Need a word of advice to avoid future problems

Lifestyle Relationships
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Re: Need a word of advice to avoid future problems

not another ‘mama’s boy’ thread :halo:

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Re: Need a word of advice to avoid future problems

awww!! the replies i've got are really sensible, P-Squared you asked me "it seems as if he is the only boy in the house. Is that true? Will you be living with in-laws after marriage?" the answers are yes ofcourse!

Thanks for the writing tips, they must be helpful i'll read them today - i'm really sorry for writing a long post here, and took so much so of your time.

Cricketplaya - I loved the saying you mentioned in your post.

Amnaar - You actually don't know she [SIL]has said so much hurting things to me in the past, and as a result of that i've stopped texting her and talking to her too much. when i got engaged i used to talk to her through text msgs. She takes most of the things negatively, she even took little things very wrong. If you guys don't mind i can write a few examples here..

My fiancee told me once about his mamu [who's no more with us - he died in 2000 so i never met him] that he was a really great man and very down-to-earth, and mami is just ok she's not as wonderful as my mamu. [he was the only brother of my MIL] so once my SIL was talking about mamu and mami then [just for showing that i remember when they tell me anything about their family, to show my concern and interest towards their family] i told her that his brother told me that mamu was really wonderful and mami is also ok.. and she started saying "abhi to shadi nahi hui hay aur tum meri mami ko bura keh rahi ho, kia matlab hay tumhaara mami buri hain.. woh bohat achi hain etc," and she made me cry and apologize for saying mami is also ok. Once she also said that your family is age-conscious. Actually, my father is very jolly and very friendly. once he went to my inlaws place and he said i'm now around 54 years old. but actually he's 51 years old now, he's gona be 52 in nov. well, so she said my sister was talking to her in the last visit and she said my father is 47 years old. and she made fun of it by saying "sochna to chahiye k keh kia rahi hain, age koi chupti nahi hay etc.. aur uncle jab bhi miltay hain apni age ka zikar zarur kartay hain, tumhaari phuppiyan khaalayen meri mama ko aunty kehti hain as if they're very young girls" ohh guys, i cant tell you all.. how much embarrassed i was. my sis may have said that, but she surely wasn't hiding my father's age.. she's got married 6 years back and she's so busy with her kids..she doesnt even remember my birthdays now.. so how would she calculate my father's birthday before saying this to her? and if my khalas and phuppis call her mother "aunty" is it my fault? why was she insulting my family like this and can't hear only that her mami is ok and mamu was a wonderful great man? I told this to my fiancee after a week, because we get to talk to eachother once a week on the phone in detail. he was so much embarrassed too.. and said sorry for what his sister did.. that's why a small gap has come between me and my SIL. i love her still.. i bring gifts for her every time i go to their house and everytime she comes to my house.. to show that i care and also because i buy same things for my own sister.. and i treat her exactly like my very own sister.

I hope i made my point clear to you all.

Sorry if i still wrote a long post.

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Re: Need a word of advice to avoid future problems

hey certified cute even i read every single word u wrote...i kno when u get depressed u feel lyk pouring ur heart out n ur doing the same not a problem 4 me :)
well cute chill these things r not new for to be married gurls...aisa to hota rehta hai har relationship main...its just tht u have to thank god tht ur fiancee loves u n even ur saas...it clearly shows wen she said "meri beti hai main to dantungi"...no saas says this inspite of tht she waz angry on u and tht too peet piche...remember one thing tht if a person praises u on ur back tht means hez a real apna...n abt ur sis in law...cmon gurl u kno her nature even ur fiancee iz well aware of tht so whts the prob just lissen to her n ignore her without being disrespectful...maybe shez gettin a bit possesive tht her bro iz giving more tym to u than her ...its natural...every gurl has to go thru this phase wen she enters a man's lyf cuz ur not the only gurl in his lyf...
n yeah goin out with ur fiancee iz not the big deal...hiding it from ur parents iz also okay cuz these things happen in this age...n this secret dating n all iz the fun part but u dud went rong wen u didnt answer their calls...i mean this shows disrespect...n one advice u have to play safe wen u want to sneak out wid him...n this excuse tht ur saas n nand will also be there iz real dumb one...sorri 2 say...how cudnt u think that this secret date will open up one day cuz fiance's bday iz not a small occasion...anyone can ask anytime tht how did u all spent it?? then it wud have been more insulting...u cud have said tht u ppl are goin out with ur frenz(oops i am wicked heheh)...anywayz now just wait 4 ur marrige trust me it will be more charming seeing each other after marriage...ive said my man tht we'll stop meeting atleast 6 months b4 our marrige...
well now cmon gurl cheer up it happens in every relationship...n yeah the honey moon thing...its too early to think about it...btw wen r u ppl getting married?...maybe ur saas n nand may change their mind...rest ur doin iz all fine...stop taking any tension n njoy ur pre marriage phase! hope i helped! :)

