I can understand that Muzna...the whole sorting out your thoughts. It seems like she's not as sure of herself and what she wants even though she says she doesn't care and at first seemed more decided about the step she wanted to take. It's the wording that was contradictory. No, there's nothing wrong in getting suggestions and considering things from different angles.....although it can sometimes be confusing and she needs to keep in mind that she knows her husband and situtation better than us....and to factor this into the decision making process as well.
Weren't there suggestions of rehab and informing his family about the cocaine? Have you tried those options?
If you feel that your pregnancy is going to be difficult in that environment, then leave him for some time so that you can focus on the next baby and your future. But continue to check on your husband and see how he's doing. If he knows what he is doing is wrong and just can't go about stopping the habit, then he can still be helped- but he'll need lots of support and time.
As some of you are aware of my situation. I am married and have a daughter and my husband is abit of an issue. In my previous posts I told you about his habit of going out and doing cocaine. Although this isn’t very frequent there have been enuf repeat occurrences. It happened again last nite.
This time the only difference is im pregnant. I conceived even though I was on birth control, Allah ki marzi. Last nite when this happened I felt I didn’t care anymore. I was very calm and said to him I have tolerated so much with you that now I don’t care what u do but one thing im telling u today that im not letting our kids to grow up around a father figure who is a junkie then I went to bed. Im at work today so not seen him, but I feel strongly about just asking him to leave once and for all.
I don’t care about knowing why he is doing it, like I was before, I feel like I have my children so I don’t care anymore about he is like, I can look after them myself.
Am I thinking along the right lines?
U know I am sorry for my hard words but if he is such a bad guy you he should not be allowed to impregnate you. You don't wilfully establish such relationship with a person who is bothering you or disgusting you or for whom you have been thinking to leave.
Anyway, you need to sort things out. Not every way can be your way , does not matter if you like your inlaws or not you will have to get them and get your own family involved. There is a limitation to which someone as an individual can do. Drug issue can not be taken care of by an individual pregnant woman , you need support ! Above all you need to determine and set your priorities in life and deal with them accordingly.
Astagfirullah what kind of careless man does drugs when he has a family to look after. How do these men even get married?!!!!! May Allah guide him to a better path, i personly know of a family who couldnt handle their son in laws drug habbits so they had to interviene and save their daughter's life. I think you should tell elders.
I would go and help her get him to a rehabilitation center, no matter how difficult it may end up being, I'd chain him up, drag him out If needed, but I cannot emphasize enough when I say this. A cocaine/heroine addict needs immense support and attention. Overcoming his addiction should be considerably easier when he has his kids/wife for his support, it will help motivate/encourage him to give up. A temporary break however and in most cases is only going to make the break a more permanent one and eventually destroy his marriage. Later, even his life.
Internally, he may wish to stop but considering how painful (as it is for a mother while in labor) the withdrawal symptoms of Cocaine/Heroine tend to be, he's going to have a major difficulty stopping it without medical help or attention, for which he needs to be admitted to a Rehabilitation center. And imho i'd strongly request/advise the OP to consider that before anything.
If I had a daughter in your position, I would be supportive of her, and would want her to come to me with any problem she faces. In your current situation, you need all the support you can get, both for your and your child's good mental/physical health.
Please do choose to handle this on your own. You must have a brother, sister, cousin, sunt, uncle, parents whom you can trust, in whose judgment you have confidence, and who you know will do everything they can in your best interest.
Lean on them. It is OK to seek out some support in this vulnerable situation you find yourself in.
Thanks for all your comments. My relations with my husband were never bad, little issues here and there. This cocaine thing comes out of the blue with him every few months. I just dont get it. its not like we're in a bad relation with each other and he is pushed to this.
I came on here to vent and get it all out, i have asked him to leave so i can get my head around whats going on and maybe this will sort him out, i dont know, only time will tell
Thanks for all your comments. My relations with my husband were never bad, little issues here and there. This cocaine thing comes out of the blue with him every few months. I just dont get it. its not like we're in a bad relation with each other and he is pushed to this.
I came on here to vent and get it all out, i have asked him to leave so i can get my head around whats going on and maybe this will sort him out, i dont know, only time will tell
Since you have great relationship with your husband , then it is better for you to not leave and get him into rehab , it is still an addiction even if it happens once in a while. If you are out of the scene he might do it more often. Right now he controls himself to do it frequently because he knows you will be POed if he does that.
I say you should still check up on him. He's still your husband and you might be the only person who can get through to him. You don't want this move of yours to backfire and have him turn to coke more.
B.U.M.P. = Bring up my post. ← That is, for the lovelies that do not understand the jargon of the internetz.
p.s. I’m just curious about the topic in hand and hence the current state of affairs (that may be) between her and the husband. Therefore, I demands for an update.
im really sorry you are going through this...cant be easy, especially given that you are pregnant. Cocaine is a highly addictive and dangerous drug...trust me, I have seen people have issues with it. Personally, I feel like you are right in thinking that a separation would be best. If he is still doing it, especially when you are pregnant, he will not stop. Cocaine induces mood swings, irritability, aggressiveness and violence..this is not healthy for you or your children. Its not the 1st time from what I get from your post, if he had not stopped before he will not do it now.
What are the reasons he does need cocaine? Pressure at work? People take drugs when they have nothing to do for example or when there is pressure or when they have other problems in life. Today we live in a socitey where this kind of stuff is propagated openly and everyone is taking Marijuana, drinking Alcohol execssively or in this case take cocaine and no one says anything against this. No one raises his voice and points out the real issue.
In this case people do not care if they have a family or kids. They give a **** about it. Cocaine is a snake which eats you up and when help does not come quickly, it detroys you.
A empty mind is a devil's workshop. Or when there is no balance in life and you feel a heavy load on yourself. This heavy load comes from you, when you are away from God. Believe me. I know what I'm talking about. There is a person inside you who wants to follow the commandments of the Lord, but there is also a person which wants the opposite. How much can your soul accept? When you go over the limit it forces you to destroy yourself. I know what I'm talking about.
Professional help has come. This is the word of God. That is my belief. Try it out.
People search their fortune in job, money, position. The real fortune is the single prostration before your Lord which is better than everything what the world has in it.
