Today that girl can at least walk amongst her family and friends knowing that her secret is safe, tomorrow she won’t be able to look anyone in the eye, fearful in the knowledge that this person knows about her past…
The person who did this, has obviosuly repented as is the case with how he’s become…Should his children find out about his misdeeds, there would be another family broken up…The guy’s daughters will hate him and probably in their shock would do something awful…
Who knows, maybe it was the shame of this behaviour by this man that made him become more religious and repent to Allah :swt:…
Only Allah knows what is in the hearts…By bringing this out in the open would have more, far reaching destructive results, and it would never undo what was done…The memories, however they will remain…
It is better to forgive, but if not, then leave the judging to Allah :swt:…Perhaps by taking revenge yourself you deny the man a terrible punishment that he was to receive…Only because the person took it upon themselves instead of leaving it to Allah :swt:…
I mean we can all repent and leave teh rest to Allah...heck let's all sin and repent...who cares who we hurt rite?
Freaking hell...do you even UNDERSTAND what it's like to be touched...you live your life in FEAR of a handshake...you feel like peeling your damn skin off...
And your saying let the guy repent and it's all okie? Heck everyone should know what he did...who knows how many other lil gals he's gonna abuse...these freakign idiots touch lil gals on the trains and in the supermarkets...God forbid one day he walks by your daughter.
The person who did this, has obviosuly repented as is the case with how he's become...Should his children find out about his misdeeds, there would be another family broken up...The guy's daughters will hate him and probably in their shock would do something awful...
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He has repented? Has he apologised? has he got teh balls to tell her family what he did to her??
Victims of such crimes often need support and love..and their beahavior at times becomes erractic...who will understand her problem if she doesn't tell them?
Tell her not to expect any understanding from the ones she tells...but atleast they will KNOW!
** Today that girl can at least walk amongst her family and friends knowing that her secret is safe, tomorrow she won’t be able to look anyone in the eye, fearful in the knowledge that this person knows about her past… **
You make it sound as though she has done something to be ashamed of … She had no control over what happened to her, so why on Earth would she be fearful/unable to look people in the eye? Let us not forget that she is the innocent one in all this. So people might look at her in pity for a few weeks, but it’ll soon be forgotten about.
** The person who did this, has obviously repented as is the case with how he’s become…Should his children find out about his misdeeds, there would be another family broken up…The guy’s daughters will hate him and probably in their shock would do something awful… **
What makes you think he’s repented? As I said earlier, growing a beard and reading all ur namazan does not necessarily mean you’re a good person. I understand what you’re saying about the hurt his family might go through, but going by what I know of child abuse, it’s quite possible that HB’s friend was not his only (or last) victim. I know I wouldn’t feel safe leaving my kids with him, and I think parents have a right to know of his past.
** Who knows, maybe it was the shame of this behaviour by this man that made him become more religious and repent to Allah :swt:… **
Exactly, who knows? Who knows whether he has truly repented, or whether it’s all just a cover-up. If tomorrow, this guy raped a 12 year old girl, would you just put it down to bad judgement on your part and continue to feel guilt free about not having told people about his past? Then again, you probably would.
^^ Abusers have very high rates of repeating their abuse, and even higher rates of "fake" apologies. Anyone who believes an abusers apology and takes it at face value either is being abused or doesn't have a clue about what abuse entails.
You are correct, the trauma of her past will severly impact her life and her future. Do your friend a favor and encourage her to seek professional help in this matter; a professional has experience, training and also contacts with other victims who suffered and overcame the adversities of their lives.
Lajo, that's an interesting perspective that you've come up with. However, I believe that by telling another, someone qualified, she might be able to gain a good grip on the past, instead of letting THAT terrify her. She might also gain some confidence in how the situation actually was, regarding who was the wronged here and who was the abuser. If she hasn't spoken up before because she thinks she's wrong, then that's a great way to crush confidence and create a skewed self-image. I don't think that fear and perpetual self-blame is a good part of a healthy self-image. If this has happened to you in the past and you decided to keep it under the rug, then I commend your spirit and ability to get over it. But by confiding in her friend, I think, she shows that she wants to get it off her chest and move on.
No matter how religious he has become it won't make the girl feel any better until she talks to someone close about it. She NEEDS to feel safe! She should tell her family about this and her parents should tell this man to AT LEAST stop coming to their house and stay away from the girl "in any way possible". This is what I did when I was harassed and I think I did the best thing because it made me feel so much better but most of all, it made me feel safe because I knew that my family did not hold me responsible for his action and they assured me that he will never talk to me or come close to me. I think it's very important to us women who were once abused because these types of incidence create fear and guilt in us that make us feel uncomfortable about ourselves.
