Re: Need a break...
I would. I trust both mine and his parents to take good care of my baby. If I had to I would leave my baby with either one of the grandparents for few months or however long I need break for.
Re: Need a break...
"Motherhood"is a social concept and hers differ from yours. That does not make her a bad parent.
You are right that both parents should be on the same page when making parenting decision but in real life it is rarely the case. It is either father who's rules dominate or mother who takes charge.
I personally would not do it for an infant/toddler just beacuse of attachment issues but for school going grown up kids...I don't see any issues.
Re: Need a break...
Did she want kids, was she ready for them or had her child due to family pressures ?
I personally wouldn't be able to do it for a child that young but if she feels this will make her a better parent I don't think we can judge her. Being a new mother I realize that motherhood can sometimes be overwhelming and if she doesn't have family close by for the support she may need the time apart......
Re: Need a break...
Yes she wanted kids badly..has only one child.
Yes we're not in a position to judge her or anyone else.
Re: Need a break...
Wow....there's so many women out there who would give up anything just to have a healthy baby and experience motherhood and then there are people like the girl you describe in this thread that can just send their baby off for an extended period of time for nothing other than "needing a break."
I'm actually speechless right now. I cannot beleive people like that exist.
To answer your question, under NO circumstances would I ever do this to my child (if I am fortunate enough to ever have them...InshAllah).
Maybe the ONLY circumstance would be Hajj....but again I'd have to look into whether you can take your baby with you for that or not and then come to an informed decision based on what is best for my child.
Re: Need a break...
I wouldn't do it but I can't judge others either for doing it. May be they have a valid reason. The only time I left my kids with their dad was when I went to Pak for a week and then my youngest was 2 n half years old and I couldn't really relax coz i kept thinking about kids.
Re: Need a break...
You know, those early stages are REALLY overwhelming. It was much more physically draining than I realized, and I did/do get fed up sometimes. But those are fleeting moments, and I have a good variety of motherhood models around me to keep striving to find a successful method for me. Honestly it sounds like this mom is overwhelmed and just had enough. Hopefully the separation will help her become more committed and dedicated and happy with motherhood.
Re: Need a break...
I would. I trust both mine and his parents to take good care of my baby. If I had to I would leave my baby with either one of the grandparents for few months or however long I need break for.
Oh I am sure both my mom and MIL have better maternal instincts than I have, and of course they are more experienced mothers. But there is something unique and special about the bond between mother and child, and I do know people raised by very loving grandparents/aunts/etc, but they do miss and wonder about their mothers. It's not the same.
Re: Need a break…
I wouldnt judge her… Only cuz ive been through ppd, a very stressful hospital stay for the labour and delivery and an even moredifficult baby ( no i dont mean the usual crying or not sleeping etc)… I had my mother come over for the delivery… So there were 3 grown ups and my husband to help me out… But they weren’t the ones who had to be the responsible ones…i was the mother and i was the one that had to be the one fighting… (ofcourse the man too)…
When u are going through ppd… U cant use reasons like "oh look how many women are dying to have babies, u are so na shukri’ etc… That was a dumb theory, and didnt even fit in with the whole situation… Its like saying oh how can u not like eating liver when there are ppl dying of starvation in africa… 
Nor can u say “all babies are like this, deal with it…tumhara koi anokha bacha nahi hai” … Again a rather dumb thing to say to someone dealing with ppd.
Now i dont know about sending an infant abroad to live with my parents … But i did leave him nearly everyday to go out with just the husband or mother cuz i JUST didnt want to be with him… His cry would spiral me into futher depression… Thankfully i didnt need medicine… But maybe this lady suffers from a worse case of ppd and thus sending the kid away means she doesnt have to see it hear it etc… And so can feel a bit relaxed… She is not a bad mother imho… Jst someone needing time to fig out what the hell is goin on in her life.
How old is her kid?
Also…on a side note…a lot of women dont know they are suffering from ppd… I didnt… I just thought i was a bad mother cuz i wasnt feeling attatched with my baby… I was more than ok leaving him with parents and gping out (though i would phone a million times just to check up)… Just e general feeling of being a mom wasnt there… It wasnt until i spoke about it with my midwife did she call it out… And even then i didnt accept it…
What this woman said bout attatchment rang a bell… She should visit her dr and talk about it with them…
Re: Need a break...
Reading some of the ignorant and insensitive posts here, its not wonder mothers suffering from ppd don't come out. Even though its a lot common form of depression than you may think! May God bless doctors and science, fortunately there is lot more awareness and support regarding depression and ppd in particular than it used to be. There will always be a cold hearted ignorant minority.
Besides, screw your idea of 'motherhood', educate yourself on depression because its a serious illness. In most severe cases of PPD, some mothers actually feel the urge to harm their child or themselves (I've seen it all first hand!). I guess saying that 'I need a break' sounds much better than saying errm I feel like harming my baby or committing suicide so please someone better take care of my baby, while I try to get myself sorted.
Re: Need a break...
Yes...see it's different when it's because of a temporary situation you're in...such as you ave to go on Hajj where it makes no sense to take the kids, or on a work related trip or to get done with some career requirements.... all of that is very understandable.
But I see two things wrong in the picture above:
The child's father isn't being considered. When he comes home after a hard day's work, he's eager to hug his child and play with him. Why take that away from him? And since I know the family, I know that after work, the dad pretty much takes care of the kid's needs such as bathing and diaper changes, feeding, playing, putting to bed... so it isn't like the poor woman has a useless husband.
She can take care of her personal time issue by taking a weekend off alone, or go visit friends, or hire a nanny part time or something instead of dumping her kid.