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Re: Need a word of advice to avoid future problems

actually no, everybody knows he’s not giving much time to me at all. I don’t even ask for more time, we’re getting married next year.. and we’ve started the wedding shoppings now. the thing is that you people [none of you] understood about my SIL. She’s really unbelievable sometimes, she taunt alot. and Plusha how can a SIL compare her time to her brother’s fiance/wife time? I don’t understand this thing.. My elder brother is also married, he’s in states he calls us once in a week now because he has lots of things to do at work and at home. before he used to call us almost daily, and we understand him. we love our bhabi, we never ever try to taunt her. we always want to see them happy. my bhai’s been married for 2.5 years now, and we can really die for our bhai and bhabi’s happiness. How can I or my elder sister taunt our own bhabi? this is real life and my SIL talks like she watches bogus “star plus - saas bahu nand dramas” why can’t she be like my sister? i feel really bad about her behaviour. the situation of my fiancee’s birthday looks like a planned trick to insult me infront of my MIL - played by my SIL. I hope that’s not the truth, I’ve seen dreams of a very happy family with us 4 in the near future. My MIL is a very sensible, loving women and she’s really wonderful. and I thank God everytime that I’ve got the best in-laws and fiancee.. but its just i’m unhappy with my SIL sometimes :sad:

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ek baat bolon? pls dun mind but i really think its v silly of ur relatives to call ur MIL aunty... i mean, thaz outrageous!! ur phopoos and khalas and not so young to call her that! i know its not ur fault...... but make sure u let those ppl know u dun like and feel uncomfortable that someone of their age call ur MIL aunty...

about the taunting, its natural... shes jealous of u... its a woman thing. women cannot share men... be it bro, husband, son whatever.. its in our blood! ive also had fights with my hubby if his mami, phopo and esp ammi dear says somethin that hurts me... his reaction is typical... ignore and respect.. sometimes dun u just get SICK of respecting them! boy...tell me about it.. but then i think frm a v different angle... i m also elder to someone, say to my hubby's cousin and if they disrespect me, i feel like killin them and say -ve comments.... so imagine... in the same way, learn to respect and ull get respect. try to spend time with ur SIL... yar i tell u, Alhamdulillah, i have no nandh (and i say, ek saas bahat hia yaar!!) :D but comparatively, its a bit easier to get closer and friendly to ur SIL... so do girly stuff with her... go shoppin, gossip, talk abt fashion etc... b a gud listener and give her gifts that she really likes.. remember one thing, ive learnt it from my hubby (love him for that!)... money buys everything... esp. even people's love and respect (ok dun go runnin after me, i know money cant buy happiness but all i m sayin is, to show u love and care u shud spend money on others) i have spent money on hubby's cousins etc... and they come closer and love me.... my hubby himself has got alot of love becus of that. its sad but thaz the way life is... i myself have noticed, if someone spends alot of money on buyin gifts for me... i become alll their! :P so its like... learn these small things and u shud b fine :) CHEER UP NOW!

