I told you about his habit of going out and doing cocaine**. Although this isn’t very frequent **there have been enuf repeat occurrences. It happened again last nite.
First of all, you are thinking on the right lines, as long as the thought process is to give him a serious threat of the possible consequences and you are not actually planing to leave him. Reason I am saying is because of what I bolded out of your comment. He is not an addict and might be doing it out of fun/experimenting/shughal mela. As mush as this seems to be very irresponsible of him, I dont think that it warrants a divorce.
Now let me ask you 3 questions.
What kind of hubby is he, otherwise?
What kind of father is he?
is he a good financial provider to his family (you and your daughter)?
First of all, you are thinking on the right lines, as long as the thought process is to give him a serious threat of the possible consequences and you are not actually planing to leave him. Reason I am saying is because of what I bolded out of your comment. He is not an addict and might be doing it out of fun/experimenting/shughal mela. As mush as this seems to be very irresponsible of him, I dont think that it warrants a divorce.
Now let me ask you 3 questions.
What kind of hubby is he, otherwise?
What kind of father is he?
is he a good financial provider to his family (you and your daughter)?
Yes and that's why i want to know too how is he as a husband and father. Another serious issue I will consider: how long before he becomes an addict? Unfortunately, we DO NOT know the situation so we can't ask her to consider divorce.. that's a bold step. I personally know a drug addict and he is a wonderful and responsible person when he is not high..lol
If you are a professional who deals with addicts then your views are worth considering or if you have dealt with someone who did not mend their ways then your advice holds some merits , otherwise let professional or the op deal with her husband , it is not as simple as you are making it sound. There is a lot at stake and there is a lot here to deal with , all avenues have to be tried before he is kicked out and a separation is considered. He is a good provider and a good father and a good husband as per a previous post of OP and he is not a gone case as yet as far as his addiction goes.
Who cares why her husband started taking drugs. The real question is what is he doing now about it. And the answer is nothing, even though he knows that he has a wife, a child and another one on the way.
OP you're taking the right step IMO. You have tried your best but now you have to take care of your children. Children pick up on things very fast, and if they see a drugged up father, that is worse than not having a father in the picture. A drug addled mind is not a mind at all. Leave him now before you will not be able to at all.
You also need support. I am sure there are many support groups for spouses of drug habituators. A quick search online for the region you live in, or even the newspaper will show you those support groups. You probably can do everything physically by yourself, but you need the emotional support and these support groups provide it. I am sure no one in your community would be very supportive of your situation and you will hear so many things that would make you possibly reconsider your decision if not change it, but you have to be careful not to listen to them. That's why I suggested looking up the support groups.
As for the husband going into rehab...no matter how many times a person goes into rehab, until and unless they recognize themselves, truly, that they have a problem, rehab will not work on them. Addiction is a disease. It's not a habit. It's not a situation. It's a mental disease. But as with all mental diseases if you can't accept you have one, it will not work on you. If the OP's husband isn't too keen on kicking his habit, she can take him kicking and screaming to the rehab, he can stay there like a good little acha bacha but he will go right back to snorting cocaine the next chance he gets.
**People may tell you that you're doing the wrong thing, that you should be there for your husband, you should support him, blah blah. But the truth of the matter is, he needs professional help. He needs to seek it out himself or at least have someone who has influence over him to do it. You unfortunately don't, and that's his decision. Not yours, you are not to be blamed. But you have children to consider which are a lot more important.
**really?Do you know the OP and her husband personally? The reason she should not opt for divorce is because he is not abusive towards her and he is not an addict YET. Agreed that his behavior is very immature and he should quit hanging out with whoever he is hanging out with. I don't believe this situation calls for a divorce unless there's more to OP's story that we haven't been told about
^ No offence Theorist, but Murghi did not mention divorce - it was first mentioned in post number 5. And neither did the OP mention divorce. Kicking someone out is not the same as divorce.
And to be honest, sometimes even adults can't break away from hanging around with the wrong people, rehabilitation helps with such situations.
I know of a cousin who was a Cocaine addict, was literally found in the gutters once his family came to look for him. Was taken to a rehabilitation center soon after, he was admitted there for about 6 months. Came out fresh and soon enough left for Japan, his Brother who lived there arranged for everything. Today, 8 years later, he's masha'Allah sey leading a successful life. Supports his family back home, has kids, has a loving wife and is successful professionally too.
Everyone who has known him, knew if he was deserted and given up hope on then, he would not have been able survive long enough, let alone to be in a position he is today. Stress is very under rated. I cant personally think of any good thats going to come out if he's kicked out or divorced, instead could lead him to sink even further. A drug addict needs support more than anything else.
now that we’ve completely destroyed the integrity of this thread I think I should clean it up…
but before I do allow me to clarify that the “hug” I was referring to was not khushi related…but then again, knowing your passion for all things bathroom related…maybe it was.
If you're saying that "you don't care" anymore and that you feel strongly enough to definitely leave him.......they why are you seeking our approval/permission (by asking us if you're thinking right)? I can understand the idea of wanting support and sorting out your thoughts....but at the same time it also seems like a contradiction to me and that there's still some level of confusion. While a majority of posters may lean a certain direction....you will get mixed answers.
Everybody can give you their two cents, but in the end it's still YOU who knows your husband and marriage and kids better than us.
^ but red....what's wrong with wanting access to several opinions......of course at the end of the day we all do what suits us best.
having a sounding board when we feel not quite sure of ourselves is a good thing....not a bad thing.
if we are confused and we happen to come across an opinion or comment that clears the haze then well and good.
if we remain confused after the discussion then so be it, we are no better but also no worse than where we started from.....
It’s not a good thing to judge quickly a person’s profession or experience. I have read the OP’s previous thread and my reply was in light of what she had written previously. That’s all I will say in reply to your post. In the end it is the OP’s decision if she wants to pay heed to what I’ve written, not yours or anyone else’s
It's not a good thing to judge quickly a person's profession or experience. I have read the OP's previous thread and my reply was in light of what she had written previously. That's all I will say in reply to your post. In the end it is the OP's decision if she wants to pay heed to what I've written, not yours or anyone else's :)
I would very respectfully like to say that I am not judging you , I am asking you respectfully about your profession and experience because profession and experience in this situation carry more weight than a random person giving random advice. And I am disagreeing with you respectfully again , where you said that she has tried her best , but as I read it from her posts she did not try it to her best yet.
