okay this has been bothering me for a while… recently my childhood best friend got married… after a month or so i was told that her name has been changed by her in laws… I was surprised because i’ve never heard of name changes after marriage… anyhow it has been bothering me ever since because I would never let anyone change a name given by my parents!
since her family and I continued to call her by her old name… she recently told us that we have to call her by her new name and that just exasperated me I think i’m overreacting it’s her life right?
same thing happend to my cousin..coz her SIL's name was same like her's so thats why they change her name...and im sure ur friends story wud be same...
as for she wants u to call with her new name i think its may be coz she likes her new name..and now since she has start listning her new name may be she wants to be called by her new name..
okay this has been bothering me for a while... recently my childhood best friend got married... after a month or so i was told that her name has been changed by her in laws... I was surprised because i've never heard of name changes after marriage... anyhow it has been bothering me ever since because I would never let anyone change a name given by my parents!
since her family and I continued to call her by her old name... she recently told us that we have to call her by her new name and that just exasperated me :( I think i'm overreacting it's her life right?
uh what do you mean exactly? Are your referring to changing of last name (maiden name) after marriage? If so, then that's not obligatory. The Islamic tradition is for women to keep their maiden names, they don't have to take their husband's last name. And many Arab women i've noticed keep their maiden last name.
Now if you're talking about in-laws changing your name, then that's bizarre. And I'v never heard of anything like that. Was it because your friend's in-laws disapproved of her name or had difficulty saying it or was there another person in their family with the same name as your friend?
I wouldn't worry about it. Just because it happened to your friend doesn't mean it will happen to you as well. These things are rare in my opinion. Out of all the young married women you know of, how many have been told by in-laws to change their names? Most likely not many cuz it's not a common occurrence. You'll be fine.
Ok i have never heard of this name change thing either..not officially anyway…but my grandmother use to call my mother by a different name than her real name…but it was just her, no one else in the family called her that..so i was like a nick name for her from her MIL…
uh what do you mean exactly? Are your referring to changing of last name (maiden name) after marriage? If so, then that's not obligatory. The Islamic tradition is for women to keep their maiden names, they don't have to take their husband's last name. And many Arab women i've noticed keep their maiden last name.
Right! and it is actually preferred by Prophet Mohammad ( PBUH) to keep their maiden name, meaning, being known by the the name of your father. Please correct me if I am wrong.
Right! and it is actually preferred by Prophet Mohammad ( PBUH) to keep their maiden name, meaning, being known by the the name of your father. Please correct me if I am wrong.
i've heard (someone correct me if I'm wrong) that on the Day of Judgement we will be called by the name of our father. And that's one reason to keep your maiden name. Plus, in my opinion, your maiden name represents your family/roots. And your parents are not going to be around forever.....and so why not keep the name they've given you.
I have nothing against those who do change their names. It's a matter of personal preference. And I personally prefer not to change it :)
uh what do you mean exactly? Are your referring to changing of last name (maiden name) after marriage? If so, then that's not obligatory. The Islamic tradition is for women to keep their maiden names, they don't have to take their husband's last name. And many Arab women i've noticed keep their maiden last name.
Now if you're talking about in-laws changing your name, then that's bizarre. And I'v never heard of anything like that. Was it because your friend's in-laws disapproved of her name or had difficulty saying it or was there another person in their family with the same name as your friend?
I wouldn't worry about it. Just because it happened to your friend doesn't mean it will happen to you as well. These things are rare in my opinion. Out of all the young married women you know of, how many have been told by in-laws to change their names? Most likely not many cuz it's not a common occurrence. You'll be fine.
Sorry I should have made it more clear. Her first name has been changed. As far as I know no explanation was given but on the engagement day we were told that her name would be changed after marriage and at the spot they gave her a new name. And no, no one in her in laws family has the same name. I'm not worried :) just irritated...
and yes farishta2 islamically we should keep our maiden name as far as I've read...
First of all, I do not think that you should fret about what your friends in laws are doing as she seems to be fine with it if she is telling you to call her by her new name.
However, it is obviously something that takes time to get used to saying a different name to what you are always used to and you can just emphasis that fact and ask your friend to give you some time to adjust to her new title. Remember, you always have a choice. If you do not like this, you can choose to no longer be her friend but I doubt if you will think that a simple name change is worth losing a friend. Hopefully, this analogy will put the situation in perspective.
And I have heard of name changes several times. One, is as someone else mentioned when two people in the same household have the same name (e.g. wife and sister), the bahoo uses her middle name or another name.
Another reason I have heard is when a pious person tells the family that a persons name is not good (e.g. naam baari hai) so the family decide to change it.
Personally, to quote Shakespeare "A rose by any other name shall smell as sweet"
^
Of course I wouldn't give up a friend because of a simple name change. Well whatever the reason may be it's her life and her choice. Thanks for putting things in perspective :)
I remembered something interesting. I don't know if this is a Shia tradition. But one of my friends is Shia and in her family, her siblings and cousins all have two first names. And, i don't mean a middle name either. They have two first names. For example, her brothers and sisters are known by names which are on their birth certificates and which they go by at school....and then they also go by other first names. And their second names are not nick names at all. For example.....one might have the birth certificate name of Amber.....but also be called Sadaf. BUT.......these second names exist prior to marriage.
Redvelvet, no I've never heard of that before, but interesting. If they are going to use the second name what's the point of the first? Though it sounds like a totally harmless tradition.
Deeba, her mom was confused and a little upset over it but she wants to see her daughter happy and that's what matters to her.
I remembered something interesting. I don't know if this is a Shia tradition. But one of my friends is Shia and in her family, her siblings and cousins all have two first names. And, i don't mean a middle name either. They have two first names. For example, her brothers and sisters are known by names which are on their birth certificates and which they go by at school....and then they also go by other first names. And their second names are not nick names at all. For example.....one might have the birth certificate name of Amber.....but also be called Sadaf. BUT.......these second names exist prior to marriage.
Actually that is true redvelvet. I have two brother in laws from Hyderbad and they both have two different names. Their moms call them by one name and wives call them by another..cant remember the reason why!
Actually that is true redvelvet. I have two brother in laws from Hyderbad and they both have two different names. Their moms call them by one name and wives call them by another..cant remember the reason why!
Were they shia? I'm wondering if it's a Shia tradition.
Were they shia? I'm wondering if it's a Shia tradition.
No Sunnis...I was wondering if it was a Hyderbadi thing? I guess regionally people do different things.
It does get awkward to talk about someone and they look at you..pause and then say...OHHHHHH>..you mean......******...i didnt realize who you were talking about..
Well if you had all just called him one name life would be much easier for me too!!
My first name was given to me by my parents…the people who gave me life. They are the only ones who are allowed to touch it. My birth certificate has their name on it, not my inlaws. If my inlaws want to change my husband’s name because they no longer like it, great! If they dare mention mine, there will be problems. What kind of jihalat is this? Im sorry to be so harsh but this kind of stuff really bugs me so much!!!
Since we’re girls and we marry into a guy’s family, we are no longer our parents’ children? How hurt must her own parents have been? This is their child and now she doesnt even have the name they gave her? We cant see our parents after marriage, we cant leave the house without permission after marriage, we cant even keep our names after marriage, what is this??? Such backward practices really get to me…
I think i’m overreacting it’s her life right?
