Nasty potential in-laws

Lifestyle Relationships
1

A.A.

Just have some things to get off my chest about how nasty some people can really turn out to be. Would also love to hear other GS opinions about my situation.

I was engaged for 7 months and just a few days ago we decided to end the whole drama. It was completely arranged and until we said yes to the proposal the potential MIL was nice. Then the drama started with one thing after the other.

We live oversea’s whereas they live in Pak. First all we would hear from them was that ‘bahir ki larkiyah toh bohot kharab hai’ … um why then, did you propose?

Then the next issue, was with dates for the wedding. The MIL said, discuss those details with my son, as i’ve brought up my children to make decisions for themselves. So obviously we discussed dates with the guy…all was decided and we booked venues and things and started preparations. When they guy’s side came to visit us (oversea’s) and this was brought up, the MIL pretended like she had never heard of these dates and claimed her son had no idea either. What the??? She then went on the accuse me of being behind it, telling my parents that she was amazed that ‘bahir ki larkiyah toh itne bareh fasileh khud karleti hai, pakistan mein toh bazurg aise fasleh karteh hai.’ Hello, was she not the one saying discuss the details with her son, not with her?

Next, she demanded that only me and her son, go out and spend time together and get to know each other…she insisted on it multiple times. Whilst not being comfortable with going out alone with a non-mehram, my dad told me to respect her and just go, and so we did go out to lunch/shopping etc. The next day she went on to comment on how shocked she was that girl’s go out alone with boys so willingly and independently…obviously she was referring to me. Again, what the hell?

I just don’t have the energy to go over all the drama’s along the way, but the limit was when she called me just a few days ago to tell me, that I was very dear to her and all, but that my mother was very bossy and controlling and that seeing as I would be joining her family now and that the relationship was between me and her family only, I should tell my mother to step back. Who on earth, tells someone that? Far out…

The only good thing in the whole deal was the guy and that’s why I feel bad, but everyone just keeps re-assuring me, that his mother would have made my life hell…

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Re: Nasty potential in-laws

**Good Job hun :hugz: **

I’m so freakin happy that your out of this mess!Uff what a stupid MIL!

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Re: Nasty potential in-laws

Congratulations, you are smarter than the majority of girls who get into hellish relationships.

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Re: Nasty potential in-laws

What I just don't get is that, did these people just think it's some of game to play? How can you say something then turn around and say the absolutely opposite thing?
Is she out to ruin her son's life? I thought getting married etc was meant to be a happy joyous occasion...but she obviously made it miserable...augh.

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Re: Nasty potential in-laws

did u set the date with th guy or ur parents did that?? anyways strange n fazool ppl. Allah k her kaam main behtari hoti hai

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[QUOTE]
What I just don't get is that, did these people just think it's some of game to play?
[/QUOTE]
Seems that way doesn't it? I'm sorry this happened to you but I'm happy you got out of the situation. My mother is a counselor of sorts...not professionally, but a lot of people in her community confide in her about their personal issues and she listens (and keeps it to herself). Sometimes, in the course of her "counselor" duties, she'll tell me a story or two (leaving out names and identifying information to protect the innocent) so that I may learn a "sabaq" and sometimes to ask for legal advice on behalf of these people. And unfortunately, you're story isn't unusual. For whatever reason, people just can't stop giving other people hell.

Good luck to you. Inshallah, you will find the right person (with a less dramatic family) soon.

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Re: Nasty potential in-laws

The biggest contradiction of all is that this monster-in-law said that she never wanted to get a daugther-in-law living in the West. If that's the case.....then why did she even propose to you in the first place? To obtain a green card?

It's not like you and this guy had a love marriage....in such a situation the MIL might even feel compelled to meet you and check you out if her own son insists upon marrying you. But when she never wanted a western bahu...why go pursuing one? She not only wasted your time and money but HERS as well. (I guess these things don't matter to her?)

Perhaps this woman wanted to "test" you. I know it sounds weird, but I read a rishta story where the guy n his family went to the girl's house and shamelessly ridiculed the girl and her parents to their faces. And when the girl finally spoke up in defense of her parents......the guy's mom said "But we were just testing you. You were doing so well. You were giving the impression of a patient girl. And now that you've spoken up, we can see you're badtameez and not obedient."

So maybe she was hoping that you would respond by saying ** "Naheen Aunti Jee, I couldn't possibly go out alone with your son, I'm too shareef and eastern and sharmeeli to do that. I would much rather gaze at your son from afar while sharmaa-ing with my down-cast eyes behind my fluttering hand-fan "**

I'm glad you ditched this shameless fool of a woman. GOOD FOR YOU! You n your parents were smart. This lady should watch out...especially if she's got daughters of her own...what goes around comes around!

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Re: Nasty potential in-laws

Poor guy, he must hav had his hopes high and his mum came along and ruined it all. :(

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[QUOTE]
but I read a rishta story where the guy n his family went to the girl's house and shamelessly ridiculed the girl and her parents to their faces. And when the girl finally spoke up in defense of her parents......the guy's mom said "But we were just testing you. You were doing so well. You were giving the impression of a patient girl. And now that you've spoken up, we can see you're badtameez and not obedient."
[/QUOTE]
You're joking right?

Just when I thought I'd heard all the asinine rishta stories and there wasn't anything that could surprise me, this happens.

I think this tops the crazy rishta story I heard where the potential MIL ripped off the girl's hijab in full view of everyone at a mixed party to ascertain whether or not she was bald. Seriously, what are these people smoking?

