned about what her sister is up to? As a friend there is only a certain limit to where you can advice and help your friend, after that you cannot and I understand that. No one wants to get involved deeply into other people’s affairs, that also dodgy international ones, but seriously, tell her to stop being insecure and thinking like this that she won’t ever find someone and this is it - do or die. There’s other ways to find proper proposals too, or find matches. The route she’s chosen, she doesn’t really know what lies waiting for her at the end. There’s a huge risk of the unknown. I totally agree that it would have been a different matter if the guy was in the US and she could jus hop on a domestic flight to go see him and meet him 2-3 times this way, before taking the plunge, but this is crazy.
Easy to make promises, very hard to go through with them, especially when so much is at stake. I just think my gut instinct is telling me that the guy will tell her to he wants to go to America. She’ll have to apply for spouse visa or something, as soon as he gets his green card, things will change. But to each their own, if she wants to take a plunge in the deep end, up to her.