Why does she have the idea that you and your friends party hard to begin with??
This is a million dollar question (certainly for a lot of people in Pakistan). Back home they have this image of us being all wild. Recently a family friend of my Mother was on a visit here from PAK, her son quite bluntly asked me: Aap Friday aur Saturday night ko ghar pay he hotay hain kay aaj hamari wajah say ghar pay hain!
Basically aik he tarazoo main sabh ko nahi taulana chaheyay.
Re: My Party Hardy Friend
Well, you have two options here, and you might have to pick one choice out of the following two:
*Choice 1. *
Ignore her and indirectly send her a message that you are not interested in such gatherings, so she should not consistently bother you and make you feel uncomfortable.
*Choice 2. *
Try to bring awareness in her through wisdom that the life she is living is not good for herself and her baby. There are better ways of enjoying life, and you might take her along with yourself to your (morally better) gatherings so that she still enjoys a company of a good friend.
*
Choice** 1*** is an easy way out for yourself. You have nothing to lose.
*
Choice 2* might consume a bit of your time and energy, but would save lives of at least two people from moving in a wrong direction, a woman and her baby. This choice might only be good when you see a potential in that person and a sincere will to correct her mistakes and bad habits in life. This choice would inshaAllah bring along blessings for you because our Lord loves and guides the one who loves and guides HIS creations.
I might be totally wrong. Only Allah (swt) knows BEST!
Re: My Party Hardy Friend
The best solution so far i think.
^ I thought the hookah places got closed in Chicago due to some general city ordinance?
Anyways if they arent, just goto Na'ar hookah or Samah, lots of desi girls go there (without any guys) and feel comfortable and the people there are generally nice. If you take her there, I'm sure she'll enjoy it (na'ar had live music too, and a PG-13 dance floor), and there wont be any sleazy guys around like in bars/pubs so you have nothing to worry about.
Patah nahin hookah bars are open or closed I will find out I guess...
Psquared, Samah is awesome! i promise you, you won't be disappointed! we went there to celebrate my best friend's civil wedding ceremony.
its all very comfortable, and private, the food is amazing, and so is the atmostphere. and its a great place to go as a couple too- so maybe both your husbands can join in, if they can find a sitter for the baby. its not at all in your face with half naked belly dancers shimmying everywhere- its just a very chill place. i think you would really enjoy it and it might introduce her to a different kind of partying that doesn't involve thumping bass and mini skirts.
Samah sounds good so far guys! I think I might just go with or without her...I like chill places like that. Btw, SGC, Im not married!!! Pray for me though!!!! LOL. :)
Hmmm...why do you feel prudish? You are who you are, and she is who she is. Simply tell her you're not interested in doing stupid things...let her think you to be a prude or whatnot, but you have your values and principles and you should never shy away from them for fear of what others think. And it's a-okay to doggedly stick to those principles...if she's not willing to tone it down for you, then move on...plenty of people out there to be friends with!
I knew a similar kind of person. She lived in an apartment sponsored by a Muslim charity, had a conservative family, but dated, drank, and the whole nine yards. I dunno...I found that rather scummy...her life is being subsidized by religious people, and here she is doing all of that without any qualms...blah...
Picoico, I felt the same thing when she told me she leaves her husband and baby at home to go out. I felt it was completely irresponsible. I mean, agar kabhi kabhar you do it its a different story but she wants to go out all the time.
I feel prudish sometimes because I dont feel comfortable in those settings anymore. Dont get me wrong guys, Ive seen the inside of a club but after the first time I went out of curiosity, I didnt feel the need to go. I really dont find any sort of attraction in that kind of life or entertainment. Its not relaxing, its not fun, there is alcohol everywhere, guys ogling girls and vice versa, Im sure there are drugs too, etc. And when I talk to her, I feel like I missed a major memo here about clubbing still being a cool thing, lol.
She is such a nice person but is soooo misguided in her views.
Well, you have two options here, and you might have to pick one choice out of the following two:
*Choice 1. *
Ignore her and indirectly send her a message that you are not interested in such gatherings, so she should not consistently bother you and make you feel uncomfortable.
*Choice 2. *
Try to bring awareness in her through wisdom that the life she is living is not good for herself and her baby. There are better ways of enjoying life, and you might take her along with yourself to your (morally better) gatherings so that she still enjoys a company of a good friend.
Choice* 1*** is an easy way out for yourself. You have nothing to lose.
