My mom tells her friends EVERYTHING about me and whats going on in my life she also lies and tells them that me and my sister don’t do a damn thing at home. Before I used to ignore it, but I am a mother now and I won’t put of with this kind of behaviour!! I don’t have any privacy, she goes thru my stuff too and tells her friends EVERYTHING, how much I make, what i bought, what i wear, how much i spend on what, where i go, who i go with, everything.
I told my mom a couples of weeks ago that I would get a place of my own and leave for good if she didn’t stop. She has not stopped. She tells her friends that I got angry with her, and that she hasn’t done or said anything wrong. Then her friends come over and “kasam uthate hai” that my mother hasn’t told them anything, which puts me in a weird and awkward position.
My siblings and father have tried talking to her, nothing helps. I don’t know what to do.
I can’t do this much longer, with everything that has happened to me by my ex and his family, I just want some peace.
Re: My mom keeps putting me in awkward positions....
I would suggest you move out. It's a habit of her and she has been doing this for a years. She won't be able to stop it now. i didn't have a similar situation but when my mom stayed with us after i had my son...she used to get into our business way too much. I had a talk with her, which did nothing. So after that i learned to not share everything with her and thn of course she moved back to her house as well. BUT even now i dont share a lot of my inlaws things or my family things with her. She is not the gossip type, but very judgmental and would put negative thoughts in my head.
Re: My mom keeps putting me in awkward positions....
Move out. Some people can never realize that everyone has the right to personal space and privacy. Considering what you've gone through, you're the one who needs their privacy and peace the most.
And when you do move out, do not speak to your mother other than the normal chit chat, like what you cooked, what your daughter wore, and that's it. There is no need now or in the future for you to share your feelings, doings etc with your mother.
Re: My mom keeps putting me in awkward positions....
My mom tells her friends EVERYTHING about me and whats going on in my life she also lies and tells them that me and my sister don't do a damn thing at home. Before I used to ignore it, but I am a mother now and I won't put of with this kind of behaviour!! I don't have any privacy, she goes thru my stuff too and tells her friends EVERYTHING, how much I make, what i bought, what i wear, how much i spend on what, where i go, who i go with, everything.
I told my mom a couples of weeks ago that I would get a place of my own and leave for good if she didn't stop. She has not stopped. She tells her friends that I got angry with her, and that she hasn't done or said anything wrong. Then her friends come over and "kasam uthate hai" that my mother hasn't told them anything, which puts me in a weird and awkward position.
My siblings and father have tried talking to her, nothing helps. I don't know what to do.
I can't do this much longer, with everything that has happened to me by my ex and his family, I just want some peace.
Any advice?
You are married, why you are not living with your husband?
Re: My mom keeps putting me in awkward positions....
To be fair, you are living under her roof. Unless you are contributing in some way, you are in no place to complain. This is why grownups should not be living with parents. Grown kids should be supporting parents. Parents should not be supporting adult children unless there is a very good reason they can't take care of themselves.
Move out or take some responsibility so she doesn't feel like she owns you.
Re: My mom keeps putting me in awkward positions....
Take this as an opportunity to find your own place. I have a feeling she might be acting this way because she wants you to move out. Trust me, you will come off as a stronger person. Life can teach us a lot if we only have ourselves to fall back on :)
Re: My mom keeps putting me in awkward positions....
I understand that you just went through some really difficult and hard times - how did all of this affect your mother? I mean could she be sharing all these things about you to her friends because 1) she doesn't have anyone else to talk to and she needs someone to talk to? 2) Is she trying to tell them that you're okay after your divorce? Desi ladies can say some pretty harsh things directly and indirectly and divorce is still a huge thing in our community, so I'm wondering if your mom is trying to compensate for something by over-sharing with her friends? Kind of like "ConfusedMe is doing much better without her husband. Divorce was the right thing."
Re: My mom keeps putting me in awkward positions....
I know people are advising you to move out and I also understand where you are coming from. I would be annoyed too. But at the same time, you are a newly single mom. You have a new baby too and probably your mom and family help out too in ways more than one. You need a strong network at this time, especially when you have a small baby in tow. Think long and hard before you make a decision. Some pills are bitter but need to be swallowed for the greater good.
