As some of you are aware of my situation. I am married and have a daughter and my husband is abit of an issue. In my previous posts I told you about his habit of going out and doing cocaine. Although this isn’t very frequent there have been enuf repeat occurrences. It happened again last nite.
This time the only difference is im pregnant. I conceived even though I was on birth control, Allah ki marzi. Last nite when this happened I felt I didn’t care anymore. I was very calm and said to him I have tolerated so much with you that now I don’t care what u do but one thing im telling u today that im not letting our kids to grow up around a father figure who is a junkie then I went to bed. Im at work today so not seen him, but I feel strongly about just asking him to leave once and for all.
I don’t care about knowing why he is doing it, like I was before, I feel like I have my children so I don’t care anymore about he is like, I can look after them myself.
As some of you are aware of my situation. I am married and have a daughter and my husband is abit of an issue. In my previous posts I told you about his habit of going out and doing cocaine. Although this isn’t very frequent there have been enuf repeat occurrences. It happened again last nite.
This time the only difference is im pregnant. I conceived even though I was on birth control, Allah ki marzi. Last nite when this happened I felt I didn’t care anymore. I was very calm and said to him I have tolerated so much with you that now I don’t care what u do but one thing im telling u today that im not letting our kids to grow up around a father figure who is a junkie then I went to bed. Im at work today so not seen him, but I feel strongly about just asking him to leave once and for all.
I don’t care about knowing why he is doing it, like I was before, I feel like I have my children so I don’t care anymore about he is like, I can look after them myself.
Am I thinking along the right lines?
First of all, I'd suggest you calm down before you make decisions in a hurry. Second, I think you should get out of what is obviously a failed marriage.
You're definitely thinking along the right lines. Imo, if you don't move away from him now, he will never leave his habit, or even think about leaving it because by you staying there, you're just showing him that it is fine - when it is NOT.
I congratulate you for taking this step - move away from him, kick him out of the house, whatever. You've realised he isn't good for you or your children and that is absolutely right; don't feel guilty for taking such an action.
May Allah guide you and make you strong through this trial. Ameen.
i feel like if i dont do it now it will go on and on and before i get big (pregnancy wise) and cant handle the dramas i shud do it now and then i can be left to pick up the pieces whilst i can.
i realise he isnt good for me, a waste of space. just need alot of support to do it but have no family around and dont even want to involve them, want to be strong and do this on my own. i know i can deep down.
i feel like being pregnant has given me this power to finally put my foot down and say hang on a minute but enuf is enuf.
Ok so I don't know the whole story so I can't say throw him out. Why is he doing cocaine? Does he hate his life or something? Does he feel he is worthless? Was he like this when you married him? I'd give a pothead a chance and this is why: a lot of them are genuinely good hearted people and they turn to drugs because they can't handle life anymore. In this case and this case only, send them to a rehab facility. if they recover, they would be very thankful to you and would appreciate life more than anything. If they don't, cut your losses and move on..
If his sole reason to do drugs is to fit in with his friends, well throw his a$$ out, get a restraining order and file for divorce.
if the situation is no longer tolerable for you then you definitely need to do something about it.
suggesting that he clean up his act is not an unreasonable request and doing it now before you are physically unable to handle stress is a smart decision.....
use the positive energy that you are obviously feeling wisely and don't let things/actions get out of control.
a separation until he is clean is likely what you want to suggest rather than a complete and final break-up.
Ok so I don't know the whole story so I can't say throw him out. Why is he doing cocaine? Does he hate his life or something? Does he feel he is worthless? Was he like this when you married him? I'd give a pothead a chance and this is why: a lot of them are genuinely good hearted people and they turn to drugs because they can't handle life anymore. In this case and this case only, send them to a rehab facility. if they recover, they would be very thankful to you and would appreciate life more than anything. If they don't, cut your losses and move on..
If his sole reason to do drugs is to fit in with his friends, well throw his a$$ out, get a restraining order and file for divorce.
I don't understand this......why does one scenario warrant rehab while the other doesn't?
Ok so I don't know the whole story so I can't say throw him out. Why is he doing cocaine? Does he hate his life or something? Does he feel he is worthless? Was he like this when you married him? I'd give a pothead a chance and this is why: a lot of them are genuinely good hearted people and they turn to drugs because they can't handle life anymore. *In this case and this case only, send them to a rehab facility. if they recover, they would be very thankful to you and would appreciate life more than anything. If they don't, cut your losses and move on..*
If his sole reason to do drugs is to fit in with his friends, well throw his a$$ out, get a restraining order and file for divorce.
If "turn to drugs because they can't handle life anymore" then send to rehab.
If "fit in with friends" then throw him out and seek divorce.
Why would you not consider rehab in both scenarios?
If "turn to drugs because they can't handle life anymore" then send to rehab.
If "fit in with friends" then throw him out and seek divorce.
Why would you not consider rehab in both scenarios?
I didn't know there was a rehabilitation facility that teaches you to make friends wisely. I thought an adult man should be able to figure that much? Getting rid off bad friends could just be a tad bit harder than quitting drugs. At least that's what I believe. this is why I ask if he was like this when she married him..