[QUOTE]
** "Naheen Aunti Jee, I couldn't possibly go out alone with your son, I'm too shareef and eastern and sharmeeli to do that. I would much rather gaze at your son from afar while sharmaa-ing with my down-cast eyes behind my fluttering hand-fan "**
[/QUOTE]

Wait...you're not actually SUPPOSED to act like that? Damn. Guess I'll have to throw out my hand fans.

;)

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Mistral, I think I read the rishta story on GS. No, you're not supposed to act like that, lol. I was exaggerating.....to make it sound just as ridiculous as the situation itself.

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Awww man you guys crack me up. Thanks so much for your comforting replies - it really helps!

And yeah, I think she was out to test me/my family and she how much of her c*** we would put up with. Also, another problem with her was that she doesn't have a daughter, so maybe she just doesn't know how to behave in this respect, but still, that's no excuse, right?

Think I need to tell you guys a few more 'interesting' details about my experience. One thing she kept insisting on was that I alone come and stay with them/spend time with their family so they could develop a 'comfort level with me'. Um, hello, why would I do that? Who in the world has gone to stay with their to-be in-laws without nikkah/ruhksati... My mum told her, 'in our time, did we go and stay with in-laws before shaadi? No, it's not islamic as you are still non-mehrams' In guessing this was also part of her grand plan to 'test me'.

Another instance was when she kept going on about how people in Pakistan have strong family units and know how to behave and respect their elders etc, where-as oversea's people don't have these values instilled in them, again indirectly referring to our family. The funny thing is my dadi and dada live with us oversea's and we talk to our relatives so regularly that my cousins may as well be sisters/brothers. On the other hand, when we asked the guy's brother how many phupo's they have so we can get presents for them as part of the shaadi rasms, the brother had no clue...how is it possible to not know how many phupo's you have? Geez...

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^You know. I just don't get that mentality. The one where "well in Pakistan, XYZ is soooooo much better than in the moral sewer that is the West blah blah blabbity blah." There's good stuff and bad stuff in the old homeland. There's good stuff and bad stuff in the West.

And yeah, if you think the West is so bad, why send your kids there to be educated, why look for work there, why look for rishtas there?

Same goes for people in the West looking down on Pakistan. It's your homeland. Show some respect.

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Re: Nasty potential in-laws

MarriumH, ur lucky that u got out of all this mess.......i was(or still i am) in a same kind of situation like u but, i married him coz i dnt know i guess i was stupid and not smarter enough like u. i also live oversea and inlaws live in paki and my in-laws dnt have a beti (daughters) either. its not even a year and iam bak at my moms house.:(
khair life is hell. And sadly us gurls have to face it.
mera naseeb/kismat
Congratulations, you are smarter then sum gurls like me.
one thing i can never understand if the mother in laws r so possessive abt thr sons why do they marry them off.????????????

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I'm glad u decided to break-it off.. u're potential MIL seems bipolar waise bhi. How dare anyone bring-in and accuse any girls' mother of being bossy? She would've controlled u throughout, and caused havoc in u're life. So, Alhamdulilah that won't be happening anymore.

The guy, however nice he was.. didn't stand-up and defend u either.. during the wedding date issue or the going-out, getting to know each other issue. So, good riddance to that too!

:AID:

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Re: Nasty potential in-laws

smart decision :)

Timepass - October 2013
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Re: Nasty potential in-laws

MarruimH, your lucky to be out of this mangni. Dont feel sorry for the guy, trust me, he wouldve shown his true colors after the wedding. Same thing happened to me, in-laws started their drama after engagement but we ignored everything, thinking the guy is nice, shaadi ke baad sub teekh hojay ga but he turned out to be the biggest villain.
So be happy and move on. :)
And chilli milli, sorry to hear about your situation, i will pray for you.

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Re: Nasty potential in-laws

:k:u are saved .

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Re: Nasty potential in-laws

Thank god u got rid of him and his annoying mother

HI5

:lifey:

=D

Timepass - October 2013
19

Marrium,

Even if this twisted woman did not have any daughters of her own.....has she forgotten that SHE HERSELF is a woman/daughter/daughter-in-law. Did she not think to herself "Gee, how would I feel if my in-laws had played these manipulative mind-games with me?"

And if her own in-laws did play these mind-games with her, then she should have learned from the experience to not repeat the same mistake. It's possible that she acts "supportive" and "nice" around her son and so he doesn't know her reality.

Is he the one and only son in his family? Some mothers only want their sons to get married so that they can produce children to carry on the family name.........but deep down they're still not ready to sever the umbilical cord that should have been cut off at birth.

And he didn't know how many phoopos he has? Either he's got way too many to count OR he doesn't know what the word phoopo means OR there's not much interaction taking place with relatives. Do you really want to marry a guy whose clueless about mom and number of relatives?

LOL, be proud of yourself for giving this family the boot. And be proud of your parents for making such a wise and practical decision because there are parents out there who impose stupid decisions on their children that can ruin their lives.

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Re: Nasty potential in-laws

Good riddance for you, i say.

This reminds me of when we were in Pakistan visiting my inlaws and a rishta came from a guy living in Canada for my SIL. His mother came and met us and infront of me and all my inlaws etc said how she would never bring a bahir ki larki for his eldest (read ladla) son.And then proceeded on asking my husband if he married me for the green card.

Well, hello, is there anything wrong with me, otherwise?