^ You know what I'm wondering Psquared? I'm wondering if this name changing (in this girl's family)......is a tradition. And if so.....could it be possible that this "tradition" is a form of control. As if to say that the "girl now belongs to us and should leave behind everything from the maternal home even her name." Or perhaps her in-laws think that her "new" phase in life (marriage) should mean a new name. You know how some old fashioned desis believe that a girl is her in-law's property and she should only leave her in-laws house in her shroud? I'm wondering if this could be what this particular family thinks. Hard to say since we don't know all the details of the situation let alone if it is a tradition in their household.
Regarding in laws chanfing first names of bahus. I have seen it happen. Once because the groom's sister had teh same name and twice beacuse the in laws didn't like the given name. Not that it had a bad meaning or anything but I think for one some elder person had told teh in laws it would be better to change the name for astrology reasons.
As for people having 2 first names, its not just a shia tradition. Sometimes children are named by some elder in the family but the mom actually prefers another name so she has no choice but let them name the kid in official papers but call him/ her by her own preferred name. I have seen in happen many times.
Changing last name after marriage - that happens in majority of the cases and should not be taken as an insult. I think it is more of a traditional thing and there isn't anything sexist, discriminatory or otherwise twisted about it.
Changing first name after marriage - Never seen that happen, and that certainly sounds stupid, and insulting!
People having 2 names - yeah I have seen that. Not necessarily a shia tradition. In the cases that I have seen, mother's side of the family wanted one name and father's side of the family another. So they ended up with two names. And that can be quite confusing for the poor buggers.
I have seen this happen only once. The girl got married to her auntie'sson and they changed it because they didn't like the name as they were told it had a bad meaning (although it was a common pakistani name).
However, to reply to someone above who said it doesn't really matter if the name is changed, then I would say thatit is a form of control and our name forms our identity, so its also a subtle attempt at controlling the persons identity. And, even if there are two same names in the family, that does not in my opinion justify changing the d-i-l's name - if it bothered them so much then they shouldn't have gone ahead with the marriage.
I would never ever let anyone change the name given to me by my parents, although sometime I do wish that they had given me a more exotic name!!!
The one thing everyone seems to be overlooking is that the friend has asked to be called by the new name. If she was unhappy with the change, wouldnt she have confided her dissatisfaction to the original poster if they are childhood friends?
I personally dont like my given name and if I had the opportunity to change it, I would, so perhaps this girl was also given a name like Tabbassum-Un-Nisa or Quratulainunnisa ( I know both people btw and no one refers to them by their full name!!) and is actually happy to have another name?
I'm getting married next year inshallah and I was discussing this with my fiance. He doesn't want me to think that I have to change my surname. Although saying that I still feel as though if I did change my name I would feel more 'his'.. and to me that's a beautiful thing. At the end of the day, it's only a name.. there are far more other things to worry about after marriage to be honest lol
I have NEVER heard of in-laws changing first name. That is just bizzare!
okay I understand last name change but first is like - how can I say this - it's like taking YOUR IDENTITY AWAY COMPLETELY.
If your friend is happy and does not mind, then good for her. Do not interfere.
However, personally, I would not be able to let someone do that to me. That's too much control over you. I would actually IGNORE whoever calls me by any other name.
However, to reply to someone above who said it doesn't really matter if the name is changed, then I would say thatit is a form of control and our name forms our identity, so its also a subtle attempt at controlling the persons identity. And, even if there are two same names in the family, that does not in my opinion justify changing the d-i-l's name - if it bothered them so much then they shouldn't have gone ahead with the marriage.
I would never ever let anyone change the name given to me by my parents, although sometime I do wish that they had given me a more exotic name!!!
Ditto to that sister. See that's exactly what I think! Just wanted to add that if it is a practice that is followed in their family then I'd take it as an assault.
If someone has the nerve to change my name…I’ll put them in their place by bestowing upon the offender a horrendous name to my liking.
**Some particularly ugly ones that come to mind: ** Gertrude **(perfect for a goat), Bartholomew (eeew), Boris, Prudence, Hortense, **Mildred, Gretchen, Helga, Gladys (perfect for a cow), Patsy, Dixie, Mertyl. MUAAHAHAHAHA!
I did not change my name after marriage...I didn't even think twice not to change it. It would feel sooo uber wierd to be called something else when ALL MY LIFE i was given a lovely name by my parents. My hubby didn't even ask me to change it coz it's not really islamic to change it anyway so there is no reason.
I know it sounds bad but two of my friends changed their names after marriage and it feels like they gave up a bit of their identity with it as well...I was and will always remain with the name and surname that my mother and father gave me InshAllah!
hahhahhaha!!! what ugly names really. LOLL. where did you pick them?? im laffing so hard right now.. oh and i would also add ‘Agnes’ to this. Such ol granny names all of them
I've seen it happen where the new wife takes on a new name. For the most part, I find it strange, bizzare, insulting, backwards and controlling as well! There are some exceptions, however.
In my extended family, my second cousin decided to marry a Hindu girl. After converting to Islam she took on an Islamic name. (Coincidentally, it was MY name. I don't know if that is a compliment or if its just plain strange). In this case, the name change makes sense.
My aunt hated her name growing up, so when she married her MIL asked her if she would consider changing her name. Glad to have gotten the opportunity, she quickly changed her first name. Again, in this case I can see it being acceptable.
I know of one boy whose mother was very poor when she married into a rich family. When they first brought her in to meet her husband-to-be, they made her change out of her own clothes and into something her future SIL owned. Right after marrying she took on a different first name. She essentially took on a new identity, which was the intention of her in-laws. I remember her husband being quite arrogant about it, and perhaps even choosing the name himself. I found the whole story to be tasteless and sad.
As for surnames, has anyone considered keeping both? That is what I have done. I am attaching my husband's last name to the end of my name. It's a fair compromise, most of my friends have done the same.
ok this is just strange lol...i think when i get married i dont want to change my last name as its part of who i am...but my parents seemed to have planned for the possibility of me changing my name because my middle name is my dads name and my surname is the family name..so even if i drop my surname il still have my dads name..but just a different surname.
i've heard (someone correct me if I'm wrong) that on the Day of Judgement we will be called by the name of our father. And that's one reason to keep your maiden name. Plus, in my opinion, your maiden name represents your family/roots. And your parents are not going to be around forever.....and so why not keep the name they've given you.
I have nothing against those who do change their names. It's a matter of personal preference. And I personally prefer not to change it :)
I've heard that we would be called by our mothers name. Perhaps both. Allahu Alim.
My cousin's MIL changed her name after marriage. I would be offended if anyone did that to me. I have no idea the real reason, but what I heard...
supposedly the in-laws family had some people who wanted their son's hand in marriage...etc...so she was afraid someone might do jadoo on her. So they gave her another name that they call her in public. That way no one will know her real name, and if they did jadoo to the fake name, then it wouldn't work. Hmm I thought it was twisted.
I do think it is more a control thing. They even told her she can't work anymore after marriage.....but in her case I think she was relieved.
I didn't change my maiden name after marriage. The first reason was the identity reason. I really didn't feel that there was a need for me to take my husbands last name as my own last name. Secondly, it would be a hassle, specially in the US all my legal documents have my maiden name on it and even my school records, degrees, certificates. So if I changed my name I would feel weird that my name is something different then what it states on the docs.
