Need advice - am I being unreasonable and unfair?

[Paheli00]

Re: Need advice - am I being unreasonable and unfair?

@DolphinX

1. At the moment no, it wouldn’t be possible to move out and support ourselves.
2. Yeah he knows, and he says it’s fine I can go to sleep when I want to, but we just end up lying in bed talking until late anyway - I just can’t help it.

1. Ok well since you two don’t have the $$ to support yourselves financially, there’s no point in even bringing up the topic of moving out. Until your husband and/or you get a job that gives you enough money to support yourselves financially…as well as a baby…that’s when you can consider bringing this up.

2. Since you admit that YOU are you the who “can’t help it” and end up having a conversation with him while lying in bed, then you can’t really blame your husband on not getting enough sleep. As his wife, you know he expects you to be up by 9:00 a.m. So its your responsibility to make sure you get to sleep on time so you’re not having trouble waking up the next morning.

@DolphinX

Another thing hubby complains about is the fact that I take no interest in learning new recipes that his mum cooks - when I say that I know how to make what I would make for my family (i.e. me, him and our future kids) he gets angry and says that his parents like this food therefore I should learn to make it.

I hate to break it to you but since you CHOSE to marry this man…his parents are also your family now (especially since you knew before marriage that he expected you to live in a joint family system and agreed to it). Did you honestly think that you would make separate food for yourself, him, and your kids while living in the same house!!! Would it hurt you in any way to learn a few recipes from you MIL? It will win you brownie points not only with your husband…but also from your MIL.

@DolphinX

4. He simply didn’t eat it - I remember getting so worried and angry at him before we got married when I would learn he would just stay hungry and not eat if there was nothing made at home. I used to promise him he’d never go hungry after we got married, but clearly it’s still happening now because his mum doesn’t like the fact that we make our own foods.

You make it sound like your husband was literally starving before he married you! The fact remains that he managed. His ENTIRE life…from birth until the day you two signed the nikah papers…somehow your husband ate enough food to survive. I can see why your in-laws are pissed off about this food situation. As soon as you move in, you’re making separate dishes for your husband and even ordering take-out…while he himself never did that. You mentioned things like pasta, pizza etc… Do you know how to cook ANY desi dishes (meat or veggie)?

Overall…yes, I think you’re being unreasonable. While I do understand your frustration with the little situations…I think the compromises your in-laws/husband are expecting you to make are very reasonable. You said yourself that you don’t have any major problems with your in-laws…so the little things like cooking and language barrier, they can be easily fixed if you put some effort into it.