I didn't know there was a rehabilitation facility that teaches you to make friends wisely. I thought an adult man should be able to figure that much? Getting rid off bad friends could just be a tad bit harder than quitting drugs. At least that's what I believe. this is why I ask if he was like this when she married him..
I'm sure that there isn't a rehab facility that teaches you to make friends wisely......but the school of life and the guidance of loved ones around you certainly does.
I would hate to suggest to someone that they give up on their husband and father of their children because he made some bad choices about the company that he keeps. I like to believe that I would devote a bit more effort to helping this person and expect that he would do the same for me.
Perhaps we don't see eye to eye on this but I don't think that either situation warrants an immediate decision for divorce. I believe that we owe our partners more.
I didn't know there was a rehabilitation facility that teaches you to make friends wisely. I thought an adult man should be able to figure that much? Getting rid off bad friends could just be a tad bit harder than quitting drugs. At least that's what I believe. this is why I ask if he was like this when she married him..
There is rehab for pretty much every mess in life and there is no harm trying it.
As long as 'adult man should be able to figure that much' matters, you will be amazed to see sometimes what adults are unable to achieve.
and Red Ruby, has rehab been already tried and failed?
I'm sure that there isn't a rehab facility that teaches you to make friends wisely......but the school of life and the guidance of loved ones around you certainly does.
I would hate to suggest to someone that they give up on their husband and father of their children because he made some bad choices about the company that he keeps. I like to believe that I would devote a bit more effort to helping this person and expect that he would do the same for me.
Perhaps we don't see eye to eye on this but I don't think that either situation warrants an immediate decision for divorce. I believe that we owe our partners more.
See the thing is, people can turn to drugs to lessen the pain of something that bothers them to the point of giving up on life. If you are too gullible to give in to temptations then that's going to be there for life. it's easy for a person to go back to drugs who has drug junkies as friends than someone who lost interest in life and then got it back... His friends will come around eventually and try to tempt him again..
Besides, if someone doesn't have enough common sense to know that drugs will absolutely ruin his perfectly good and balanced life, then he's a sore loser and surely not a keeper. <if this sounds like the OP's husband, she should divorce him..
^ agree to some degree.....if you are gullible then you will pay for your shortcoming in one way or another.......be it through abuse of your own body or through the loss of valuable relationships in your life.
the point I am making is that being gullible is not a permanent situation or a death sentence.
a gullible person is capable of seeing their mistake(s) and correcting their action(s).
^then that's only upto OP's husband. Should she let her faith be in her husband's hands? if so for long? Something tells me she has already tried extensively to make it work. We will just have to wait for OP to come back and tell us the rest of her story. :)
Is the family involved in this issue? I mean HIS family and YOURS. if you have tried everything and still all is a fail, than I agree, seperation may for the time being (until the baby is born) be the best option.
However, I think it is critical that you be there for him (may be after the baby is born). As a wife it's your job. Just like if your brother was a junkie, it's your job to handle it as his sister. It may take an entire family to bring him back from drugs but if his own family won't look out for him than who will??
^then that's only upto OP's husband. Should she let her faith be in her husband's hands? if so for long? Something tells me she has already tried extensively to make it work. We will just have to wait for OP to come back and tell us the rest of her story. :)
actually what I have suggested is that she NOT let her fate be in her husband's hands......she should absolutely take control of her own fate and the fate of her children.
at the same time she should do what she can to help him as well.
Who cares why her husband started taking drugs. The real question is what is he doing now about it. And the answer is nothing, even though he knows that he has a wife, a child and another one on the way.
OP you're taking the right step IMO. You have tried your best but now you have to take care of your children. Children pick up on things very fast, and if they see a drugged up father, that is worse than not having a father in the picture. A drug addled mind is not a mind at all. Leave him now before you will not be able to at all.
You also need support. I am sure there are many support groups for spouses of drug habituators. A quick search online for the region you live in, or even the newspaper will show you those support groups. You probably can do everything physically by yourself, but you need the emotional support and these support groups provide it. I am sure no one in your community would be very supportive of your situation and you will hear so many things that would make you possibly reconsider your decision if not change it, but you have to be careful not to listen to them. That's why I suggested looking up the support groups.
As for the husband going into rehab...no matter how many times a person goes into rehab, until and unless they recognize themselves, truly, that they have a problem, rehab will not work on them. Addiction is a disease. It's not a habit. It's not a situation. It's a mental disease. But as with all mental diseases if you can't accept you have one, it will not work on you. If the OP's husband isn't too keen on kicking his habit, she can take him kicking and screaming to the rehab, he can stay there like a good little acha bacha but he will go right back to snorting cocaine the next chance he gets.
People may tell you that you're doing the wrong thing, that you should be there for your husband, you should support him, blah blah. But the truth of the matter is, he needs professional help. He needs to seek it out himself or at least have someone who has influence over him to do it. You unfortunately don't, and that's his decision. Not yours, you are not to be blamed. But you have children to consider which are a lot more important.
we are both saying the same thing…