…a white revert.
do you think its a wise idea, i mean marriage is a life long commitment, or meant to be anyway!
our parents are quite liberal, but there quite confused with this, their not really sure where to stand.
let me know your views, the pros and cons, so that i can help with the final decision!
thanks:)
Re: My sister wants to marry...
It is a very tricky decision to make.
I am not too sure if its a wise one or not. If your sister is born/raised here and understand white people then its different story. However if she is raised in the asian style life long comitment is some thing to carefully think of.
One important question is that how practicing is ur sister and how stable is the guy on faith. One problem with new converts it that they struggle to keep up with the faith and then mess up some where in the middle. (I have this experience only this Ramadhan)
All I would say that your sis should take time to make a final decision and instead of using emotions use brain. This will help her to reach a better conclusion.
Good Luck to her n him !
Re: My sister wants to marry...
its usually not a good idea to marry someone if there r big cultural differences....
the differences can be a cause for disagreements and destablize the relationship....
Re: My sister wants to marry…
my veiws
your sisters gotta think about it clearly and your parents have to make her understand that marrage isnt a game, look at the cultural differences and see if they are going to be happy,
**if she is muslim (same goes for any religion) **then will her partner be willing to convert to islam if not what will her children be brought up as.
she has to talk to him and draw out all the pro’s and cons of everything
BTW my brother has married a none Asian and he is very happy my parents took a while to acept it but its worked out for all the best my mum treats her as a daughter too.
you just have to ask your sister does she really want to do this and what exactly will she be teaching her future children:)
Re: My sister wants to marry...
I'm a little disturbed by some of the replies here, so let me give you my two cents, from the guy's perspective.
First of all, he converted well before marriage, so you can't question his faith. In my experience, most converts tend to be more seriously practicing than many born muslims. This is somewhat different for those who convert just to get married.
If your sister and he are both religious, there shouldn't be any major cultural differences. My husband and I don't have any, because when we have an issue that we absolutely cannot resolve we immediately look at what Islam has to say about it. This has happened maybe a handful of times in the past 15 years.
In a lot of mixed marriages, the dominant culture tends to be the one that is the most "overwhelming", if you know what I mean. Desi culture is definitely this. If the boy is American, then American "culture" in individual families is very flexible, allowing for new things to come in to it without any period of adjustment. I know both American men married to Pakistani girls and many American women married to Pakistani guys. In both cases there is more Pakistani food cooked in the house, salwar kameez is worn on Eid day, and more time is usually spent with the desi in-laws.
By the way, marrying outside of your culture is a sunnah, something that the Prophet (saw) did in several cases and also something that he encouraged.
It depends whether your sister cares more about culture or Islam, and whether your parents care more about culture or Islam.
Even non-muslim goras don't go into marriage thinking that it won't be a life-long commitment, a convert to Islam will take those vows very seriously, and if he is a practicing brother, your sister will receive the full rights that Islam has given her.
An added bonus for your parents should be that she won't have to put up with nosy, picky in-laws who make trouble for her, or people trying to cause problems in her marriage. Even parents of converts I know who were not happy that their child converted have been accepting and loving towards their families. Many go so far as to send gifts to the kids on eid and so on. Her in-laws will most likely be very loving and will go out of their way to make your sister feel welcome in their family.
That said, the biggest problem in your sister's marriage, from my and other's experience, is most likely to be you and your family. Desi families feel a need to interfere in every small detail, whether it's their business or not. Are you willing to accept him as he is, or do you want him to "act like a Pakistani"? Are you willing to trust your sister's instincts, or will you second guess every move she makes and then say - "see, this is what happens when you marry someone from another culture?" The divorce rate among mixed couples that I know is fairly low, certainly no higher than with desi couples living in the US, where divorce seems to be a new trend.
You have to be open-minded and accepting of him and his family as well. There's nothing unislamic about inviting non-muslim relatives to your home once in awhile - many families of converts are so put off of Islam because of the way they are treated by muslims.
In the end, every marriage has some problem or other at some time or other (check out Life1), but it's apparent that your sister puts more emphasis on her faith than her culture, so you and your parents should trust that and do the same.
Re: My sister wants to marry...
Before giving any opinion I need to establish that when did he embrace Islam? Did he convert to Islam FOR the marriage or He converted well before meeting your sister ans IS a practicing muslim?