Re: My mom keeps putting me in awkward positions....
I don't think divorced people should live with parents after separation.
Yes, in some ways its nice and distracting to have people around but its MUCH BETTER to learn to be independent, self sufficient and deal with your stress yourself.
You need to move out and learn to be independent...not dependent.
Re: My mom keeps putting me in awkward positions....
My family does help out with my daughter but behind my back my mom tells people that i've burdened her with my daughter. She doesn't say it directly, but when her friends come over, I know exactly what they mean.
I never wanted to move back in with them, I had to because I had also no money coming in. I do want to move out, but I can't find someone to look after my daughter while i'm at uni, nor do I have enough money coming in right now. I've talked to my uni and they say I can study some classes part time and some classes from home, that means if I can get a full time job as well, I can buy my own apartment. I've gotten all of my wedding jewellery valued and if I sell it I'll have enough for a down payment on a apartment, the move and maybe even some furniture.
I just want to be atleast 75% sure, and right now I'm not even 50% sure of how I will manage. I don't want to move out and have no money saved, for if I need any. I REALLY want to move out, and I've done all of my homework, but it's overwhelming, I am responsible for my daughter and moving out is a big decision. I want to move out, I just don't know how, if that makes any sense?
Re: My mom keeps putting me in awkward positions....
Try not to share the stress in your life with your mom and things that are going on. Obviously, since you are living with her, you can't hide everything, but do your best without making it obvious that you are doing so. Once you are more stable you can certaintly have more choices. She is your mother after all. Try to help out at home if you can in whatever way you can. This is a very stressful time for you, you don't need more.
Re: My mom keeps putting me in awkward positions....
I help out all the time! I had cleaned every single room, and was started on cooking and then her her friend comes and while I'm in my room getting my phone she tell her that I've made a huge mess for her to clean up and that I don't do anything at home. I was SO hurt! I was cooking and she knew that, her comments where uncalled for. If i find someone to watch my daughter when I'm at Uni, I am moving out. Because this isn't going to end well. I HATE being around her, I think I'm loosing respect for her, and If I want any relationship with her in the future I need to move out before I lose all respect for her :/
I just don't understand why she has to be so mean, she arranged my marriage and she was the one who told me to get a divorce if I didn't think he would change. She also goes around telling people I didn't want my daughter. I've never talked about my daughter with her, she is the one who told people that she would have gotten me to get an abortion if she knew what kind of person he was.
Do you get any help as a single parent cant remember if you are uk or europe based? Can your uni support you with childcare funding? If it means having to work full time and move out and have your own space and independence then do it. Your mother should be supporting you emptionally at the least thats some very hurtful things to say
However you need to learn to be independent and stand up on your own feet. Maybe take the offer of cutting back classes and look for a job. Once you have a stable income pay for a sitter or nursery and move out. If your mum kicks a fuss just move simple as. This arrangement clearly isnt working and seems itl only get worser.
Re: My mom keeps putting me in awkward positions....
My family does help out with my daughter but behind my back my mom tells people that i've burdened her with my daughter. She doesn't say it directly, but when her friends come over, I know exactly what they mean.
I never wanted to move back in with them, I had to because I had also no money coming in. I do want to move out, but I can't find someone to look after my daughter while i'm at uni, nor do I have enough money coming in right now. I've talked to my uni and they say I can study some classes part time and some classes from home, that means if I can get a full time job as well, I can buy my own apartment. I've gotten all of my wedding jewellery valued and if I sell it I'll have enough for a down payment on a apartment, the move and maybe even some furniture.
I just want to be atleast 75% sure, and right now I'm not even 50% sure of how I will manage. I don't want to move out and have no money saved, for if I need any. I REALLY want to move out, and I've done all of my homework, but it's overwhelming, I am responsible for my daughter and moving out is a big decision. I want to move out, I just don't know how, if that makes any sense?
Why are you trying to buy? Why not rent an apartment? You can drop off your daughter at your parents' when you're in class, but when you go pick her up, just say hello mother, good bye mother. Your daughter right now luckily is too young to understand the stuff her grandmother says and to let her effect her in any sense, so she'll be ok. You however won't be if you stay under that roof any longer.