My wife has asked for a Divorce, what if I dont want to give?

Society Religion & Philosophy
21

Re: My wife has asked for a Divorce, what if I dont want to give?

^^^
Brother, you might be right that union council procedure and papers may be necessary. Anyhow, with court papers granting Khula in her hand, I do not think a woman could get any stronger evidence of her status for anything she wants after that, even council papers, NIC, passport, or whatever.

Anyhow, as you said, I also hope and pray that ‘Amarbail’ marriage survives and all get sorted out amicably.

22

Re: My wife has asked for a Divorce, what if I dont want to give?

women can get divorce for any reason for example she says i dont like his face and if she demands than try to reconcile with if she dont want listen talk to her elder if she still insists than you have to divorce her and if you dont than she can go to court file the case for Khula and if you dont go to court than judge can declare your Nikah as fasqh and talaq happens and she is free

23

Re: My wife has asked for a Divorce, what if I dont want to give?

waliakum salam amarbail.

that is very sad to hear. I dont know what exactly the religion says about the questions you asked…i have some idea but since i am not sure so wont say anything incase its wrong. but all i’ll say is try to go for the reconciliation (may be do something special for her). Allah the best.

allah tumhe kamyaab kare

24

Re: My wife has asked for a Divorce, what if I dont want to give?

Peace Amarbail

Do one thing before taking any action: Ask her to write down all the reasons why she wants the divorce. Include her parents in this discussion since they are already in the picture, also ask her to write down what she feels you need to do in order for those reasons to be dissolved. For example:

a) You get angry with me for no reason - if you can promise to be nicer then I will reconsider.
b) You force me to stay with your mother - if you can provide me a different house then I’ll reconsider.

And so on.

What you need to do is either agree to her conditions in order for her to reconsider or provide a compromised solution.

For example as above:

a) I promise to be nicer - but the reason for my anger have been because x, y, z
b) I promise to provide you another house to live in when I have the means to do so, until then please tolerate the situation.

And so on.

When you have done these things then you will see clearly what are her issues, how she feels you can resolve them and how you can come to a compromise.

If however she states that there is nothing that you can do to reconsider I just don’t like you. Then she should be encouraged to seek a khula, you should not provide the divorce because you are not the one who is not willing to compromise. If however you are the one not willing to consider her terms then if she takes you to court you will find that she gets to keep her mahr as well.

25

Re: My wife has asked for a Divorce, what if I dont want to give?

Thank you for such a great reply …:k:

26

Re: My wife has asked for a Divorce, what if I dont want to give?

Amarbail, are u in Pakistan now or planning to go bk soon?

27

Re: My wife has asked for a Divorce, what if I dont want to give?

I think maybe you guys could do with some counselling aswell, you lost a child thats really tragic. Maybe she is suffering depression and crying out for attention. Maybe she cant stand to be away from the only person that understands her pain, you.

28

Re: My wife has asked for a Divorce, what if I dont want to give?

Neither Im in Pakistan nor I have any plans to go …

29

Re: My wife has asked for a Divorce, what if I dont want to give?

the female psyche…never understood and will never understand…thank you Psyah for the first post with the ‘female psyche’…bring a change in you lol

30

Re: My wife has asked for a Divorce, what if I dont want to give?

GOLDEN WORDS. BEST ADVISE ANYBODY COULD HAVE GIVEN TO ANYONE ON THE SUBJECT.

I WAS ALMOST IN THIS SITUATION, DID ALMOST EXACTLY WHAT PSYAH HAS RECOMMENDED AND AM GLAD TO SAY WE ARE A HAPPY COUPLE SEVERAL DECADES SINCE THEN.

DO NOT GIVE UP (ANYTHING EXCEPT YOUR FAILINGS AND EGO) - TRY TO UNDERSTAND WHY AND REMEDY THAT.

31

Re: My wife has asked for a Divorce, what if I dont want to give?

Typing in capital words mean yelling. Please avoid and always type in small letters :slight_smile:

32

Re: My wife has asked for a Divorce, what if I dont want to give?

