Hope for single ladies

[lafuriaroja]

Re: Hope for single ladies

@Paheli00

1. If a slim girl is willing to marry a overweight guy, who are you or anyone else to say that it’s somehow wrong? I know plenty of girls who are skinny but CHOOSE to date/marry a guy who’s far from being in shape.

2. My husband is easily 4-5 shades darker than me. I CHOSE to marry him and his skin color has never bothered me. So again…why the assumption that every girl marrying a guy significantly darker than her is compromising or somehow marrying beneath her?

And besides, if a Pakistani girl with darker skin tone is having such a hard time find a Pakistani groom for whatever reason, why not consider non-Pakistani Muslims? Many Pakistani men don’t seem to have an issue with marrying a non-Pakistani girl. Allah made it halal for us to marry Muslims period…regardless of race. If a Pakistani girl is really having such a hard time find a Pakistani groom…yet refuses to look outside the Pakistani community despite it being permissible in Islam…then who is really to be blamed for her still remaining single? The same girls who complain about the Pakistani double standards, how unfair/biased the community is etc. would rather stay single and whine about how unfair society is…rather than marrying a non-Pakistani and moving on with their life. So again…boils down to them making that choice and not exploring EVERY option available to them in terms of finding a “normal” and “nice” guy.

I’m not saying they all don’t have a choice, obviously there are all kinds of people in this world and people choose whatever is important to them. But a lot of girls don’t feel they have an option, they feel forced into a choice. That’s where I’m saying there’s a problem. I was using skin colour and size as examples, like I already mentioned those aren’t the only issues. My husband is way darker than me as well, it wasn’t a concern for me either. And I’m not assuming these girls are compromising, I’m using examples from my experience, of girls who did have these concerns, obviously I’m not speaking for the whole muslim Pakistani population.

And yes, these girls do make the choice to maybe not pursue a non pakistani muslim guy but again it’s not that simple. A lot of girls parent’s wouldn’t allow it which means they’d have to look themselves, some of these girls are barely allowed to leave the house let alone interact with guys who are non-pakistani. A lot of communities marry within themselves, I grew up with arabs, and a lot of them would never consider marrying non-arabs either. Again not saying these options don’t exist, but if girls are limited in where they can go and who they can talk to it makes things difficult.

Basically then the only solution for these girls is to have the balls to stand up to their parents and demand their freedom. I guess this is a choice they make to not do this. But I can only assume that it must not be easy to make that choice, otherwise why wouldn’t they do whatever they could to find their life partners especially if it was something they wanted so desperately.

At the end of the day everyone is technically accountable for all the choices they make in their personal lives regardless of what the problems are. You can blame the individual only for making that choice or you can dig a little deeper to understand the other external factors that contribute to the individual making that choice, In some cases the individual will be completely to blame and in others not so much.

As an example my aunt chose to put up with all sorts of emotional abuse from her in-laws. Is it her fault for making that choice, technically yes but she also grew up in a time when that was expected and no one would support her or encourage her for walking away from a marriage just for that reason, including her own parents.