As kids, we went on summer vacations to be with grandparents but see the attitude with which we're being sent away was different...
Did you tell her all that?
Maybe its not really about 'taking a weekend off', she perhaps require stay at a rehab, a proper treatment or something?
Re: Need a break...
We don't know if this lady is suffering from ppd. I am definitely not and like I said I don't mind if my baby stays with my parents or my husband's parents for couple of months. This doesn't make me a bad mother or a na shukri. I guess I am just not uncomfortable with the idea. My own nephew was raised by my mother when my sister was in med school. I am not a clingy mother and I don't think I don't love my baby if I am okay with sending him to grandparents. To me, he is their child just as much as he is mine so there is no question of loving him less or more.
Re: Need a break...
How long does PPD last?
Re: Need a break...
Its diff for everyone.... I know a girl that gets it even now 6 yrs and 2 kids later....
I got it bad after delivery and it stayed that way until midget was 3 months old...it went away and then came back when he was i think 8 months...
Re: Need a break...
Most of you are aware of the situation I was going through when I had my daughter. My best friend used to take me out quite often when I was in depression and stress after giving birth. My situation was quite different though but I did went out like one or twice a week leaving my baby with my mom. I don't know if that did any good to me or not. May be it gave more peace to the people who were worried for me.
I am / have been planning for Umrah with my dad (things are just not working out) and I'll be leaving my daughter (who is a toddler now masha allah) with my mom for like 5-6 days. It would be hard on me for sure but there is no other option.
In my opinion it is not fair with the child esp infant to leave him/her with grandparents for very long , an hour or so sounds ok but to leave your new born for days with your parents is neither fair with the child nor with the grandparents. You have brought an innocent soul into this world so better take the responsibility and be a parent. A new born needs a mom more than anyone and it is his/her right to be taken care by mom.
Re: Need a break...
Many women are unprepared for what parenthood is like (especially if someone has not spent time with kids).
And I have seen many women hitting depression when their children are not babies anymore but wanting to be individuals. So its very real and can hit anytime. Even mothers who have adopted get it. It's not just physical disorder.
Re: Need a break...
Nik, I don't know how ANYONE can live without their child for an extended period. With that said, this has happened in my own family, sort of. When my brother's first daughter was born, his wife took her off to her maika for 3 months so my bro missed the first 3 months of his first daughter's life. The first 3 months, while the toughest for us, I think were the most critical in establishing a bond that has made me and my daughter the best of friends.
Then when his second daughter was born, his wife again went off to her maika for 3 months taking both girls. So now my brother has missed a total of 6 months of his 3 year old daughter's life and the first 3 months of his second daughter's life, again, a critical period. What makes me really sad is that my brother is happy when they're all gone, he seems to have time to himself to play video games and relax, watch movies, come and go as he pleases. This has led me to the conclusion that he is not happy to have kids or ready to be a dad. I have extreme contempt for him and his wife and the way they are raising their daughters. As a consequence of their 5hitty parenting, their older daughter is NOT pleasant to be around and so it perpetuates itself, they don't LIKE spending time with their older kid and they dump her on grand parents or other relatives all the time to go to the movies and stuff, as a result, older daughter's behavior gets worse and worse.
It's sad, but some people are just not fit to be parents and I honestly believe that not having contact with your child for months can have dire consequences. With ALL that said, I can understand that if there is a true majboori, then that may be the only solution but just for a 'break', I think that's incredibly silly.
Re: Need a break...
oh and for everyone crying PPD, I'm sorry but having PPD is no excuse to send off your infant to relatives. My wife had extreme PPD when our daughter was born, that's where the FATHER comes in. It is the father's responsibility to help care for his child and his wife as they both recover and come to accept their new roles. Yes, I agree, PPD is a serious issue and recognizing it is core. It has to be treated, whether chemically (medication) or via talk therapy, but it NEEDS to be confronted head on. I know many people who had PPD that didn't ship their child off to a relative for months to deal with the big change in their lives. I just don't think that that is an acceptable excuse.
Re: Need a break...
My best friend had a bad case of PPD when her first child was born...a beautiful baby boy Mashallah. She had trouble bonding with him and just went through a lot of highs and lows.
Her husband was a star to her during that time. He called me and the rest of her friends, gave her time away from the baby, let her recover, helped as much as he could, etc. I think him stepping up really made the situation turn around. She got through it, had two more kids and her son is just amazing Mashallah. They are very close now Alhumdulillah. He is so helpful, well behaved and I joke with her all the time about how she will have to raise mine too.
So yeah I kind of agree with aahmed that PPD is serious and deserves attention/treatment but fathers need to play a very important role at this time.
Re: Need a break...
oh and for everyone crying PPD, I'm sorry but having PPD is no excuse to send off your infant to relatives. My wife had extreme PPD when our daughter was born, that's where the FATHER comes in. It is the father's responsibility to help care for his child and his wife as they both recover and come to accept their new roles. Yes, I agree, PPD is a serious issue and recognizing it is core. It has to be treated, whether chemically (medication) or via talk therapy, but it NEEDS to be confronted head on. I know many people who had PPD that didn't ship their child off to a relative for months to deal with the big change in their lives. I just don't think that that is an acceptable excuse.
aahmed - mA you seem like a very hands on dad. But in many cases the husband goes off to work for the whole day, will refuse to take off work to help his wife, would be ashamed to admit to his boss or even family that his wife is does not fit the "nurturing mother and wife" profile.
Shipping your children or responsibilities as a parent is not the right answer but in some cases people don't have a choice.