Choice **2** might consume a bit of your time and energy, but would save lives of at least two people from moving in a wrong direction, a woman and her baby. This choice might only be good when you see a potential in that person and a sincere will to correct her mistakes and bad habits in life. This choice would inshaAllah bring along blessings for you because our Lord loves and guides the one who loves and guides HIS creations.
I might be totally wrong. Only Allah (swt) knows BEST!
STP, Ive been doing number one...simply ignoring her. She sent me a message today saying it was so mean of me to stand her up. To be honest, Im a little mad at her for pushing this whole clubbing thing with me all the time and also for not being sympathetic about me not being able to go out because my nani was in the hospital. She passed away the next day. I mean, would any of you get irritated with your friend if they couldnt come clubbing with you because their grandmother was in a hospice fighting for her life?
I would love to show her my friends and Ive already introduced her to my family. My friends and family are all the same...a little on the conservative side. I was hoping she would kind of be able to get an idea from meeting my family but kuch asar hi nahin huwa.
It might do her good to be introduced to my friends but I dont think she will like them. She is looking for party buddies and these girls will NOT be partAYing anytime soon! :)
She might surprise me?
Re: My Party Hardy Friend
wow youre friend seems like a mess.
i guess you should honestly talk to her and tell her that you dont want to go to clubs
and party all tthe time and i agree wit the uther people try and explain to her that she is a married woman and has a baby and a hubby
its time for her to grow up.
best of luck.
Yeah like most people said, just talk to her and let her know how you feel and that your uncomfortable with the whole club scene and make her understand and hopefully she'll back off.
Samah sounds good so far guys! I think I might just go with or without her...I like chill places like that. Btw, SGC, Im not married!!! Pray for me though!!!! LOL. :)
oopsie, my bad!
speaking of hardcore partying though, i think its unfair that us n. american lot get stuck with that label, when i know for a fact that the folks back in karachi party wayyy harder and way more frequently!
your friend is missing out on the lifestyle she's used to- obviously her hubby is not the person she thought he'd be, and having a baby is not a small thing and she's probably not adjusting well to life in north america- it sounds like she needs more counselling than partying. someone should sit her down and find out what her goal in life is and what she needs to be happy and unfortunately, i think the only person who should be asking her these things so he can help her out, is her hubby. where is he in all this anyway?
maybe instead of baby sitting her every weekend, you could offer to sit for the actual baby in this situation, and let hubby and wife go out for their one night a week partying session so they can work this out amongst themselves, and if not you, then i'm sure finding a baby sitter shouldn't be a problem.
PS i think she watchs indian dramas in which they mostly show how american indians do parties
u need to break it to her that its only happens in dramas not in real life....
well, not true..there is a very happening desi party scene and has been for years. I just think that it has a time. during uni, and as single yuppies sure, going out every weekend..and/or more is not uncommon, but that subsides as people get busier with career and then family and kids. Sometimes people who have not had the chance to do all that get to US, they want to do all this stuff which for many is teh been there done that bough the tshirt type of thing. Additionally, in some parts of the world, this clubbing thing is seen as being all chic and cool, so married ppl with kids and all are regular fixtures at clubs as well, maybe that is her frame of mind.
Re: My Party Hardy Friend
^ 
Thats a bit too much too soon for someone whose so far from those things, dontcha think?
Re: My Party Hardy Friend
^saves her form the trouble of spelling it out for her.
Re: My Party Hardy Friend
lol thats hilarious I can imagine she’d run far far away from her no questions asked then 
Re: My Party Hardy Friend
^mission accomplished then. i love ur cranky cat pic
Re: My Party Hardy Friend
aww thanks... dontcha just luv its crazy hair? I like to think that thats what I look like in my moody grouchy off days :p
Re: My Party Hardy Friend
Its really plain and simple. She grew up with this image of NRI from india who have all those jhooti stories to tell and let me not even mention the indian media, films and dramas. So basically she's going through this phase where not anytime soon, but hopefully one day she will hit hard with reality, maybe she would loose some things, maybe not, but it won't be a smooth realisation.
Anyway, its best for you to not get caught up in someone's 'discovering themselves' labrynth. ;) Tell her you've all of a sudden got too busy and loaded with work whenever she calls. :) and She would eventually find another friend for all her party dreams, not to mention she already has realised hopefully that you don't like doing all that because she would have to be really dumb not to, and she is hopefully already hunting another friend in the area ;)