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Re: Need a word of advice to avoid future problems

i agree with mall...thts wat i waz trying to say...i never said tht ur SIL iz right... i said earlier too tht u haveto learn to ignore cuz its her nature...i guess nands are suppose to be lyk this lolzz...wat's more important iz that u love ur man n he loves u...n u have to learn to adjust cuz i dun think so u have any other option...n i dun think so these issues r that big where u havto take sum other step...u wat m trying to say...n m sure even u wudnt lyk it...no matter wat she sayz try to stay nice to her...i guess ur being nice but try to be u kno tht extra ordinary perfect bhabhi tht one they show in those star plus drama which even ur nand iz fond of hehe... n let me tell u one thing if today ur fiancee is respecting his mom n sis then remember he will protect u the same way tomorrow...if he backbites about them infront of u then someday he can break ur trust too....so just chilll n be happy!

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Re: Need a word of advice to avoid future problems

hehe, you put a smile on my face.. really : ) but you're being diplomatic when you said, Alhamdulillah i've no nand. Having a nand isn't a bad thing at all yaar, we're all sisters of brothers who will definitely marry one day and we all become nands then. No harm with having nand my elder sister has 5 nands all elder than her husband.. but they're all married with kids, so they can't poke their nose in my sister's life too much. here the case is that she refuses all proposals and has already said she doesn't ever want to get married. my fiancee gets worried about her marriage sometimes so is my MIL and she's not very beautiful, she's just ok looking with average height and extra weight - 67kgs with 5'2 1/2" height. with wheatish complexion, so the no of proposals are also less at this age of 28. everyone says i'm very pretty and it will be more difficult for her to be married because when we're married you know desi families thinkings they will say bhabi is more pretty than this girl and younger in age as i'm 22 years old. I hope she changes her mind and think about getting married soon. Because elders say that when a women don't marry she becomes irritating to the family members as we're all seeing already.. when my MIL talks to her about getting married or some proposal coming, she reacts very badly. not because she'll be refused by the mothers of the sons. but because she just doesnt want to get married and says i want to make a big house for myself. i want to earn so much money, i want to join madarsa and do islamic works. I once told her that you can even do these things after your marriage with your husband's support but she replied she can't handle a husband and she just hates kids and she can't bear the "zimmedaari" of becoming a wife. she also mentioned "i don't know how girls leave their house and start living in another person's house and devote their lives for husbands - and she used a word "haggy moot dhulana" of kids - lols. it was so damn funny when she said that to me.. lols. she reads so many islamic books but doesnt she know that this is how a women should live her life, and a women when she's baaligh she's supposed to get married [if the matchful proposals are coming] asap. so she's totally stubborn. - my father in law before he died he used to call me and say "baji bohat hee badtameez aur ziddi larki hay, agar tumsay kabhi koi badtameezi karay to tum sirf mujhay batana main usay aisa sahi karunga k woh yaad karay gi" and i was always like "nai baba, baji to bohat sweet hain woh aisi nahi hain, aur woh nahi kehteen kuch aisa mujsay" **

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well cute what i would like to advice u from my exp is that atleast for the first two yrs try ur best to do b obedient to ur inlaws try to make them realise that u r not some kind of intruder who going to snatch away their son or brother from then once u have gained there confidence and u become actually part of the family then start demanding or in more polite terms expecting something from them woh kehtey hain na jitna gur utna meetha
DONOT MAKE THEM FEEL INSECURE
DONOT MAKE THEM FEEL THAT U NOW HAVE POSSESION OF THE MAN
IN THERE PRESENCE DONT START GOING GA GA OVER UR HUSBAND THIS WILL GIVE WAY TO JEALOUSY
BE VERY NICE TO THEM IN ANY ANY CASE
DO THIS FOR ATLEAST TWO YRS THEN UL START FEELING THE RESULTS

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Re: Need a word of advice to avoid future problems

I agree and disagree with everyone in this thread.

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I disagree with you.

