Re: My Husband Checks Out Women So Much, Plz help me!!!
Sister, we need to realize that no matter how many times we try to rotate a fan with a stick, the fan will stop moving the moment we remove the stick. We need to try to develop current inside the fan so that it may keep rotating even in our absence.
For your husband to stop staring at girls, your fear is nothing for him. It is only possible with the fear & love of Allah (swt), nothing else. Even though I can’t provide you the references, but few things I would like to share that I learn’t from scholars having the knowledge of authentic hadith books.
First try to develop an understanding with him through love & affection. Serve him with an intention of pleasing Allah (swt). Prepare the food he likes, wear the clothes that he likes to see at homes,..help him in his office matters by giving good logical points…etc. (whatever you are good at). Once you feel that he is going to listen carefully to what you say. Share with him that you came to know of few things about looking at na-mehrams that has really helped you. That those who misuse their eyes won’t be able to see the Prophet (saw) in their dreams. That heart is the place where the most precious thing in the universe reside, i.e. IMAAN. Out of the 4 windows of heart (Eyes, ears, mind & tongue), eyes protects from shaitaan 70% of ones Imaan. If this window (eyes) is kept open to all the dirt/dust (immoral gaze) this dirt would first enter the mind through the eyes to develop immoral thoughts and then it enters the heart to develop immoral desires.
Whoever immediately removes his gaze from a stranger woman Allah (swt) would bless his heart with spiritual satisfaction and his nikkah would be done with a hoor of jannah. Just like he himself doesn’t want his mother/wife/sister/daughter to be stared at in an immoral way, other people also don’t want it. Justice demands that we should like for others what we like for ourselves.
These eyes are a blessing of Allah (swt). He has taken it back from thausands of people after giving it to them in this life. Alhamdulillah, if Allah hasn’t yet taken back this blessing from us, the best way of being thankful to HIM for this blessing is to use it the way HE wants us to use it. Protection of one’s gaze is related to the memorizing of Quran and hadith. Anyone who doesn’t protect his gaze won’t be able to easily memorize the verses of Quran and Hadiths. Also, in the grave the first thing that the insects eat are the eyes. Those who have misused it would feel the unexplainable pain in their eyes.
Pray to Allah (swt) for him as much as you can. Do astaghfaar and tell him that the dirt added to ones soul through eyes can only be washed with tears of repentance and quran recitation. Also when you yourself protect your eyes from seeing na-mehrams on TV & in real life, nothing can have a better impact on him than your own practice, as actions speak louder than words.
Sorry for the lenghty post. Would try to add later more of what I learned from my elders, inshaAllah.
okay all of it was beautiful, except when you said that if a man doesnt look at a woman , he gets a nikkah with a hoor, so we either have to deal with it on earth or heaven? I dont think so, i believe hoors are not for that purpose, it is written in the quran that you get everything your heart desires in heaven, and all i desire is me and my husband ONLY thx very much.