My hubby came up with this brilliant theory even I couldn’t help but wonder about. Let me add some background first, he likes to threaten me at times that if I don’t listen to him, he will go all Mullah on me and impose his God given rights on me. So then I say to that, I too will quit work and demand a separate accomodation (from Inlaws). Of course, that makes him crack up.. He usually does this when I ask him to help me laundry and little things. It’s all in good fun
So yesterday he says to me, “I think the reason most Pakistani men become religious/maulvi once they are married and have kids is so they don’t have to do anything around the house and they can order their wife around. At the same time, everybody else around him does nothing but compliment him for being such a pious man” The funny thing is I have this happen a lot in my extended family.
Re: My husband’s theory about married men joining the Mullah party
Your extended family represents only one family out of billions of those families where married men a pious and religious and love to take part in raising the family. I know pious and religious men who even change diapers of their babies.
There is world beyond your extended family try to reach out to them.
Re: My husband's theory about married men joining the Mullah party
^I think he's mainly speaking from cultural perspective. He said it jokingly so please don't take offense if you are religious. I just wonder if there's some truth to it.
Re: My husband’s theory about married men joining the Mullah party
Not saying these “pious” men don’t exist at all. I am just wondering if some people really do have ill intentions behind going all religious after marriage and kids.
Re: My husband's theory about married men joining the Mullah party
^I think he's mainly speaking from cultural perspective. He said it jokingly so please don't take offense if you are religious. I just wonder if there's some truth to it.
No offence taken. All I was saying that either he was cracking a bad joke OR he was mixing culture with religion which is now obvious that he was. This is more to do with desi culture than anything else where in some cases women herself (first as mom and then as wife) let it go on.
As I posted in some other thread last week, I have come across few Pakistani women (in fact girls ....latest generation girls) who actually feel proud in the fact that
"hamarey miaan tu uth ker pani bhi nahi peetey aur zarorat bhi kia hai"
I have also seen moms stressing daughters
"jaooo bhai ko pani la ker doo,,,,khana garam ker doo ...college sai aaya hai"
not realizing the fact k baitee bhi college sai bhai k saath hee ayee hai.
Re: My husband's theory about married men joining the Mullah party
See this is what I don't like about pseudo secularists and liberal hippies, they think its their God given right to take cheap shots at religious people...if only others could also feel the cheap thrills in that. So "Desis" will always remain desis no matter what oh so modern "tag" they put on their foreheads. They will never be able to comprehend the idea of respect, live and let live philosophy.
Re: My husband's theory about married men joining the Mullah party
Desi men don't need religion to boss their wives around, they just need to be a man and the rest is taken care of in our culture.
There's no truth to this "theory". Majority of housewives in Pakistan, even those living in pinds, have maids to order around, remember?
That's true.. but I have seen this happen with families that live abroad. I am not questioning their intentions but I really wonder what's up with this sudden urge to become a mulla. I know at least 5 families off the top of my head who are guilty of this. All men married good educated women who were raised in the UK/US, the day they had kids their husbands started preaching religion and became really maulvi, made their wives do pardah, made them quit their jobs, etc etc. I do see this a lot with desi men here in the U.S. This actually happens more often than not.
Re: My husband's theory about married men joining the Mullah party
Not saying these "pious" men don't exist at all. I am just wondering if some people really do have ill intentions behind going all religious after marriage and kids.
How can they be pious and have ill intentions behind going all religious. Isn't it an oxymoron ?
As for religious people doing bad things , child molestation happens in masjid , mandir , dargah , girjah .
Can we come up with a theory that people become mullah , pujaree , pir , padree because they want to molest kids ? No. Right ?
Re: My husband's theory about married men joining the Mullah party
Whats the definition of Maulvi? So anyone who prays five times and grows a beard becomes a molvi ready to be ridiculed? Talk about ignorance and parhi likhi jahalat...
Re: My husband's theory about married men joining the Mullah party
That's true.. but I have seen this happen with families that live abroad. I am not questioning their intentions but I really wonder what's up with this sudden urge to become a mulla. I know at least 5 families off the top of my head who are guilty of this. All men married good educated women who were raised in the UK/US, the day they had kids their husbands started preaching religion and became really maulvi, made their wives do pardah, made them quit their jobs, etc etc. I do see this a lot with desi men here in the U.S. This actually happens more often than not.
It happened with my cousin, he became extra "religious", grew beard, his wife started wearing niqab, they burnt all their pics and videos etc.....though he never forced his wife to do pardah or leave work, she used to work wearing niqab.
These type of people are usually concerned with the outward religiousness so they concentrate too much on pardah, outlook, dress code etc that they lose or forget the soul of religion (good character).
Re: My husband's theory about married men joining the Mullah party
How can they be pious and have ill intentions behind going all religious. Isn't it an oxymoron ?
As for religious people doing bad things , child molestation happens in masjid , mandir , dargah , girjah .
Can we come up with a theory that people become mullah , pujaree , pir , padree because they want to molest kids ? No. Right ?
You misunderstood my point. I meant to say that yes there's no doubt that real pious maulvis exist. I am saying a husband who decides to become all religious all of a sudden is really in a win-win situation. He gets to order around the wife, is not obliged to do anything around the house, and he gets all the compliments from everybody else around him for being a pious man when in fact his intent could be entirely to not be bothered with housechores. I know it sounds weird but it really fits.. I have real life examples..
Re: My husband's theory about married men joining the Mullah party
Omg YES! It's so funny. I have seen cases where the men apply religion "when needed" and people in the community will praise them, as if they are "actually" religious. But like D6C said, this is mixing culture with their idea of what religion is.
But the even more interesting thing is that, many of these woman ( the wives of the pretend molvies) don't pick up on it and than they raise their sons the same way. And that's where it gets sick.
Re: My husband's theory about married men joining the Mullah party
It happened with my cousin, he became extra "religious", grew beard, his wife started wearing niqab, they burnt all their pics and videos etc.....though he never forced his wife to do pardah or leave work, she used to work wearing niqab.
These type of people are usually concerned with the outward religiousness so they concentrate too much on pardah, outlook, dress code etc that they lose or forget the soul of religion (good character).
Yes, THIS! This is exactly what I mean. Thank you, Hareem! Abhi Jolie mujhe kacha chaba kay nigalne wali thi.
Re: My husband's theory about married men joining the Mullah party
It happened with my cousin, he became extra "religious", grew beard, his wife started wearing niqab, they burnt all their pics and videos etc.....though he never forced his wife to do pardah or leave work, she used to work wearing niqab.
These type of people are usually concerned with the outward religiousness so they concentrate too much on pardah, outlook, dress code etc that they lose or forget the soul of religion (good character).
In your cousins case it was all for good , but her husband is implying that people become religious to exploit women and I quote :
[QUOTE]
he likes to threaten me at times that if I don't listen to him, he will go all Mullah on me and impose his God given rights on me.
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and she is saying :
[QUOTE]
I am saying a husband who decides to become all religious all of a sudden is really in a win-win situation. He gets to order around the wife, is not obliged to do anything around the house, and he gets all the compliments from everybody else around him for being a pious man when in fact his intent could be entirely to not be bothered with housechores. I know it sounds weird but it really fits.. I have real life examples..
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speak for yourself please.