Now here is a problem you won’t often see on this forum yet it’s a VERY serious one!!
I’ve been happily married for a year and considered myself very lucky for not having typical marital problems. However I am now stuck with a huge problem that is causing friction between me and my husband!!
My husband and I recently moved due to his work and we are now only an hour and a half away from my parents place. His parents are now 6 hours away from us so we don’t get to see them often. Since we’re new to this area, we don’t know many people and just drive to my parents every weekend at my husband’s insistence. My family has a cat and my husband is really allergic to cats. In the beginning, when we used to visit my family, he had severe allergic reactions like sneezing, wheezing, itchy skin, racing heart etc. but my mom started keeping the cat out of my room completely and got a humidifier which did help for a couple of weeks. However, this past weekend my husband once again got an allergic reaction and kept sneezing non-stop. Poor guy was a total mess! He was very disturbed and so we decided to leave early. Everyone was at work at that time so I just locked the house and we left. My husband constantly tells me to get rid of the cat and honestly I don’t care but my mom and siblings are really attached to it and can’t let it go. My dad on the other hand is totally up for giving her away. Now I am stuck in the middle because my husband is annoyed at my mom for being too attached to the cat and not realizing that he gets severe allergic reactions. He thinks she is putting an animal before him!
The ironic thing is it was ME who brought the cat home back in 2008. I found her online, drove an hour away to get it and brought her home. I was the one who used to take care of her, make sure she was fed and cleaned! And I had not met my husband at that time so I had no idea this cat will give me so much trouble! Now I’ve been living away for a year and after seeing the allergic reaction the cat triggers in my husband, I am beginning to resent it. Meanwhile while I was married and away, my mom and siblings got attached to it and can’t let her go.
I am stuck in the middle because my mom is constantly thinking of ways to alleviate the cat dander in the house whereas my husband is adamant that the cat needs to leave. My husband has tried Clairitin and it doesn’t work for him. His cat allergies are pretty bad and the only thing that works is a steroid nasal spray which obviously is not safe to use regularly since it has side effects. When I talk to my mom about this, she refuses to entertain the idea of giving the cat away and tells me she’ll think of something else. This has been going on for the past two months and I am frankly getting tired of it. My husband told me we can’t go there again unless the cat leaves. My loyalty is to my husband and I am annoyed at my family for being attached to this furry thing that eats and sleeps all day. I can’t believe I am saying this since this cat used to be my baby but I guess priorities change!! Also my husband gets along really well with my entire family and we all have a great time and he has been an amazing son-in-law by always being there so he feels upset that my mom refuses to let the cat go!
What would you have done in my situation? Is my family being unreasonable or is my husband being unreasonable?? Should we just stop visiting till this is taken care of? I can’t believe out of ALL marital problems, I got stuck with one that involves a CAT!!!
Your mother needs to get rid of the cat. It’s as simple as that! If you stop visiting would it be ok with yr family and even yrself? I am sure they can live without a cat .
If the allergies are that severe, I guess it has to go. You'll probably have to force your mum's hand. Just stop going around there and say you can't until they find a new home for it because your hubby cannot manage dealing with the reaction every week.
I would stop visiting my in laws and would tell them if they like to meet me they could come and visit me. MY MIL would soon realize that her Son in Law's health has priority over every thing and Her daughter's happy marriage requires a little sacrifice on her part.
I think both parties are being unreasonable, its just a cat...not a kid. and if a person who only visits occasionally and doesn't have to live with it, shouldn't be demanding to get rid of it. Best compromise I can think of is, is that the parents come visit you...he doesn't have to accompany you to you rparents house everytime does he?
Thanks for the response guys. It validates what I am feeling as well! His allergies were severe a month ago and then with the humidifier and with the cat not allowed in my room, my husband got better. But his allergic reaction can creep up anytime like it did this past weekend since the body can react suddenly even if you're fine for a couple of days. We drive in on a Friday night and usually husband is fine initially but by Sunday morning, he is coughing and wheezing and most weekends his allergic reactions aren't 'severe'.
Unfortunately no one was there to see him get the severe reaction this past weekend since they were all at work so maybe they would have felt bad?! They just take it so lightly since they have no allergies and neither do I but he is my husband and I feel so bad when he is constantly sniffling and clearing his throat and sneezing non stop!
I think both parties are being unreasonable, its just a cat...not a kid. and if a person who only visits occasionally and doesn't have to live with it, shouldn't be demanding to get rid of it. Best compromise I can think of is, is that the parents come visit you...he doesn't have to accompany you to you rparents house everytime does he?
Yeah everything was great this past year because we lived away and we hardly got time to visit my family since they were so far. But now we're close by but we're only here for the next two years and will be moving back so that's another thing which makes me wonder should they get rid of it?! Maybe give it away to a family friend and then take it back once we're gone. My husband likes to go with me, he enjoys spending time with my family till the allergies kick in :( then he gets MAD! (and rightly so!)
Oooohh, should it be damaad or should it be billee.
Tough call man.
In case you did not get the drift, I was being sarcastic. :D
Honestly I know this is ridiculous but trust me this is hurting my relationship with my husband. I am really upset at my mom because my husband has always held her in the highest regard and has a great relationship with her but he is getting annoyed at her now! :(
I wish I had a typical in-law problem. Maybe those are easier to deal with.
Can't he just take an antihistamine before he goes?
He takes Claritin but it doesn't help. It just makes him very drowsy since antihistamines are notorious for that. As I said, the only thing that works is a steroid nasal spray but you can't take steroids every week.
OK I am joking. Its obvious that Cherry knows where her loyalties should be .. and she is right on that.
Thank you! Yes if it were up to me, I would go drop that furry creature off to a shelter in a heartbeat! (Again I can't believe I am saying this because I used to be so attached to this cat!). But my husband is a God send and I am not letting a dumb cat come between us. The problem is my family not realizing this! :(
If you are so loyal to your husband and feel for him and he likes your family and wants to spend time with them so either you or he should "KILL THE CAT" make sure it looks like an accident.
How to kill the cat ? it is easy just visit howtokillacat.com.
If you are so loyal to your husband and feel for him and he likes your family and wants to spend time with them so either you or he should "KILL THE CAT" make sure it looks like an accident.
How to kill the cat ? it is easy just visit howtokillacat.com.
We have a cat but my mum and little bro are asthmatic so it's not allowed in our house at all. It just lives outside :) Maybe you could do something like that? Restrict the cat to a certain area / garden, so it still gets fed etc. Then spend an afternoon cleaning the house from all stray hairs before your husband visits. And explain to your family that the cat probably won't mind much.
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