Aren't you guys slightly embarrassed asking your sister if she spent the night in her husband's room and if she had intimate relations? I'd be mortified asking and answering!
And who said a mehndi can only be done on a virgin bride? What about widows and divorcees?
There comes a time when you need to choose...what is more important and what you want to follow: religion or cultural practices that are so...nonsensical that it makes one wonder how people ever followed them in first place.
Mehndi can only be done on a virgin bride, did you spend the night in your husband's room, aurat parayi hoti hai, etc etc etc.
Can you explain the logic (if there is any) behind these concepts? I'd appreciate it.
Your sister is a married woman. You and your parents need to get that through your head. Whether or not your sister is doing anything sexual with her husband is NO ONE’s business but theirs. I’m shocked that you and your parents think its ok to ask a married woman what goes on in her bedroom with her husband! You didn’t feel an ounce of shame when questioning her on this?
If this is the only reason your parents are upset, then they sound very backwards and narrow minded. Going by their logic, women who are raped/divorced/widowed should not have a rukhsati with all the preparations! Do you have any clue how stupid this sounds? Besides, do you and your parents really think your sister and her husband needs to spend the night in his parents home in order to get physical?! They have been hanging out a lot since the nikah. They could have easily gotten a hotel room during the day and has sex during any of those times. Bottom line is that once the nikah was done, it was NO ONE’s business when they have sex.
Your sister is a married woman period. You and your parents need to stop being so besharam by asking her about what goes on between her and her husband. The only thing you need to do and tell your parents to do the rukhsati as soon as possible.
P.S. Since your parents are such experts in Pakistani culture, they should already know that its a bad idea to cause tension/arguments with their daughter’s in-laws. If you and your parents continue to cause enough drama over this, there is nothing that prevents the in-laws and maybe even the husband to back out of the marriage. Then what will your parents do?! What’s done is done. Start planning the rukhsati asap. It doesn’t have to be a huge affair.
Hmm.. Your sister should have waited but not for the reasons you're suggesting. I know of two nikkah's that were broken before ruksati and in one the girl was already pregnant. The families treated the nikkah like an engagement and unfortunately they were also broken like an engagement but a broken nikkah is a way more serious matter.
So if there's no education, distance issues then don't wait too long. The wedding has already happened so why wait. Tell your sister since you guys don't want a pregnant bride (because let's be real, people will bad mouth her and not the guy, including her in-laws who will turn on her the second there's a single whiff of scandal) you will have move up the wedding. Sure it wont be the biggest ot grandest affair but this is the only solution. Kapray bantay rahtay hain. You don't have to give her the whole trunk load in one go.
And your parents need to calm down and think about how their actions will make things worse. Freaking out about it is not going to help anyone.
So start telling ppl she is married.
Like way you were trying to replace nikkah with engagement.
Now try replacing nikkah with marriage. Every one would be happy that way.
My parents are devastated because yes they are married now so technically she can do whatever she wanted, but my parents really wanted to do a rukhsati with all the preparations: mehndi, etc which can only happen on a virgin bride, but now they feel that all went out the window.
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As everyone else has said....this is one of the stupidest things I"ve ever read/heard of.
There's no dilemma, it's just your backwards thinking.
Your sister is stupid and immature and so are I hate to say your parents. If they did not want them to consummate the marriage, they should not have allowed her to spend the weekend, and if she did despite told not to, then you should know , it's done, no point asking her.
Your parents are right to be disappointed with her, it seems from your post that they did not allow her to spend weekend at her in laws house and she went despite that and did not come back at night that your parents told her to, that's such an utter disregard for parents. That is a sin.
Now Islamically she has not committed a sin but Nikah and consummation are two different things religiously, hence different rules of sharia apply, so it was not uncommon I guess in Islamic period for Nikah and consummation to happen at different times.
There are many things in life that have nothing to do with religion but more to do with contemporary culture of a particular place, people dress, talk, carry themselves in a certain way that establishes their image. What your sister did might come back to bite her in the back later, like one of the listers said above.!
If they did not want them to consummate the marriage, they should not have allowed her to spend the weekend, and if she did despite told not to, then you should know , it's done, no point asking her.
It's stupid for desis to think that a couple needs to spend the weekend or a night together in order to have sex! If a girl's parents want to make sure that she is not having sex, then the girl should not be allowed to go out with a guy alone for hours PERIOD. Nikah or not, a couple that wants to have sex can make it happen ANYTIME and ANYPLACE. Sun being out or lack of a bedroom isn't going to prevent it.
Ridiculous. They are legally married. By religions definition they are married. By all defintions they are a husband and wife. Nikkah is not an engagement, even if your family is misusing it as such so that the guy and girl can hang out alone without social stigma. You are wrong asking another mans wife if she has been sexual with her husband, even if she is your sister. You have no right to hint at that or ask her such private questions. Mehndi and rukhsati are cultural traditions carried over from India and have no legal or religious basis on a husband and wifes marriage. Holding off to have a rukshati is not going to prevent sex or divorce or whatever other fears people have. Either way, she has a right to have sex with her husband.
It's stupid for desis to think that a couple needs to spend the weekend or a night together in order to have sex! If a girl's parents want to make sure that she is not having sex, then the girl should not be allowed to go out with a guy alone for hours PERIOD. Nikah or not, a couple that wants to have sex can make it happen ANYTIME and ANYPLACE. Sun being out or lack of a bedroom isn't going to prevent it.
Her parents trusted her and these things are to tell her what's expected of them and not to chain them up.