^ I know. I was intensely typing and noticed midway that caps was on - so left it that way. Was not yelling

33

Re: My wife has asked for a Divorce, what if I dont want to give?

:slight_smile:

34

Re: My wife has asked for a Divorce, what if I dont want to give?

i agree. from what I understand, you were not around at the time of the birth ( i might be wrong). To go through that alone must have been really tough for her and she probably feels depressed and bitter. Its not your fault, but put yourself in her shoes.

35

Re: My wife has asked for a Divorce, what if I dont want to give?

No, you are wrong here ! I was present the moment she gave birth to the child. I made up my visit as a surprise not only for her but for her mother and my family as well. I still remember that moment of my life when I entered her room at the hospital and went straight-away to hold my son … (Im getting tears in my eyes while writing all this now).

Anyways, it doesn’t looks to me that things will move in a right direction, as I heard that her family is in the process for preparing Divorce documents and it will be send to me here for the signature.

I would like to have valualble opinion to the followings:

  1. What that documents would be, Divorce paper or Khula paper?
  2. What if I dont receive them as I do understand my father-inlaw will be sending by driver to my company
  3. Will there be any expiry date of such document?
  4. What if the case has been registered with the court for Khula, do I need to appear, what if I dont go?
  5. In case of Khula, what about the gold? As per nikah nama (gold from girls’ mother and guy side will be girls property). My question is if Khula happened, do I need to give her gold from both sides.
  6. Dowry? to be returned all? what about the gifts etc?

Thanks

36

Re: My wife has asked for a Divorce, what if I dont want to give?

I am sorry that things haven’t sorted out between you two. I wish they had I really wish. Have you tried talking with her directly without involving any third party ? if you haven’t please do so try to sort things out. Ask her why she wants a divorce and what can you do to make her change her decision ? I can tell you that there are very few people who try to save a marriage baqi sub tamasha dekhtain hain and they make every possible move to destroy the marriage. Please take 1st step to reconciliation God will Insha Allah reward you for this.

Anyway here are the answers to your questions:

  1. What that documents would be, Divorce paper or Khula paper?

Most probably a notice in which you will be asked to appear in court

  1. What if I dont receive them as I do understand my father-inlaw will be sending by driver to my company

You will receive them. Lawyers know all sorts of way.

  1. Will there be any expiry date of such document?

I dont think so

  1. What if the case has been registered with the court for Khula, do I need to appear, what if I dont go?

Really don’t know as someone mentioned in this thread before that your failure to appear in court will allow judge to grant her khula

  1. In case of Khula, what about the gold? As per nikah nama (gold from girls’ mother and guy side will be girls property). My question is if Khula happened, do I need to give her gold from both sides.

What has been given to the girl belongs to the girl. Religiously and legally what has been gifted can not be returned back. I can understand your side of gold but gold given from her family belongs to her and you have no right over it.

  1. Dowry? to be returned all? what about the gifts etc?

Yes all dowry to be returned it’s girl’s property not yours and your family’s

37

Re: My wife has asked for a Divorce, what if I dont want to give?

I agree with you that Khandaan ke naam-nihaad baray aise hi maukoo per bajae muamlaat sambhalne ke unhain aur pecheeda bana dete hain, aur mere case mein bhi kuch aisa hi huwa hai … I remember and understand that my wife has never ever shouted or I had never witnessed her loud voice, but now in the presence of her mom/dad who have brain washed her completely, she has been found shouting, abusing and giving bad remarks about me and my family … The reconciliation comes when there is a small chance left, but in my case, my wife and her parents are publicly saying that we will not continue this relation or will send our daughter to my place … Such a terribly situation !!!

So there wont’ be a Khula paper straight away? This is for sure that this document would be for Divorce and not Nikah … Please advise !

So what step should I take upon receiving the document, when there are no chances left for reconciliation … Please advise

You mean to say that no validity period, even I sign or not ?

What about in case of Divorce? Let us assume that the paper they are preparing is not for KHULA but for DIVORCE, what if I dont sign and return it back? Still automatically after some days time she will get Divorce, even I am not signing or saying the words of Talaq to her … !