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Ga ga over my husband? means, talking too much good things about my husband, are you trying to say that? - well, now when i talk about my fiancee that he likes this so i wore this, he doesnt like this so i didnt do this my SIL and MIL get so much happier to hear that, they're actually not bad at all. I wonder why some girls only talk about inlaws being bad with them, challo, even if my SIL did some hurting things she also has done loving things naa.. but i started this thread because i wanted to know when such things happen how to secure you? how to make good relationships and what problems would it cause if i listen to them all the time, and even obey my fiancee every single time, each thing he says to me i always do as he wants me to and he just loves it. [although it doesnt mean i have problems listening to my SIL or MIL, except for a few times when my SIL hurted me alot] .. but your suggestions are still considerable to me.

So far, I told all of you that my fiancee only wants me to listen to his mother and sister and never argue with them. Respect them and taking them to our honeymoon trip as well. hehe! and some issues about my relationship with my SIL although they're also not too big issues. But sometimes i endup crying because of her only.. and when i tell that to my fiancee he endsup saying "jaan tum to pyaari jaan ho naa tum dil nai dukhaao apna, i'm saying sorry on her behalf" which really melts my heart and i forget everything. but is it all right to happen things like this again and again with SIL? or should i really take things positively so that nothing hurts me??

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Re: Need a word of advice to avoid future problems

Try using paragraphs nezt time. I gave up half way through but from reading the replies it seems like another case of 'my husband/fiance is a mummy's boy' to which this forum is filled with replies and advice - some of it good, some of it not so good but good luck with whatever happens.

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Re: Need a word of advice to avoid future problems

well... SIL is getting jealous and may be she would never stop poking her nose into your future life.. but as long as your husband/fiancee is supportive and treats you nicely you can also make him understand nicely that you don't like when your SIL says such things and ask his mum to ask her sister not to do such things between a nice relationship as it seems like a wonderful loving family as a whole.

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wow!! how could it have been planned trick by sister in law to insult u ???

way to go girl…

you said to ur dad u were going out with your sister in law when u already knew you were only going out with your fiancee
and your fiancee said that he was going out with friends when he knew he was going out with you…
and still u are actually saying what you are are saying…:rolleyes:

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I dont see anywhere how her SIL was in the wrong..

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not saying r wrong, but where is this na mehrammi when her own daughter goes for lunches n dinners with her colleagues?

dont understand k in logon ko apni aankh ka baal kiun nazar nahi ata.

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**humaray ghar mein aisa nahi hota
**then dont do such activities if ur inlaws dont like it otherwise u can face very critical situation aftr weddin, like ur SIL can taunt u........k tum ny to hamara bhai pehly he cheen liya tha, us pe doray daalti thee, tumhara charcter he aisa hy......n it really happens.beleive me.
so avoid to go outside too much, u ppl dont have any personal matters right now so u can taalk n meet in frnt of ur families.

** i always say my in laws are the best in laws. and my fiancee is the best person on earth my eyes could see..
**then stop saying taht coz zamana buri nazar laganny mey deir nahi kerta, also recite quran most of the time, thanx to Allah n say mashaAllah.

**main un ki jaga sorry karta hun, tum kabhi kuch mat kehna bus mujhay tumhaari yehi aadat bohat pasand hay
**choices change hony mey ziyada time nahi lagta.u know aik akelay insaan ki brainwashing is very very easy through emotional blackmailing, so just show him that u really respect his family alot n more even u.

honeymoon is a real personal thing,
**for my honeymoon we decided to go for **umrah n my family(inlaws) with us, my MIL is patient she was on wheelchair n i forced my FIL n Husband that i want to go with whole family even my ppatient MIL n u cant believe till today my Hubby n FIL respect me more taht i m such a nice, caring DIL n wife.
so dont make ur honeymmoon so personal go 4 umrah brng ur MIL, SIL along u, then after some time go to another place Allah b khuh, Allah k banday b khush, inShaallah.*

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Maybe she is going for lunches and dinners with her colleagues as a part of her job?..

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.... wow.....

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Re: Need a word of advice to avoid future problems

^ geez id be very unhappy if my SIL was talking about me like that..

so what if she's got wheatish skin....

geez...