If she can, she should talk to her uncle about what happened, and no one else...The uncle most probably, if he has truly repented, should ask for forgiveness...In this case **he should be forgiven, we are all humans, and everyone makes mistakes **for which they regret later...
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I haven't read the post.. but judging from replies seems like the gal was molested by her uncle. And mr. laj wants the girl to forgive the dog. This is so typical of you lajawab.
If the case would have been of a married woman even talking to some other man... lajo would have suggested like a 100 lashes for her. But here a MAN is at fault. so the skeleton needs to be sealed tight in the friggin closet.
Such child molesting freaks should be brought to the town square, tied to a lamp post and stoned to death... if not that atleast everyone should be warned about this freak.. to avoid any such incidents in future.
She’s well aware that his daughters were not hurt in this manner, apparently he watches them like a watchdog and is very strict about their whereabouts, the only touching he’s ever done to them is a simple pat on the head.
She knows its going to hurt her mother emotionally thats why shes kept this to herself this whole time. It would help the situation had she told because her mother would understand her mood swings more, but then her mother had always said that keep yourself “clean” and thats my only du’aa and now my friend feels she’s let her down.
Awww Your right it comes back to haunt her at the strangest moments happy or sad, family gatherings, school, shopping, watching videos, listening to music, reading newspapers, practically anywhere. She feels used and abused she thinks by him doing this to her he insulted her, and made her worth less know what I’m saying. As of right now I don’t understand her but she strives for perfection as if trying to make up for her past, I guess.
This whole topic is so distressing. I have been in an almost similar situation with some one who was a distant relation of mine. The only thing with me was that i managed to get away before things got so bad that i would need a shrink. Just thinking about it makes me cringe and curl up in a ball because no matter how strong i thought i was, i would never have been able to get away if one of my aunties hadn't notice what was happening and saved me. I swear just thinking about what could have happened scares me so much. Every one says if this happens then we should talk about it to someone, but in my situation before my aunty saved me i used to think that if i told anyone they would not believe me and think it was my fault for being so naive etc etc. Plus the bloke used to really scare me into believing that if i was to tell anyone then he would kill himself and leave a note telling everyone that it was all my fault and he said that he had done kala jaadoo on me, so if i was to say anything then something really terrible would happen to me and my family. Man he said so much **** to me that even today just writing this is making me shake all over.
Your right she doesn’t want to forgive him, forgiving him won’t make up for her loss, she feels he already took too much away from her, she won’t forgive.
She is Islamic, she prays, reads Quran, yet this still happened to her, I don’t think going public is what she wants, she feels she’ll be ruining her reputation.
Your right she fears men so much, she doesn’t shake hands with males though she pulls her hand back when introduced to males at university, saying, “I don’t shake hands with males.”
Why does Lajawab think everything OK just because hes pulled on a mask! She deserves her justice, who cares about his guilt he was old enough to know from right and wrong she on the other hand was young and innocent!!! If anybody should be apologizing its the uncle.
lajjo..thats the most fked up advice i have ever heard in my life. do u even know how psychologically destructive the whole situation is for a girl? what wud u do , if u came to know that ur own daugther has gone through some thing like this? wud u just ask her to forgive the uncle? i pretty much doubt it.
as for ur friend she needs support, a good psycologist and friends around her all the time. get her help ASAP.
its sad but most of the sexual harassments/abuse usually takes place at home by some relative or ppl close to u not from the strangers.
i know how difficult the situation must be for her and knowing how our stupid society is .. i just wish she cud just tell the whole world about that messed up uncle n ruin him somehow... he shud pay for what he has done!!
Lajawab, when I read your reply first, I was absolutely speechless. I could not believe that such views like yours do really exist among rational, educated humans.
Going by your logic, every criminal should be forgiven and not punished, if he grows a beard, starts praying 5 times a day and appears to be a “good Muslim”. And molesting a child is the biggest crime one can commit IMHO, even bigger than murder.
Your right it comes back to haunt her at the strangest moments happy or sad, family gatherings, school, shopping, watching videos, listening to music, reading newspapers, practically anywhere. She feels used and abused she thinks by him doing this to her he insulted her, and made her worth less know what I’m saying. As of right now I don’t understand her but she strives for perfection as if trying to make up for her past, I guess.