Re: Need a word of advice to avoid future problems
wrong thread
Maybe she is going for lunches and dinners with her colleagues as a part of her job?..
come on yaar, if u talks abt religion (mehram/na mahram) then there is no other excuse u u just have to follow Islam.
i dont think the issue was her seeing her fiancee without pardah or even going out with fiancee because of na-mehrami.
They seem like a liberal family, and the fiance and the girl have met and talked to each other before...
the kids lied to their families, so they could be alone (understandbly for a romantic just for two birthday dinner)...
but the misinformation provided did cause the family some aggravation or worry...
and the family must have wondered why are both of them telling lies to meet alone?
could it be that they are thinking of taking the relationship to the next level even before marriage?
or could that sort of thing happen even if they are not thinking/planning it?.
.. so i can see thats why the mother in law is asking her son not to meet his fiancee alone now (after he has been found to lie to meet her alone once)...whats the hurry, they are going to be married sooner or later anyways...
parents have to protect their kids....what if things do get out of control...and the relathionship does unexpectedly move to the next level when both of them are alone before nikah...parents have to think of al scenarios...
as far as dinners with colleagues go, you don't usually go out with just one person...very rarely, its usually groups of colleagues, or your whole department... and its part of the job and your corporate culture etc to participate in such things...as long as her sister in law is not lying about these things to her mother, i dont think the sister in law can be compared to the situation certifiedcute had created for herself...
if you are going to start a mehram/namehram debate, then according to that her sister in law shouldn't even have a job, and should just quit working, because when u work you do have to interact with your male colleagues/superiors (who are technically na mehram)... if you go to school then u have to interact with your male profs (na mehram again)... so should her sister in law drop out of school or quit work now? the whole sisterinlaw thing is just so irrelevant to the problem that cutecertified was facing after providing misinformation to her own parents....
Re: Need a word of advice to avoid future problems
^ actually for work and education purposes, its allowed (I think).... as long as there's no "extra" talking or whatever......
I can understand why your and his parents freaked out. It wasn't the actual dinner, they prob just felt deceived. and parents will always think 'oh man agar iss choti baat pe dhoka dey sakthe hain then who knows what else they could lie about?'
As for his sister, she prob has low self-esteem and the only place she has some 'power' is in her house. it's her boat and your presence is rocking it a bit. so try to give her some importance so she doesn't feel her power is slipping away. that way when u do need some time alone or some any other kaam, she will be more likely to agree.
For now, I would try to slow down the frequency of contact a bit...sometimes too much contact makes a person lose 'qadr' and also inflames tensions esp when everyone is kind of sensitive. Less contact = less potential problems. write on your calendar 1 week of no contact initiated by cute, and check off each day!! cuz sometimes it's almost an 'addiction' to call everyday u know
As for his sister, she prob has low self-esteem and the only place she has some 'power' is in her house. it's her boat and your presence is rocking it a bit. so try to give her some importance so she doesn't feel her power is slipping away. that way when u do need some time alone or some any other kaam, she will be more likely to agree.
I dont understand how you are coming up with this conclusion?
the sister was acting out of love... there were shootings going on around their place.. if my sister or bro were out, id freak out just as much.
What has that got anything to do with self-esteem? And it's not even a power battle... I have a sister and a bhabi, and i would never think i was losing some power battle...
I just scrolled thru and it seemed like the sis was making a big deal out of the namehraami-ness even tho before it wasn't a prob...and also the girl wrote that even her father-in-law had warned her about the sis being meddlesome...it's too long to read in detail, but if i'm not right, it's ok...i think my advice is still true generally (ie. give respect and importance to others, and be honest).
well based on what she tells, it seems rather like she has low self esteem (for reference you can see what Sara quoted her for saying abt the SIL's looks etc)
Re: Need a word of advice to avoid future problems
Plan ur life urself rather thn take it by default
As'salamuAlaikum
Bhai Walaikum us Salam beta
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