^ do you have a trustworthy friend/cousin with a brother that can talk to him? or maybe if you had a trustworthy married friend/cousin. Are your parents OK with him talking to your sis if you have one? I thought they might find it ok if your sis is still really young or if she's married- but if you had a married sis, you probably would know how to handle it- i'm guessing your the first girl to get married in your immediate family. Or you could talk to his brother? don't know if they'd like that either...
You know, the fact that he wants to talk to you is probably a good sign that he likes you and wants to know you better and is keen on making things work. Don't worry. Most people are good. Good luck.
I find it weird how ur ot alowed to talk to the man ur expected to marry and have children with. but some people in our culture are like that..they dont allow this kinda stuff..but in such strict situations there is not much that can be done unfortuanately..maybe u should be firm to ur parents and be open in explaining how u feel and remind them how much of a chnce u will be taking if u marry without getting to meet the guy..speak to ur mother on her own if necessary..and i think if u did talk to him secretly it wouldnt be a big deal if they found out..especially if u decided to marry him :-D
You should be glad that he's willing to take the first step to establish good communication with you and must take it as a sign of acceptance and unsaid love..I belong to a similar family like yours and as contrast to yours, my fiance would go about throwing attitude, I never found him looking at me, leave apart the communication thing...I'd gotten fed up and confided in mom that he doesn't seem interested in me..then dunno how we met up on the internet, began exchanging SMSes and I discovered my true importance as his childhood sweetheart!!
Gamble your life away in the name of cultural traditions. How much more unislamic can this get. Just so you know Khajidah (RA) knew alot about Hazrat Mohammad (PBUH) and vice versa before they got married. And yes i know it is impossible to argue that to our parents. Islam for them is a grand buffet where only they get to choose what applies to their family.
I find it weird how ur ot alowed to talk to the man ur expected to marry and have children with. but some people in our culture are like that..they dont allow this kinda stuff..but in such strict situations there is not much that can be done unfortuanately..maybe u should be firm to ur parents and be open in explaining how u feel and remind them how much of a chnce u will be taking if u marry without getting to meet the guy..speak to ur mother on her own if necessary..and i think if u did talk to him secretly it wouldnt be a big deal if they found out..especially if u decided to marry him :-D
Me too... esp when we can talk to male uni or work colleagues.. it makes no sense whatsoever..
Even if a person's parents are very strict, what possible harm could it do to talk with elders or a chaperone there?
You should be glad that he's willing to take the first step to establish good communication with you and must take it as a sign of acceptance and unsaid love..I belong to a similar family like yours and as contrast to yours, my fiance would go about throwing attitude, I never found him looking at me, leave apart the communication thing...I'd gotten fed up and confided in mom that he doesn't seem interested in me..then dunno how we met up on the internet, began exchanging SMSes and I discovered my true importance as his childhood sweetheart!!
Do not try talk to him until you get married. Nikah and rukhsati has its own barakat. This suspense is on the other side as well and thats is why he wants to talk. But as you have said yourself you guys have meet each other before and doesnt really know well, talking on phone, sms, chats etc is bound to creat misunderstandings. And I am saying this after alot of observation and experience.
Long distance relationships without meeting each other are not easy going.
When I married I didnt spoke to my wife and I am happy delighted and proud that I didnt. Doesnt make difference what others say but its true.
Relax and enjoy your time before you start new life which is going to be very different from being a single.
Gamble your life away in the name of cultural traditions. How much more unislamic can this get. Just so you know Khajidah (RA) knew alot about Hazrat Mohammad (PBUH) and vice versa before they got married. And yes i know it is impossible to argue that to our parents. Islam for them is a grand buffet where only they get to choose what applies to their family.
Gamble your life away in the name of cultural traditions. How much more unislamic can this get. Just so you know Khajidah (RA) knew alot about Hazrat Mohammad (PBUH) and vice versa before they got married. And yes i know it is impossible to argue that to our parents. Islam for them is a grand buffet where only they get to choose what applies to their family.
not only she knew about Prophet Muhammad PBUH, but also she was the one who proposed Prophet Muhammad PBUH.
Fashion Diva, your parents need to trust you. talk to your parents that you want to discuss things with your fiance.
^again though, I think the Prophet (S) and Khadija (R) was more akin to the limited interaction of business, not casual conversations. And the proposal was sent through a third party, not done face to face. Does anyone know how the Prophet(S) was with his other wives before he married them?
You guys make it sound like knowing someone before marriage is a guarantee of success. Numbers dont lie. Divorce rates are much higher in the western world than in Pakistan, despite the fact that people there know each other very well before marriage.
