For those of you who didnt follow my story last time here is a quick summary.
Dad found rishta, me and him started talking via email and Instant messaging on my black berry. We talked alot almost 3-4 times a day. He came to see me. Was very happy, contacted me as soon as he left saying he was happy, spoke to me for a week after but didnt contact my parents about it. Eventually (after I hinted a little) he was extremely sorry that he didnt contact my parents and called them the next day and told my dad he was happy and would invite us over soon.
So update from last time (for those who did follow)
He spoke to me for 2 days following him calling my dad, there was no hint of him being unsure. In fact he was very positive and very polite, that was last sunday.
So its now friday, I havent heard from him all week (since sunday) i messaged him once on wednesday just asking how he was…nothing tooo needy or overbearing, he responded right away and was very polite and told me he would speak to me later and i left it at that. Its now friday night and i still havent heard from him.
I told you several time, you are just wasting your time with that guy. He is not interested in you.
You can write it on paper that he is looking other girls at the same time while keeping minimum contact with you. And so far, he maintained very low contact whenever you try to push him...
I told you several time, you are just wasting your time with that guy. He is not interested in you.
You can write it on paper that he is looking other girls at the same time while keeping minimum contact with you. And so far, he maintained very low contact whenever you try to push him...
I dont understand this........why would he contact my dad and say he was very happy and would invite us over soon when he really was not interested?
hmmmm he is thinking about you and your family, taking his time... sometimes this comes as selfish behaviour, coz he obviously is thinking abt himself only at this moment,whats is best for him?.. but on the other hand, he doesnt want to jump into something he's unsure about, but he is keeping you waiting...
He should be clear with you and tell you that he needs time before meeting the parents, but he should stay in touch with you coz how else will he find out if he wants to see your parents and eventually marry you... (he's being selfish)
but its also very likely he might be looking into other rishta's..
advice: let him be and if he gets in touch with you do what you feel is right, meanwhile maybe you should start looking for other options...
hmmmm he is thinking about you and your family, taking his time... sometimes this comes as selfish behaviour, coz he obviously is thinking abt himself only at this moment,whats is best for him?.. but on the other hand, he doesnt want to jump into something he's unsure about, but he is keeping you waiting...
He should be clear with you and tell you that he needs time before meeting the parents, but he should stay in touch with you coz how else will he find out if he wants to see your parents and eventually marry you... (he's being selfish)
but its also very likely he might be looking into other rishta's..
advice: let him be and if he gets in touch with you do what you feel is right, meanwhile maybe you should start looking for other options...
thanks funky nails :)
he has actually been to our family home once and we are waiting for him to invite us to his as he said...
^You say you're chill....but you don't sound it. I don't think you should have called him on Wednesday. I also don't think you should wait around for him to invite you....just continue living your life and don't get too attached. He'll do it when the time is right and if he's that interested. Also, I don't think that invitation will necessarily result in a marriage.......so let's say that you and your family do get invited....u still need to keep cool. Maybe consider coming up with a time-frame after which you seriously move on (emotionally) from this guy if he's still wishy-washy...and keep your options open.
ummm if you’re really getting impatient and losing your mind over this, then you can either ask him straight up what’s going on, or do the old “I’ve got other potentials comin to meet me, should I?” :halo:
^You say you're chill....but you don't sound it. I don't think you should have called him on Wednesday. I also don't think you should wait around for him to invite you....just continue living your life and don't get too attached. He'll do it when the time is right and if he's that interested. Also, I don't think that invitation will necessarily result in a marriage.......so let's say that you and your family do get invited....u still need to keep cool. Maybe consider coming up with a time-frame after which you seriously move on (emotionally) from this guy if he's still wishy-washy...and keep your options open.
Thanks RV, i was trying to say above that its not like I am super sexually attracted to him and in love with the idea of love...yes i am anxious because he is a good match.
Your advice makes sense :)
I just wish i was telepathic haha!
No i dont think or want a second meeting to result in a marriage, i would just like him to show if he is interested or not just to get to know me better..
Im going to try my hardest to chill out and not think too much!
^I dunno....decide with your family how long you want to "wait" for him to invite you guys over. Or if you think that your parents won't be understanding....then come up with your own deadline. If by your deadline he doesn't make it clear which way he wants to go.....move on from him and look at other options. Go ahead and actually meet the other rishtas. And if you're still in touch with him even then...casually let him know that you have a prospective family coming over....and it can even be mentioned when he asks what you're doing or what's up with you lately. That might motivate him to take stronger action...as in get his parents involved if he's serious about you. If not...then oh well...move on to someone better.
I do think you need to have a time-frame/deadline for yourself because if you continue to keep in touch with him like this (even when he doesn't make it clear what he wants)...you risk getting more and more attached to him. And THIS can make it harder for you to consider other rishtas with an open mind. You'll find yourself emotionally trapped and it's not a comfortable place to be in.
^I dunno....decide with your family how long you want to "wait" for him to invite you guys over. Or if you think that your parents won't be understanding....then come up with your own deadline. If he doesn't make it clear which way he wants to go.....move on from him and look at other options. Go ahead and actually meet the other rishtas. And if you're still in touch with him even then...casually let him know that you have a prospective family coming over....and it can even be mentioned when he asks what you're doing or what's up with you lately. That might motivate him to take stronger action...as in get his parents involved if he's serious about you. If not...then oh well...move on to someone better.
thanks for your advice as always makes sense :)
my dad said he would call him tomorrow possibly if the guy doesnt respond to my dads text, and if we are still unclear then wait another 2 weeks, but he said to me that we are still considering other proposals.
im not sure if my dad calling him is a good idea...?
^let him handle it. That way, to the guy, it'll appear as a desi dad just being a proper desi dad. Whereas u confronting him...may appear needy. I dunno....I could be wrong...but that's what I think. If anything...your dad could speed up the process for you and your family so you'll know what to do next with your life....not fun to waste time.
I dont understand this........why would he contact my dad and say he was very happy and would invite us over soon when he really was not interested?
When you are not sure about your next move...you try to keep things good with everyone because you dont know what the future holds. He is looking at other girls and its very obvious by his flaky behavior. At the same time, in case things work out with you...he doesnt want to burn that bridge.
Another question...have you met his family? Spoken to his parents? Have your parents had any contact at all with his family? Or has it just been him?
In this whole situation nothing is mentioned what is his family like and their input. Most of the talk is about him.
OP seems to be desperate and he is taking his sweet time.
Not a good combination.
OP! you cannot depend on branch of tree, no matter how strong it may be. A branch is never stronger than the trunk of the tree. So look out for that too.
