Re: Need a break...
^njgal, there is no doubt that I am an awesome father :D
Re: Need a break...
I think it'd be a good idea.
You know we're so judemental of what others can take on and can't
If there person feels like they need a break then they need a break.
DONE
A happy mom is a good mom
Re: Need a break...
Nik, I don't know how ANYONE can live without their child for an extended period. With that said, this has happened in my own family, sort of. When my brother's first daughter was born, his wife took her off to her maika for 3 months so my bro missed the first 3 months of his first daughter's life. The first 3 months, while the toughest for us, I think were the most critical in establishing a bond that has made me and my daughter the best of friends.
Then when his second daughter was born, his wife again went off to her maika for 3 months taking both girls. So now my brother has missed a total of 6 months of his 3 year old daughter's life and the first 3 months of his second daughter's life, again, a critical period. What makes me really sad is that my brother is happy when they're all gone, he seems to have time to himself to play video games and relax, watch movies, come and go as he pleases. This has led me to the conclusion that he is not happy to have kids or ready to be a dad. I have extreme contempt for him and his wife and the way they are raising their daughters. As a consequence of their 5hitty parenting, their older daughter is NOT pleasant to be around and so it perpetuates itself, they don't LIKE spending time with their older kid and they dump her on grand parents or other relatives all the time to go to the movies and stuff, as a result, older daughter's behavior gets worse and worse.
It's sad, but some people are just not fit to be parents and I honestly believe that not having contact with your child for months can have dire consequences. With ALL that said, I can understand that if there is a true majboori, then that may be the only solution but just for a 'break', I think that's incredibly silly.
Listening to this lady's thoughts is making me think more and more that's she's unfit to be a parent.
And in the case I talk about...her husband is one of the most supportive husbands you can imagine.
Re: Need a break...
I think it'd be a good idea.
You know we're so judemental of what others can take on and can't If there person feels like they need a break then they need a break. DONE
A happy mom is a good mom
Munz, this particular person isn't happy happy period. She's taken on projects in her life and never done them from start to finish. She usually gives up in the middle somewhere...either because she's fed up or can't keep up. I hope this isn't one of those things...
Re: Need a break...
Yara I doubt she'll give up her kids.
Aur waisai bhi tumhai mujai kiya farak partha hai with her taking a break.
Lekin maybe just maybe ussai farak parai. So she should go for it.
Re: Need a break...
A happy mom is a good mom
what if you are only happy only when you are not being a mom :)
Has anyone watched the movie mother and child? There is scene where they show a woman who has desperately tried to have a child for years, then the whole adoption procedure and finally gets a divorce because he husband doesn't want kids. She finally gets a child and she hates motherhood.
Re: Need a break…
No I haven’t seen that movie. 
Munz, mennu koi fark ni pendah…but Parenting forum nu vi chalaana hai na 
…no no, I thought it’ll be a good topic for discussion.
Re: Need a break...
I agree with Muniya, a happy mom is a good mom! Plus you have all these assumptions that her hubby supports and is the one who manages their child after work but maybe that's just 'dikhawa'...things aren't always the way they appear to be!
Re: Need a break...
No way.
Re: Need a break...
My dad is #6 out of 10 and when he was born like what 2 weeks later #7 is in the making, and these relatives of ours wanted to raise another kid, but they were in their like late 60s maybe, they raised my dad until he was 7, 8? So my grandparents took like an 8 year break from my daddy lolol.
Re: Need a break...
Everything that glitters is not gold! I though some people might be old enough (or mature rather) to understand this.
I wish we could have the lady in question speaking for herself and her troubles, instead of some nosy woman trying to paint her as an evil, thankless, pathetic mother on an internet forum. Utterly dehumanizing and pathetically judgmental thread.
Remember the shock and horror when the world found that an always 'seemingly' happy and always smiling Princess Diana who was 'supposedly' living a 'fairytale' life, attempted suicide several times in early 80's, threw herself off the stairs while five months pregnant with William, was bulimic and used to bite herself in anger? So yeah...you can never know enough about someone's personal life!
As long as she's not leaving the baby at your house, I see no reason why you should be losing your nights' sleep while she's on a 'break'.
Re: Need a break…
na Soniyo - I was using us as a general example.
The Punjabi OMGish hawt!
Re: Need a break…
I’m not losing my sleep 
.
Re: Need a break...
I certainly don't think that I could do it.
Different strokes for different folks I suppose....
Re: Need a break...
I think its really hard to judge someone about something like this because its so personal. I know of someone who had a kid, she had a great husband, had a career, was quite mature. Once she had the kid though she didn't really feel like a mother should I guess. For the longest time they thought she had postpartum depression but they looked into it and turns out, having kids I guess just wasn't her. She's a good mother to a degree, she cares for her child, loves her, spends time with her etc., but she has mentioned that she misses life without her daughter, she enjoyed the freedom of not being a mother, the pressures, responsibility's etc.
Is she a bad person for all this though? We've asked her why she had a kid if she didn't really want one, and she's often said she never thought she didn't. The way of life is you get married and have kids, thats what human natures about. And whilst she was never one of those people who cooed over babies and was dying to have one it wasn't something she thought she didn't want. How can you blame her for being who she is? She's just a person who hasn't developed those maternal instincts and she's trying, going to therapy and what not and doing everything she can to the best of her abilities, but it is what it is. Because of all this she tends to get overwhelmed really easily kind of like the woman you're talking about. She doesn't send her daughter away but her husband and mother in law help out a lot when she just feels like she needs a break.
She doesn't go around telling people this is how she feels and so to a casual observer she comes off as a perfect mom, I only know because she's confided in me about it. So you don't really know whats going on in someones life and everyone is different. Its not fair to paint everyone with the same brush, just because 90% of the women in the world are born with a maternal instincts, doesn't mean that the remaining 10% are as well. Maybe its something they have to work on.
I feel really bad for her because I know she struggles with herself on a daily basis, because she feels she is a bad mother and a bad person because she doesn't feel the way she's supposed to and her daughters a blessing from god etc., etc. and all this other stuff that gets thrown in her face, she KNOWS it, but there's not much she can do about it except to do the best that she can.
Re: Need a break...
This is a trend in Pakistan. Parents have kids and then send them to their grandparents house so they can raise them. Its so stupid and these people think they are so "modern". I know tons of people that have done this. The kids call their grandparents mom, and dad, and the parents don't even mind.
Re: Need a break...
Just to clarify, the person I talked about in the 1st post has tried for 15 years to have a child. Not that it should affect how she should feel, just an fyi.
Re: Need a break...
^ That's interesting, Nikki. I do know that a lot of women who had trouble conceiving feel so guilty that they lack a connection with their child afterward and are frustrated as mothers, especially with the sudden loss of independence. That makes them lash out and get worse. It's tricky. Feeling that you want to have a child is not the same as really being able to handle motherhood. I'm not saying that what the woman is doing is right, but I guess I can understand the struggle.
Re: Need a break...
I am sorry if I have missed this,but how old is the child she wants to send away..?
Re: Need a break...
An infant.