I have been married 11 months now through an arranged marriage. Our engagement period lasted 9 months. My mil and sil tried breaking our engagement by a combination of : false accusation for which they later apologized, delaying the wedding to infinity to ensure my youngest sil’s husband was able to attend the wedding (though he never came to the wedding), persisting on deciding the meher themselves and comparing each and every event to that of my sil’s wedding (they set xyz as an amount for their daughter, hence we should also agree to the same amount). My engagement was broken and refixed after my mil apologized to my mom. They said the misunderstanding was created by an “unknown” person. His/her identity was never revealed till date; the matter was dusted in the interest of making the marriage happen. So we were married.
My husband’s role throughout the engagement period was not the least of what I expected/ desired from a man. He admitted his parent’s fault and assured my parents to keep my happy. He seemed like the helpless, good-hearted person who was ready to take my side in fairness of any difficult situation that I could be put into after marriage. He told my parents in reassurance (was not asked) to take a separate home if the need arose and if I couldn’t adjust into the family.
Our marriage: is a bunch of lies. My husband lied about his financial condition. He was financially dependant, had taken a huge loan, and had no savings to fund his wedding expenses when we got married. His 9-year earnings were given to his parents. They haven’t told where that money has disappeared. My husband admits to me in private of his fault and his parents for excluding him of the right to his own money. What can he do about it? Nothing. He is looking out for different job, since both fil and hubby work together in the same firm and coz ive been pushing him to change his work. His dad keeps a track on his mails, credit card notifications etc.
Sils have been either bad or indifferent to me. Ive fought with my hubby so many times for their cold attitude….they’ve been mean indirectly and have interfered in so many things even after marriage. I am so full of hatred for them, first they tried ruining the marriage from happening and they have the momentum going
I’ve had huge fights with my husband….I feel cheated, am hurt and our latest fights have been intense…I work full-time, and my husband dislikes it. He initially wanted me to quit work, but now since he’s told me abt his financial condition he wants me to continue till he finds a good job. My mil is very typical and resentful of my work though she has never stated that openly. She brags about her culinary skills and to her work means home. The perception is of course different for their own daughters. My husband has extremely rigid perceptions. He has changed drastically to wht he promised. He is unbelievingly irrational and immature. Like he wants the blanket to be folded double when he comes home for lunch; I quickly do a single-fold in the morning and rush for work. When I reach home in the eve he by then has already done the blanket but he would make sure to taunt me for not folding it in our next fight. He gets easily irritated for the smallest of things, and I am not appreciated for whatever I do. He is just not what he portrayed about himself
I am personally very organized and hate to see anything out of place. He makes me feel bad n tries to prove that I am a bad wife over a blanket though when I come home after staying at my parents’, the room is in complete mess. He tells me to talk to his parents, which I already do. My mil n fil are bricks when I talk. Ive always initiated conversations and they don’t go beyond 2-3 sentences!!! I’ve absolutely no respect at home n feel bad about their treatment. Worst, I resent them for treating their son like crap!!!
My fights have taken a toll on our relationship. We’ve fought more than 9 times out of 10 coz of his parents n sils.
I need your honest advice as my marriage has been so badly affected by all of this. Recently he insulted me in front of his dad, and I feel since that day things have changed for the worse. MIL and FIL have started to taunt openly. My husband recently complained to my dad that I don’t do “khidmat” for him let alone his parents. I deeply resent them and feel I shouldn’t have married a guy whose family accused my parents…. I am so hurt and quiet that if one day I feel I would burst on them and that would be the end of all of this…..I am deeply depressed n regret standing up for a husband who can’t stand up for himself…I feel my husband is abnormal and shameless and has some kind of disorder. I can’t believe this has happened to me
Please, please tell me where I have been wrong besides having committed the mistake of knowingly marrying a guy who couldn’t stand up for his own marriage…..please advise how I can save my marriage…