ghar choor ka ap ka pass aa jie :)
if she s strong enough n educated she wil figure out sumthin, besides its not like she doesnt have any parents...
or else live there n dont complain . see coz there is no solution to this , u cant make the inlaws see that she is human who has left her parents merried their son bore his daughter .......... they hav no regard for that
Re: My story needs ur patience to read.
[QUOTE]
if she s strong enough n educated she wil figure out sumthin, besides its not like she doesnt have any parents...
or else live there n dont complain . see coz there is
[QUOTE]
no solutio
[/QUOTE]
n to this , u cant make the inlaws see that she is human who has left her parents merried their son bore his daughter .......... they hav no regard for that
[/QUOTE]
every1 is wise enough to knw wht is right n rong ... n wht is required at som particular time ... In short ... Kaam ker ka koi nahi martaa .... se jst need to work n MIL ki khidmat kar ka misunderstandingggggsss ka the end kerdai ..... n prove her tht se is beter bahu ... bla bla bla bla ...
Re: My story needs ur patience to read.
the issue is that here in pakistan most gals stay in unhappy marriages with callous in laws coz they don want to be labelled as "divorsed". thats the thing .
so every gal in this kindda situation has to make a decision ..........
just take it dont complain n hope it wud end sum day
or just get the hell outta there.
there is no cure , u cant reason with such unreasonable bunch, they wud always stick by eachother n wud always be the same.
Re: My story needs ur patience to read.
*If you guys cannot bear to read someone's post and offer anything constructive to say then please do yourselves and everyone else a favor and not say anything. Thanks. *
Re: My story needs ur patience to read.
^ coccoo.I agree. there is really no solution here. There's too many people. You cant fight them. And Im assuming in your situation divorcing isn't a better option either. All you can really do is suck it up. Kill them with kindness. Yes, that will mean saying sorry even though you're right. And pray. There's really no other solution.
Re: My story needs ur patience to read.
the issue is that here in pakistan most gals stay in unhappy marriages with callous in laws coz they don want to be labelled as "divorsed". thats the thing ....
se hav a child but even if se goes for it ... then wht will b the future ... ? its a minor issue ... sab ghar mai he hoti tore bhot fgt ...
so every gal in this kindda situation has to make a decision ..........
just take it dont complain n hope it wud end sum day
or just get the hell outta there.
running away from issues r nt the right solution ....
there is no cure , u cant reason with such unreasonable bunch, they wud always stick by eachother n wud always be the same.
IMO opinion its the best to keep quite ans sya sorry its the only way to get the love and respect of ur hubby and family back
Re: My story needs ur patience to read.
I understand that the SIL acted like an idiot first. But Gullible.....your father added more fuel to the fire with his own angry comments.
Both parties should apologize to one another. But I know the in-laws will never apologize. Gullible, it would be nice if your parents could be the "bigger people" and apologize to soothe their huge egos and thus help you out. But if that is not possible.......then YOU, Gullible,.....be the bigger person sweetheart.......and apologize to your in-laws for the misunderstandings and harsh words. If you want to continue staying in this marriage............then apologize to maintain the peace in the family for yourself and for your baby.
^ coccoo.I agree. there is really no solution here. There's too many people. You cant fight them. And Im assuming in your situation divorcing isn't a better option either. All you can really do is suck it up. Kill them with kindness. Yes, that will mean saying sorry even though you're right. And pray. There's really no other solution.
killing wid kindnes or winnin over wid love ............ good options very good indeed.
but gullible u hav 2 b v v strong hearted n do this wid a single minded determ ination ....... i mean nothin they say or do sud bother u then.
Re: My story needs ur patience to read.
**Everything would have been fine if your husband stood up for you in front of his family! This would have never been a problem. I think more then anything you need to work on your relationship with him. **
**You and him are ONE TEAM, and nothing, meaning your parents or his should come in the middle!!! He sounds a little too desi, but since you ARE married to him, you got to work with who he is! **
Also, when you talk to your MIL, you should not have to do it alone, you should have your partner(hubby) right next to you for support!
