My Sister's Nikkah Dilemma

[Paheli00]

Re: My Sister’s Nikkah Dilemma

@azalea

However she refused and went and spent the weekend at his place anyways, when she came back we questioned her whether she stayed with him in his room etc, yet she got angry and was like, this is my husband now, who cares what I do with him, "why is that even a question? I don’t know if she is spending the night with him in his room or not, but his parents are also getting mad at my parents that it is okay if she comes and spends the weekend at their house and they don’t see anything wrong in it. When I ask her if she is spending the night with him she doesn’t think its my business and refuses to answer. I really don’t know if they are consummating their marriage, but is it still wrong anyways?

Your sister is a married woman. You and your parents need to get that through your head. Whether or not your sister is doing anything sexual with her husband is NO ONE’s business but theirs. I’m shocked that you and your parents think its ok to ask a married woman what goes on in her bedroom with her husband! You didn’t feel an ounce of shame when questioning her on this?

@azalea

My parents are devastated because yes they are married now so technically she can do whatever she wanted, but my parents really wanted to do a rukhsati with all the preparations: mehndi, etc which can only happen on a virgin bride, but now they feel that all went out the window.

If this is the only reason your parents are upset, then they sound very backwards and narrow minded. Going by their logic, women who are raped/divorced/widowed should not have a rukhsati with all the preparations! Do you have any clue how stupid this sounds? Besides, do you and your parents really think your sister and her husband needs to spend the night in his parents home in order to get physical?! They have been hanging out a lot since the nikah. They could have easily gotten a hotel room during the day and has sex during any of those times. Bottom line is that once the nikah was done, it was NO ONE’s business when they have sex.

@azalea

I see right in both sides but I don’t know what to tell either of them my parents or my sister who is right as my sister is technically married….

Your sister is a married woman period. You and your parents need to stop being so besharam by asking her about what goes on between her and her husband. The only thing you need to do and tell your parents to do the rukhsati as soon as possible.

P.S. Since your parents are such experts in Pakistani culture, they should already know that its a bad idea to cause tension/arguments with their daughter’s in-laws. If you and your parents continue to cause enough drama over this, there is nothing that prevents the in-laws and maybe even the husband to back out of the marriage. Then what will your parents do?! What’s done is done. Start planning the rukhsati asap. It doesn’t have to be a huge affair.