mine is a love marriage. my husband and i have been school frnds. its been 1.5 yrs to our marriage. i have another friend (male) who is also my school friend. i share very good frndshp wit him. he has been a true frnd all these years.. its his birthday and he wants to meet up on lunch.. i told my husband at it and he just said NO. he is not going and neither letting me go.. when i asked and persuaded he is getting upset,.. i said its not like i have never met him. but he said pehle ki baat aur thi ab nahin.. i said u cant suppress me like that but he was very sweetly declining and averting his eyes from the topic.. i was getting frustrated.
what do i do? what do i tell my frnds.. i feel so bad for ruining the party. coz if we both dont go it will go cancelled anyhow, coz it was going to be more of a reunion..
my husband always has been jealous of my frndhp wit this guy. he just doesnt like it..
i feel so trapped.. i dont want all my frnds to talk abt hw i m being suppressed by my hubby and all, but how do i just handle this scenario?
please help
Re: my husband is behaving like a jerk, what do i do?
you were friends with this guys before your marriage. was your husband jealous of him then or did this develop after you guys married? if it was something that was there before then you should have resolved this issue before getting married. as it stands now, i would try to talk to him in a rational manner. tell him it's about his reputation among your friends. if you don't go and give a good enough excuse they'll think bad of him and you can't have that. ask him to go this one time with you and in the future please don't make any commitments to anyone without first discussing it with him.
Re: my husband is behaving like a jerk, what do i do?
Dear i feel more than for yourself you want to attend to the Birthday party out of peer pressure or out of the feeling that if you dont go, what will others think. i might be wrong but by reading your post i get this feel. so if you just want to attend it because of others then i think there is no pint in convincing your husband to let you go. o n the other hand if you genuinely wants to go because you like to then only you should make an effort to convince your husband. but you need to analyze why is he against you going there and doesn't want to go himself too.
does he allows you to meet your other male friends and is only saying no for this particular friend?
is your friend a common friend of your husband too?
is your husband generally an open minded liberal person or a conservative sort?
also you must consider any facts that may be making your husband uncomfortable with regards to your friendship with this friend.
and as you mention in your letter that you dont want ur friends to talk abt that you are being suppressed my your husband so my dear how would your friends know abt the reason of your not attending the party until and unless you tell them. if you are so concern about their talking about it then you dont really need to tell them this reason. there are hundred and ten reasons you can give them for not attending the party.
and if your husband is a good husband and does not poke his nose in your matters and doesn't mind you doing things of your choice generally then if he is saying no for just this one particular guy then i don't think he is suppressing you.
Re: my husband is behaving like a jerk, what do i do?
he is the only male frnd i have.. he was his frnd too but now just aquaitance.. he doesnt even give me the reason.. thats what irks me the most.. if i was in his place he woulnt have listened to me at any cost..
Re: my husband is behaving like a jerk, what do i do?
Maybe I'm wrong......but if it makes him this uncomfortable, drop the matter. Get birthday boy a gift and give it to one of your friends, so that she can give it to him on your behalf; this will compensate for you not attending the party.. It won't be the end of the world.
Also, if you fear that your friends will talk about how your husband is jealous and didn't want you to attend the party.......then that implies that it's because you've told your friends that your husband feels jealous or has issues. I don't think it helps matters to have your friends think ill of your husband/marriage.........because this can influence the way they behave toward him if he's also a part of their social circle.....and it can lead to the spread of "talk/gossip" about your marriage. It's something to think about. If you've only one male friend, you've also only one husband and it's him that you live with.
Now it would be a more serious issue if your husband is like this with any male you interact with...such as a coworker, cousin, etc. It's easier said than done I admit...but sometimes compromising/giving in...can lead to more flexibility/trust down the road and give you more leverage in discussing things with the other person.
Re: my husband is behaving like a jerk, what do i do?
ofcourse i can.. but my frnd bechara. he is discussing the venue.. he postponed his bday lunch to the weekend coz my hubby has off only on weekends.
he even wanted me to decide the venue.. how do i back off just like that.. and if not what do i say in the beiginning itself coz i ws ok all ths while..
Why would someone else's party be cancelled if YOU guys don't go?
I think you need to respect your husbands wishes with this matter and the fact that you have remained good friends with this guy while your husband has pretty much stopped talking to him is understandable why your husband doesn't want you to go. You need to be more cautious of his feelings on this particular issue because these kinds of issues can ruin a marriage and make you lose respect for one another.
You might need to asses what's more important, attending this party or having your husband stay upset with you? Like someone said you should check with your husband before making commitments next time, which could be his reason as well. Whatever it is he's clearly not comfortable with your friendship with this guy if you say he's "always" been jealous than that's reason enough. You knew this when you married him. Don't press him about it until he's ready to talk because these conversations are sensitive territory and sometimes can't be forced. The more you force this might cause deeper issues to come out in my opinion, if you already know hes jealous of this guy then pressing him about an exact reason might make things worse, just understand him and drop it.
Just make an excuse and don't tell anybody the real reason, why would you anyway if your friends will talk. Just say something came up. I know it can be hard or look bad but look after your marriage first then after what others will think. Good friends will understand, if yours aren't that type then you probably shouldn't be telling them things about your marriage anyway.
ofcourse i can.. but my frnd bechara. he is discussing the venue.. he postponed his bday lunch to the weekend coz my hubby has off only on weekends.
he even wanted me to decide the venue.. how do i back off just like that.. and if not what do i say in the beiginning itself coz i ws ok all ths while..
what do i say to him? its so embarrassing..
Again why would you go ahead discussing the details anything with your friend in a way that makes you so involved when you already knew your husband isn't comfortable with this friendship?
Re: my husband is behaving like a jerk, what do i do?
anam...it might be hard to do this but if you really think about it...you don't want your husband to think other people (male or female) are more important than he is. Its not fair for sure.
Try to talk to him about it but if he is really adamant...then let it go. What else can you do? You cannot force him to go. It sounds to me like he just might be feeling insecure around this guy because of how close you two are.
I'd apologize profusely to your friend, get him a nice gift and try to make up for it somehow.
Re: my husband is behaving like a jerk, what do i do?
Deer set your friend up with pretty zinty girl and than your husband won't mind meeting all together.
one of my schoolmate girl is also joining us, and she is gonna be thr for the first time.. my frnd and tht girl have been have been catching up a lot on fb lately. and this is gonna be their first meeting in person after a very long time
i told him this also.. he said give them privacy! we are not going
Re: my husband is behaving like a jerk, what do i do?
Are you sure you're not in-love with the friend and that's why you can't stand the thought of missing his birthday? After all your husband and his family (your MIL in particular) have caused you a lot of aggravation in these past many months.
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^ BTW, that's not what I believe, but what your husband might think because of your insistence on going to the birthday. You have a choice between working on your relationship with your husband or going to a birthday party for a friend. Given how simple the choice should be, I'm surprised that you don't already know what to do.
Oh, and as to who is behaving like a jerk in this relationship because of their zidd, your husband might have a different opinion than you.
I understand you wanting to celebrate your friend’s birthday. It’s natural. But what I fail to understand is that you know your husband has a problem with you seeing this guy yet you made plans for you and your hubby without even asking your husband. Why would you make a committment knowing the facts?
Your first and foremost responsibility is to your husband and your marriage. I don’t know what the rest of your relationship with your husband is like, that is, if he’s controlling your other activities as well, but I’d say if it bothers him so much, let it go.