This is just a big misunderstanding, and iA’ it will cool down with some time and talking. But hun, you need to look at the larger picture. If your husband does not support you, how will you be happy for the rest of your life? There are gonna be larger problems you will have to face, if your hubby is not next to you.
I hope everything works out for the best for you!!!
Re: My story needs ur patience to read.
Your parents should have gifted your kid the Maid. Said to your in-laws that it was for their grandkids.
Still. You have a lifetime to spend in that family. get cosy with your MIL.
Re: My story needs ur patience to read.
Hello! i read it all, but maybe put some spaces in to make it easier to read?
Anyway first of all.....i dont think your husband wants you to say sorry because he thinks you are wrong, i think he wants you to say sorry because his mum and sister are probably making his dimakh kharab, and he thinks the easiest way out is you say sorry and forget this.
And i think it is what you should do!
The only person who can be on your side is your husband, im sure he loves you, make sure you dont ruin things with him.
Say sorry to everyone who cares about whether you are right or wrong. Talk to your husband and bond with him.
Now you are probably thinking, if i say sorry then they will think i am weak and they will expect me to say sorry every time they do something wrong?
But if you dont say sorry then you and your husband will drift apart and he may truly get brainwashed because MIL and SIL might say what kind of girl is this!
WHich is worse?
I think say sorry, bond with your husband, be strong and use the mheeti choori. Kill them with kindness.
How old are you btw?
[quote="alvena"]
Anyway first of all.....i dont think your husband wants you to say sorry because he thinks you are wrong, i think he wants you to say sorry because his mum and sister are probably making his dimakh kharab, and he thinks the easiest way out is you say sorry and forget this.
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I agree with this statement. It's just easier that way. Not the greatest way to handle things...but whatever. I mean they're are like 6 SIL + MIL vs. YOU. I can definetly see his pt of view here why he would just want you to say sorry and move on.
And suppose he DOES take your side...what will most likely happens is that his sisters and MIL will boycott your hubby and your little family. And that may seem great to you, but it would be realy hard on your hubby and that's prbably something he doesn't want- and thus he figures that i fyou would just say sorry and move on it would be the most convenient.
Re: My story needs ur patience to read.
what pisses me off the most is tat 10 years ago, a woman would raise 2 or 3 kids at the same time and on top take care of the house without complaining...
Gulible u have only 1 kid and u already started complaining,... After reading the whole thing, i think the whole arguments is over a maid.. If ur in-laws don't want u to have maid then raise ur kid urself.. Eventually the kid will grow and will stop bugging u, so have patience and suffer for sometimes.. patience is virtue....
Always keep in mind honey, ur parents should "NOT" interfere with ur in-laws matter... u saw the result of a divorced lady.,, khuda na khasta u don't want to be in the same position...
Peace...
Re: My story needs ur patience to read.
^^ aatii ha … aur chaa jaati ha :k:
I really wish I had some constructive advice to give you, but having never gone through this, I'm not sure if what I say will be helpful.
First of all, as most here have said, apologize. If you can get your parents to join you in this, all the better. I understand why you wouldn't want to do this because your inlaws aren't angels from what you've described and could really take some lessons in the art of humility, but here's the thing. It. Will. Never. Happen.
I have met people like this. I have people like this in my life. And I'm pretty sure everybody in this forum (as well as on this planet) knows at least one person who goes by the motto of "Me and mine are always in the right. Everybody else can go to hell."
You can't argue with these people. You can't reason with these people. They are not rational so there's very little to be reasoned with. So please just accept that fact...it will cause you fewer headaches.
Are you depressed yet? I'm sorry. Here's the good news. Though there may not be any benefits that you can see now or even in your lifetime, Allah loves people who grin and bear it. Really. People who exhibit patience, who bite their tongues, who try to throw water on fire instead of adding fuel to it...he loves them. I'm not saying you should become a doormat (more on that below), but try your hardest to not fire back when you're faced with their obvious bad manners. That only works in books and movies. I think Mabrook said it best so I'll just sum up - keep being polite. This will bring you 2 benefits. One, you will have no regrets later in life. You can look back and say to yourself "I tried my best and I did not lower myself to their ill-mannered behavior." That doesn't sound like much now, but trust me...not having regrets on your conscience later in life is a huge deal. The other benefit is this...other people will notice as well. If your inlaws are treating you like this all the time, it's bound to get out eventually. And if they're anything like other desi people (your SIL definitely is because one little comment about how weak you were sent her into an angry tirade), they care very much what "log" will say. Once the gossip starts (if it hasn't already), you might see them quick to change their ways. Or you may not. Some people can't be convinced that what they're doing as wrong.