True that a lot of Pakistani arranged marriages can be classified as suffocating hells, but again, a lot more are successful....and if you simply go by numbers, marriages last longer in Pakistan than they do in the US/europe, despite couples not knowing each other well (or at all) before marriage.
Its only when you make a mix masala of an ABCD/BBCD who wants to make a tossed salad of eastern and western cultures that you have problems and issues like this.
An arranged marriage, if done properly, has a very high success rate. All this convenient Islamic blah-blah about Hazrat Khadija RA and her proposal to Prophet Muhammad SAW is just selective following. Pick and choose the things in Islam that conform to your lifestyle, and conveniently toss it aside and yell "dont bring Islam into this" when it goes against your lifestyle.
Every girl talks about Hazrat Khadija's initiative in sending Prophet Muhammad SAW a proposal, but noone talks about any other aspect of her pious life.
As if sending a proposal was the only thing she ever did!
You guys make it sound like knowing someone before marriage is a guarantee of success. Numbers dont lie. Divorce rates are much higher in the western world than in Pakistan, despite the fact that people there know each other very well before marriage.
True that a lot of Pakistani arranged marriages can be classified as suffocating hells, but again, a lot more are successful....and if you simply go by numbers, marriages last longer in Pakistan than they do in the US/europe, despite couples not knowing each other well (or at all) before marriage.
Its only when you make a mix masala of an ABCD/BBCD who wants to make a tossed salad of eastern and western cultures that you have problems and issues like this.
An arranged marriage, if done properly, has a very high success rate. All this convenient Islamic blah-blah about Hazrat Khadija RA and her proposal to Prophet Muhammad SAW is just selective following. Pick and choose the things in Islam that conform to your lifestyle, and conveniently toss it aside and yell "dont bring Islam into this" when it goes against your lifestyle.
Every girl talks about Hazrat Khadija's initiative in sending Prophet Muhammad SAW a proposal, but noone talks about any other aspect of her pious life.
As if sending a proposal was the only thing she ever did!
This^ my friends, is a post that needs to be highlighted. Thank you Silaaj for that very refreshing viewpoint! :)
An arranged marriage, if done properly, has a very high success rate. All this convenient Islamic blah-blah about Hazrat Khadija RA and her proposal to Prophet Muhammad SAW is just selective following. Pick and choose the things in Islam that conform to your lifestyle, and conveniently toss it aside and yell "dont bring Islam into this" when it goes against your lifestyle.
Every girl talks about Hazrat Khadija's initiative in sending Prophet Muhammad SAW a proposal, but noone talks about any other aspect of her pious life.
As if sending a proposal was the only thing she ever did!
^again though, I think the Prophet (S) and Khadija (R) was more akin to the limited interaction of business, not casual conversations. And the proposal was sent through a third party, not done face to face. Does anyone know how the Prophet(S) was with his other wives before he married them?
yes, it wasnt a direct proposing. she sent it through her relative.
FD.. i know what you mean..i am kind of goin through the same .. i just know the guy as an acquaintance..havn't talked to him at all .. and im gettin engaged within a week inshallah :)
i definitely have my fears and confusions . but i know wot i did has made my parents really happy. my in laws r very loving and sweet . so when our elders are happy and i have their blessings i can hope Inshallah, that things would work out fine :)
and no matter how long a relationship u have been in..how long you have been friends..a person as your SPOUSE can be quite different.. only once ur married u get to know the person inside out. so it is a BIG gamble in ny case ..i wouldnt say love marriages work or arranged marriages dont work ..ive seen both work and both not work in some cases . but mostly do work out fine ..esp arranged marriages ..
but i think there would be no harm in talking to him..y dont u get his number and text him and talk to him like once in a while ...just get to know him..nothing too intimate .that would be wrong ! or you could mail him and be in contact ..
but just keep in mind ...that Allah has always planned the best for us..so He knows better ..and secondly our parents would never want anything wrong for us ...would they ?>? agay hai to hamari apni kismet ...i even saw a couple divorced ...who had been going out for the last 6 years before getting married but couldnt survive two years as husband and wife :S
so its a BIG gamble ... may Allah bless you wid a happy married life...and all your confusions and fears are totally wiped off..
n yea pray for me too :p
@silaaj ..thanks ALOT..thts the best way ny1 cud put it this way.. drag islam into circumstances for ur own convenience ...and then toss it away and say ..we r the progressive moderate muslims ...religion and social life cannot blend together :)