My parents are looking for my rishta but I can't stand Pakistanis!

dosa_chick · July 27, 2013, 2:51am

Re: My parents are looking for my rishta but I can't stand Pakistanis!

heheheee..

dosa_chick · July 27, 2013, 2:57am

Re: My parents are looking for my rishta but I can't stand Pakistanis!

BTW I am from pakistani background married to a guy from indian background. I had my issues with not marrying into a pakistani family but never generalized my own people like this. I guess a lot depends on what kind of people are included in your social circle.

why dont you find people of your quom in other countries, here in canada we have every cast/quom/qabeela that exist in pakistan.

good luck..

PyariCgudia · July 27, 2013, 3:49am

Re: My parents are looking for my rishta but I can't stand Pakistanis!

I can relate to what you're saying.

Situation doesn't get much easier outside the desi community. Then you deal with more prejudice, racism, and derogatory behaviors towards women of a different kind.

Keep looking. Try to get involved in the desi organizations in the UK, there are so many of them. You'll meet good productive people that way.

Jolie · July 27, 2013, 4:45am

Re: My parents are looking for my rishta but I can't stand Pakistanis!

OP which part of Pakistan your parents hail from?

system · July 27, 2013, 8:13am

Re: My parents are looking for my rishta but I can't stand Pakistanis!

You can't stand them because you can't understand them.

kakaballi · July 27, 2013, 8:23am

Re: My parents are looking for my rishta but I can't stand Pakistanis!

:D

zetsui · July 27, 2013, 8:35am

Re: My parents are looking for my rishta but I can’t stand Pakistanis!

braap:

I don’t really have anywhere else to vent this without coming across as a weirdo so I thought I would post this here.

Don’t get me wrong I love my family who are Pakistani but even though I have lived my whole life in a large Pakistani community in the UK I have NO Pakistani friends. My personal experience has been that they tend to be insecure, judgemental and superificial. The only time I have come across “friendly” Pakistanis is when they have wanted something from me.

I know you shouldn’t generalise, and I have met a few Pakistanis who seem down to earth, including a guy who I went to school with. His mum has been asking about me but the problem is his mother is incredibly stuck up as are his sisters so obviously I said no to my parents about taking it any further.

My family aren’t very educated and mostly zameendar in Pakistan but when my dad came to the UK he ran a few buisnesses and did well alhamdullilah so that myself and my siblings could do medical and engineering degrees. Most of our family connections are not that educated so we have to look outside in the area we live but the Pakistanis here have a horrible attitude and think even if their son is uneducated, bad mannered, lazy and not particularly good looking he still deserves a Aishwari Rai lookalike with a University degree.

I’m the eldest and I think my parents are a bit scared about getting me married and so am I.

I just have a massive fear of marrying into a Pakistani family and then having to deal with all the snide comments and drama that comes along with it. I’m also afraid of apne guys who are tied to their mother’s apron strings and will promise all sorts before marriage but after marriage will be too scared to leave home (like my brother).

I also know I’m not a typical Asian, I don’t really wear the latest fashions in salwar kameez, or watch Indian films/dramas, but I do live an Islamic lifestyle. And I know my personality will clash with Pakistani attitudes if I had to live with in-laws.

I don’t really know what to do, I just want to marry someone who steadfast in Islam without all the cultural baggage but it seems even if I find a Pakistani guy like that, his family still tend to be typical Pakis and will cause the usual drama.

I just want a peaceful life.

Marry a US Pakistani, of the 11 Us Pakistani wedding I know of 10 have been UK Pakistnai girls and US Pakistani guys

The visa system is hard as hell in the US. Even moreso after 9/11. The Pakistanis that got through came on H1As an education visa, are well off educated and settled, a lot moreso than in the UK where all you really needed until recently was a bank account and a sponsor/wedding to speed up the process. South Asian Americans are your single richest minority because of this selection. In contrast most UK Pakistanis came as unskilled labourers to what would be dying industries in the UK and suffered a lot of economic and social turmoil after losing their jobs.
The practice here of marrying a guy back home has nearly stopped/people are coming to a realization in the Pakistani community because of the divorce rate associated with them. It’s also not a mainstream practice. 95% of Pak American parents would want their daughter especially to marry a guy from here, and I have not heard of a single person who did their high school education here that is willing to go through the brutal visa/citizenship process for a spouse. Simply not worth the time when there are so many Desi/Arab American kids here
Unlike the UK 50% of us aren’t Mirpuris
Cousin marriage, I have not seen one here in the US in the Pakistani American community, whereas the majority are in the UK *A lot of people retort to this by saying but it’s not haram…it’s not but it just shows you how insular people are that they can’t interact outside their family to find a bride. Also the Prophet PBUH encouraged different tribes to marry, different race (found Bilal RA a wife).
We put our Muslim identity in front of our cultural one. The overwhelming majority of settled Pakistanis here don’t really care who their kids marry as far as race as long as they are Muslim. Preference. Yes. Requirement. No. We hold our culture secondary to our religion and don’t live our lives like we are going to return to Pakistan one day. We live in the West, Allah SWT put us here for a reason and we rationalize Islam for our kids in this society with its challenges for them. In fact despite the great number of UK Muslims and scholars some of the most moderate scholars that reach out to youth have been overwhelmingly Muslim American scholars like Nouman Ali Khan and Yassir Qadhi. A farcry from good ol’ ‘marry back home’ Andy Choudhary

I did not realize how backwards the UK Pakistani community was until I was sitting in my Phuppi’s house in Hanslow and had some aunty, for the first time in my life, even at my impeding her, ask my zaat. Absolutely backwards people. I wouldn’t doubt half the truth that the Sun puts out on you guys, but you cannot generalize Muslims or Pakistanis from it because you guys are like 1% of those populations in the UK. But you cannot blame people for their circumstances. Europe’s socialist states->low birth rate->compensate by letting in uneducated immigrants.

Backed up by facts. Citing my sources.