Re: My sister wants to marry...
well i wish her all the best
Re: My sister wants to marry...
If he converted a long time before they met, then majority of problems with a mixed marriage are eliminated right there.
Re: My sister wants to marry...
Think abt the kids.. wont they b confused what they r..? white or asian..?
One of ma uncles is married to a dutchie n they have three kids.. The kids r confused coz they dont know who they r.. pakistani or dutch..? Muslim or christian..? Marry some1 from another culture is no big deal.. But ppl have to make compromises.. U cant expect that one person have to give up everything.. both will have to make sacrifices..
But Im a person who looks at the future.. think abt the kids.. rite now everything looks okay but when the children r born there decisions to make.. then what..?
(Im talkin abt IF one of them isnt a muslim..)
Re: My sister wants to marry...
I married a white convert and allhamdulilah we r very happy and inshallah always will be. When they convert, they do it with their eyes open and they tend to b more practising than a lot of pakistanis i know. And that is from knowing quite a few white converts who have married pakistani women.
Re: My sister wants to marry...
I have one cousin married to a texan, one cousin married an englishman, and another dustant cousin married to a french guy. These are girl cousins. They seem to be happy except for the one married to the english bloke, but its less to do with culture and more with personalities and all.
You just have to make sure that their is compatibility and that they would be able to deal with the cultural differences.
I mean you dont want to se anyone in teh situation of the 'princess and the marine" where the novelty wore off for both of them fairly quickly. I do wonder about all the hoopls when they eloped, but all was quiet on the press front when the whole thing fell apart.
Re: My sister wants to marry...
he is already a practising muslim.
Re: My sister wants to marry...
thats what i think but my parents think it might be difficult for him to understand the culture, and fit in with the 'extended family'
Re: My sister wants to marry…
the faith isn’t a problem for future kids, cos both of them practise islam but the cultural differances are certainly an issue.
i mean are family isn’t really bound by cultural ‘laws’ we tend to do what we please rather than worry about what others might think:)
but even so this isn’t a matter to be taken lightly!
and skin colour should’nt be a worry either cos my sis is fair skinned with blue eyes!
Re: My sister wants to marry...
thanks for that and may Allah amke ur dreams come true!!
Re: My sister wants to marry...
thank you:)
Re: My sister wants to marry...
he has been a muslim for a good few years now, and has only recently proposed to my sis, and is a practicing muslim.
and what ever happens the final decision will be the one agreed mutually between my sis and parents!!!
Re: My sister wants to marry...
Cultural differences can occur b/w two desi raised in different environments, so it really cmes down to the couple, which cultural/family norms they would like to keep and which ones they would prefer not to continue, what other things they would like to add that would help them maintain a healty relationship and a balanced family.
Re: My sister wants to marry...
I agree with everything amana said. It should really boil down to what kind of muslims they are (you say they are both practising, so that should solve most of your problems right there, if that is, they both have the same idea of what islam is). Another one would be, like amana said, how he can fit into the family. Desis want to be very interfering (i am assuming you are one, please pardon me if my assumptions are wrong). So, as long as either side of the family doesnt interfere too much (eg, wanting to do some things culturally as opposed to from a religious POV), they should be ok.
I am surprised how much we are willing to let the culture dictate our lives as compared to islam itself, judging based on some replies.
Re: My sister wants to marry...
Why not?
He's a Muslim and that's all that should matter.
We sometimes get a bit carried away with our sentimental attachments to our ethnicities but these things are only regional culture and traditions, it's only Islam which really matters, all other identities are temporal and useless in the next everlasting world.
You're lucky she's chose a Believer, I've seen Paki girls with Hindu guys and even though they're the same ethnicity and I respect all people but I think it's still really sad when a Muslimah goes for a life of fornication with a Disbeliever, but the guy in question here is a brother so go for it and make him a part of your family, it's pretty hard for most reverts as their own families are not always very supportive.
I think a Muslim person of Paki descent born in the West can relate more to a Caucasian Muslim born and raised in the same enviroment than a imported Pakistan born person, there's more of a cultural gap with the latter because second/third generation Pakis don't have a true understanding of the real Paki culture 'imports' grew up with.
I've met one White lad and two Black lads who were reverts to Islam, and except for skin colour I saw no difference between us and them.