What about the gold from my side? Look I failed to understand, that even though I am not towards the faulty side, I have not demanded Divorce or Khula, it is her call, but yet again, she will be towards the winning side??? Is there nothing in Islam that Husband can command ?

The same question that I have just asked above … Why the husband being on the loosing side even though he DOES NOT WANTS his marriage to end !!!

Thanks,

38

Re: My wife has asked for a Divorce, what if I dont want to give?

So there wont’ be a Khula paper straight away? This is for sure that this document would be for Divorce and not Nikah … Please advise !

Why would she send you nikah papers ? as I said it would a notice to you to appear in court.

So what step should I take upon receiving the document, when there are no chances left for reconciliation … Please advise

I think you can contest the divorce if you want. But if your wife tells the judge and convince her that there is no way she can live with you then judge will grant her divorce. The law allows reconciliation upto 3 months after the divorce that is iddat period.

		 		 	  You mean to say that no validity period, even I  sign or not ?

If judge grants the divorce then there is little you can do I believe.

What about in case of Divorce? Let us assume that the paper they are preparing is not for KHULA but for DIVORCE, what if I dont sign and return it back? Still automatically after some days time she will get Divorce, even I am not signing or saying the words of Talaq to her … !

They can’t force you to give talaq to her. If they want they should get khulla . Don’t sign talaq papers if you don’t want let her take khula.

What about the gold from my side? Look I failed to understand, that even though I am not towards the faulty side, I have not demanded Divorce or Khula, it is her call, but yet again, she will be towards the winning side??? Is there nothing in Islam that Husband can command ?

see if you give a gift to your friend and later on your friendship breaks would you reclaim the gift from him ? no right because it’s his property now same way is with the gold those are gifts to bride and its her property now.

and seriously gold is nothing you are loosing your marriage. but anyway if u want your gold back you can probably make a claim for it.

The same question that I have just asked above … Why the husband being on the loosing side even though he DOES NOT WANTS his marriage to end

dowry is something that her parents paid for and it is her property. you never had a right on dowry. it comes with the bride and goes with the bride. i would consider it stealing if you keep her dowry and if not here you will be answerable for it on the day of judgement to ALlah

39

Re: My wife has asked for a Divorce, what if I dont want to give?

best is that you contact a lawyer for all this and please don’t make it a dushmani again please try to resolve the matter and try to see what really went wrong. it may not necessarily be her side that is wrong.

40

Re: My wife has asked for a Divorce, what if I dont want to give?

^ dushmani ?

You mean to say that she abused me, my father (who is not alive), my mother, my sisters and you are asking me not to make it a dushmani? Im quiet till this day and have not said any single word but telling you the truth, God is there and He is the better judge for everything ! I strongly believe that Almighty Allah (SWT) will give them the punishment for what they are doing and what they have said !!!

Kehna asaan hota hai lekin jis per guzarti hai wohi jaanta hai, mein is wakt kis karb aur takleef se guzar raha hoon yeh mere siwaye sirf aur sirf Allah Pak ko khabar hai … I have now explored this ke mujh mein wakae Allah Pak ne bahut sabar rakha hai !

Mein ne na hi kabhi chaaha ke apni shadi shuda zindagi ko khatam karun na hi kabhi yeh chaaha thaa ke halaat is morr per ajayenge, mujhe yeh bataya jaye ke agar larki baat karne ko hi tayyar nahe, poore khandan ke beech beth kar mujh per meri family per keechar uchaal rahi hai tau kahaan se ayegi reconciliation ? Yeh khandaan ke naam-nihaad barray jinhain aise wakt mein halaat sambhaalna chaheyey thaa unhi logoo ne beech per parr kar is maslay ko yahaan tak le aaye hain !

Aaj mere in-law aur meri wife sab ke samne hansi khushi yeh kehtay nazar arahe hain ke na hum ne apni beti wahan bhejni hai na hi is rishtay ko qayyam rakhna hai !

Allah Pak aqal-e-saleem ata farmaye, Aameen