Now, as for the whole maid issue. This is a tough one. You obviously need some help around the house because it's affecting your health. Your inlaws aren't providing you with one and it seems your husband isn't going to help you out on this score. I'm going to suggest something that's quite manipulative and underhanded. But this is what an acquaintance of mine did. And it worked. And I think it saved her life because she too was like you a few years ago - weak and sick from running after two children and getting absolutely no support from hubby and in laws. Remember when I suggested you should be polite but shouldn't make yourself a doormat? The above advice was the polite bit. This is the part where you stop letting them walk all over you. And it's simple. Do what you need to so that the FIRST set of tasks accomplished every day are for you and your baby alone. Once you are done with those, then do your best to help out around the house. And if anybody says anything to you, well then this is where you're going to have to be brave and have to put up with some nasty comments. This is where you'll have to give them a sugary sweet smile and say, "I know, I know. I hardly have time for anything anymore. But I know you want me to give your grandson/nephew/etc the best care possible right?"
I've never gone through this situation before so my advice should be taken with a grain of salt. But I hope there's something helpful in there for you and if anybody thinks I've got it all wrong, please feel free to jump in and let me know. 'Cause I see this happening all too much around me and I'm at a loss over what to say when people ask me for advice.
Re: My story needs ur patience to read.
^ That was awesome, Mistral! :k: :k: :k:
I just want to add that there's nothing wrong with asking for help.
It may well be true that there are women out there who raise multiple children, run the household and say not a word in complaint. I have yet to meet a woman like that. Because whether we admit it or not, we all get by with a little help from our friends (sorry Beetles for stealing your line). Even the most "on top of it all" women I know get some assistance. Whether it's in the form of hubby doing the vacuuming while the wife does the cooking, or a maid coming in to help with some of the housework, or a mom or MIL visiting after baby is born to pitch in while while the new mother recovers from labor, even the most super of super women gets tired and needs a hand.
Just because a few years ago no one complained (and I don't know if I really believe that statement), doesn't mean that they didn't get tired...it doesn't mean that they didn't have complaints. They were maybe just afraid to say something out loud. Perhaps they didn't want to cause trouble, they didn't want to worry their families, they didn't want to say anything bad about their inlaws. But it's very possible that they did need to vent, but chose to remain silent out of fear. Nowadays, girls are more educated, they tend to speak their minds, and they have some degree of independence so they are not as afraid of making known their feelings.
And why shouldn't they? Nothing should ever be taken to extremes, but if you're tired, if you're overworked, if your health is being impacted negatively, what's wrong with speaking up and saying, "I need some help?" There are even some indirect references in the hadith that the wives of the Prophet (PBUH) had domestic help and even the Prophet (PBUH) was known to pitch in himself by repairing torn clothes, cleaning up, etc. So if it's ok for the Umm Al Mumineen, I think it's definitely ok for us.
Re: My story needs ur patience to read.
Gullible, your inlaws will never change. They will not allow you to keep a maid. It's sad that such households have similar traits, abusive B------s.
You should apologize to MIL, then tell hubby you have said sorry.
Forget about the maid, if its causing a problem then leave that issue. Because they will never ever let you do what you want, unless your husband takes a stand. You husband is a boy still, so you should be mature and tactful with inlaws.
Dont let your parents say sorry, keep your parents out of it, deal with the issue yourself.
If things are getting really ugly then involve your parents.
Re: My story needs ur patience to read.
The whole thing shows how superficial women folk especially of todays age are. Look at your sil, she does nto even knwo how to treat elders. Your husband is probably spoilt by too many sisters.