As’salamuAlaikum to everybody on GS,
I want to share something with all of you here and want some sensible advices. My fiancee and i love eachother so much, last sunday was his birthday so we went for a dinner. my mother knew it that we’re going out, i ask my mother everytime when we go out and she’s always ok with it.. same is with my dad, he doesn’t have any problem with me and my fiancee going out for lunches or dinners. but it was just that i didn’t want to tell him straight away that me and my fiancee are going out, i told him that me my mother in law and my sister in law are going out for a dinner.. we left at 10 [the two of us] and when we were having dinner at a restaurant my mother in law called at my fiancee’s cell phone.. the battery of his mobile was low and it suddenly switched off, his phone was silent and i didn’t know that his mum was calling. anyways we finished at 11:30 and when we both were in the car my mother in law started calling on my cell phone. I asked my fiancee why’s mama calling? she never calls me at such late timings, he said don’t pickup the phone lets go home now. alright i was 10 mins away from my house [restaurant was not that far away from my house] and in those 10 mins my sister in law called at my father’s cell. and asked him “where is cute?” * my dad said she was supposed to be with you. [let me add she’s unmarried and she’s 28 years old now.. elder sis of my fiancee, and she doesn’t ever want to get married. my fiancee is 3 years younger than her] so, my sis in law got soooo angry.. and she said to my dad “uncle yeh koi tareeqa nahi hay, aap dantain usko yeh karain woh karain, humaray ghar mein aisa nahi hota + humaray ghar k paas bohat firing ho rahi hay aur woh log phone nahi utha rahay.. etc” my dad stayed calm and said let me call her jaisay hee woh aati hay, main aap ko call karta hun aap pareshan nahi hon. then my dad started calling me and when he called me 3rd time i was outside my home door. my dad didn’t say a word to me, he only said “beta usko apnay ghar mein batana chahiya tha na k tum dono ja rahay ho.. us k ghar walay pareshan ho rahay hain aur uski behan bohat ghussay mein hay” then my papa called her and told her that he’ll be there [my fiancee] in just a few minutes. still she was very angry.. my fiancee went to his friend’s house and called me from his friend’s phone to ask the situation at my house and whatever happened. i told him everything.. he was so embarrassed to face his mother and sister, because in the evening when he was taking his mum and sis back from lunch [they 3 went for lunch that day] his mum asked what are your plans for the whole day? he said he’s gona go to his friend’s house for some office work and then he’ll come to my house as i’ve bought something for him, so he’ll come to pickup the gifts and meet me.. my sister in law suddenly said, ok i’ll also come with you to meet her. my fiancee called me in the evening at around 7pm and said, “oh sis ko main nay bataya k main aaj tumharay paas aaunga to woh keh rahi hain main bhi chalun gi [adding for your knowledge that she has never said such thing before that she’s also coming with him to meet me], i said to my fiancee that please not today, bring her any other day you want.. but i’ve planned a lot of things for today. my fiancee didn’t like my answer, he just said alright.. let me do something.” i texted after his call that please don’t be upset, you know you’re all welcome anytime but just today i want you and me to go out/ or meet at my home. he replied after maghrib prayer that he’ll be coming to pick me up in 15 mins. i said no - i’m not yet ready, pick me up at 9:30. it was all good until we were back from the dinner. but when my fiancee went back home after dinner and his friend’s house it was all messed up at his house.. his mother said only 1 sentence “tum nay mera bharosa tor diya aaj” and he started crying… and saying sorries… and apologising… my mother in law is really so nice but i don’t know why didn’t she allow him to meet me even on his birthday.. although my inlaws aren’t that islamic - means they pray 5 times salaah and they wear proper islamic clothes but they never were like this. like my sister in law goes out for lunches and dinners with her office colleagues and my mother in law never said a word to her. why is she putting restrictions on my fiancee then? anyway, my fiancee got free from all that at 4 o’clock in the morning.. and texted me, i called him back and asked what happened is everything alright there? he said, yes i had to make a promise to mama that we won’t meet until we’re married. he took this decision on his own without even thinking about my feelings.. as he knows for sure i never go against his wishes, i do as he likes me to. i never say a word to him. i always respect his decisions and his family too. and in fact, i really love his family too. I’m as usual agreed to whatever my fiancee has promised, his promise is my promise. well then next morning i called my mother in law and said sorry for last night. she said “she was shocked at what happened.. gehra sadma pohncha hay unhein, she said he’s still na-mehram for me, aur agar hum dono apni nand ko saath lay jaati to kia ho jaata aakhir? aur kaha, main nay tumsay kabhi nahi kaha laikin tumhein khud sochna chahiye k mera beta saari raat jaagta hay [unhein lagta hay meri waja say.. jab k woh to office say hee 2am aatay hain aksar, after late sittings. and he offer isha prayer and then recite holy Quran and sends me a few text msgs and sleep” we don’t even talk on the phone daily.. only saturday nights] even then, i kept on listening to her and replied “jee mama” i was crying throughout the phone call of 30mins and she only said, main tumhein daant nahi rahi hun samjha rahi hun. well when the phone ended and she was doing breakfast with my fiancee she said “main to dantun gi usay, beti hay meri” my fiancee got so much happier that i made that apology call to his mum. but the thing now bothers me is that, why does my fiancee only listens to his mum and sis? her sister has said really hurting things to me in the past 2 years. and i haven’t said a single word to her because she will then say “main behas karti hun” me and my whole family has never fought with eachother and we’re brought up in such a way that my mum taught us never to say a word to mother in law and sister in law, even if they’re wrong.
2ndly, i have never discussed about my sister in law saying hurting things to me to my parents/ sister / friends. i always say my in laws are the best in laws. and my fiancee is the best person on earth my eyes could see. I recently told a friend of mine who comes to study with me at my place, i told her that my sister in law has done all that with me, and my fiancee always says “main un ki jaga sorry karta hun, tum kabhi kuch mat kehna bus mujhay tumhaari yehi aadat bohat pasand hay” my friend says my sister in law will create problems for me in the future, as she doesn’t ever want to get married, and the truth is my mother in law gave her all the rights, she listens to each and everything my sis. in law says - so she’s the actual boss of the house. and as my fiancee is younger than her, he can’t say a word to her sis. if he will say anything it’ll be taken as “badtameezi” even if he’s saying right. my fiancee doesn’t listen to anything against her mum esp.,
3rdly, he has faith in me and he doesn’t feel like asking me while he makes any promises like the 1 mentioned. I sometimes think he’ll never ask me for anything as he knows i’m always with him. he has even told me that we’ll bring mama and sis with us on our honeymoon trip.. which i feel so awkward, my fiancee says they’ll be in the next room in the same hotel. and we’ll go out together. alright i don’t have any problems with them going out, but honeymoon is a real personal thing, the privacy of our relationship will spoil. I don’t want that. but he says, oh jaan let them go with us naa. i said alright but i’ll definitely feel awkward when we get up late in the morning etc.. and you know what i mean. my fiancee says, when i go to their house i must sit very close to my mother in law.. and puts oil on her hair so that she’ll start loving me even more.. but i’m not that bold, i feel really shy doing all these things..
my question to all of you is that - am i doing it alright? or would it create troubles for me in future? remember, my fiancee loves me toooooo much..!! incase you guys think that he doesn’t. what are the possible troubles i would have to face after my marriage?*
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