Has anyone read “My Feudal Lord” by Tehmina Durrani?
I’ve read it and it’s a real eye-opener about the Pakistani politicians.
Who says nothing is impossible? I’ve been doing nothing all my life!
Humsa,
Yes I read it when I was 16-17, and until then I had limited information about the so called "Upperclass" in pakistan. What I did have was a view that the men were so liberal with the women and had good relationships with them....
But boy did this book tell me a diffrent story, I really was amazed, i thought we lived a sheltered life and were hard done by, but these women had it worse, much worse. Yeah, they had money, but they were treated worse than piece of meat..
After reading this book made me alot more interested in what happens in pakistan, especially regarding women, and maybe this is biased, but it made me view pakistani men with serious contempt.
a very informative book about the pakistani feudal system.......but a bit exaggerated by the author.
o©º°¨¨°º©o LiFe Is An IllUsIoN aNd ReAliTy iS a FiGmEnT oF tHe iMaGiNaIiOn o©º°¨¨°º©o
[This message has been edited by kaka malang (edited November 17, 2000).]
HumSa its an excellent autobiography
Honest and to the point
Ugh how it made me hate that man …
kher i am gonna read it again tonite
Aanchal that man truly is as bad as his ex-wife described him.
kaka malang, yeah, it’s a bit exagarrated… on the behalf of T.D
http://www3.pak.org/gupshup/smilies/smile.gif
I really hated her kid sister. Amazing such people actually exist.
Mariah, the so-called “elite” class has nothing elite about them except their wealth. Morally, most of them aren’t as good as they seem to be.
Who says nothing is impossible? I’ve been doing nothing all my life!
I’ve read this book, three times I think. First when I read it I hated Khar, not because he as a husband was mentally disturbed, but because he is a traitor according to this book. Tehmina came across as a helpless victim.
If that book show women’s status in Pak, it also shows women’s repeated idiocy in Pakistan. If we forget Khar’s political status at that time – Tehmina married an already married man, leaving her own children and a husband she was in love with, that’s why he married him right (That fauji guy).
Anyway that’s her business, lekin if we criticize the others I think it’s only fair that we examine Tahmina. Too many ppl, unfortunately, in this world love the victim status in life, it keeps them in focus. Tehmina sounded as a typical child from broken home background. My mom doesn’t love me as much as my sister; this is sibling jealousy nothing surprising about it. Her sister as she admitted was prettier and closer to her mother, so she could be dragging her into mud cuz of jealousy also. Her relations with Khar were not exactly healthy either, as I see it she had it best when he was depended on her, especially when his only hope was Tehmins, as he was in jail. I hope she doesn’t represent average Pakistani women in you guy thoughts.
Ad the feudal system, no body dragged her into it, actually nobody from her family encouraged her – feudal system is bad, if you wanna say this, however she chose it on her own free will. I’m not sure that this story is all about this system either. If you read it carefully, that is without feeling sorry for ppl involved, you’d see that not much is written about that system, most of it is examples of Khar’s eating habits, that he liked this or that kinda meat, huh so what? He didn’t cry over a dead kitty so what? A lot of irrelevant details about their private life, for me it seems as masalah in otherwise dry story. I don’t remember reading that Khar used his feudal power to harm her, that is other then beating her, or in other ways torturing her, any other person could do that as well, nothing very feudal about it hai na. For instance, he didn’t or couldn’t stop her from writing this book, or forcibly taking her kids back etc.
I see it as a ‘revenge’ book – not a book that advocates women’s rights or explains how women in Pak are treated etc. It shows a lot of garbage hidden behind high walls, lekin in no way unique book.
Sabah a couple of points
Themina wasnt in love with her husband
she refused to get married to him but her parents forced her thinking she was just being stubborn
true that the episode in murree was a bit thrill however it was so cause it was forbidden
later she realized she wasnt in love with him and told her parents so
I dont think its revenge
she has honeslty written down her faults too
she hasnt covered the fact that she was married when having an affair with Khar or how she deceived her husband waghera waghera
Secondly she wasnt khar's first wife and his relation to any of his wives was not healthy,
he married his frist wife cause he was forced to marry, the second one just happened and the third was much more of a heera mandi affair ...
none of his wives were actually given the correct status of a wife
all treated as pieces of meat to run after, feast on and then discard off
as long as this mentality remains nothing can change
I think her story apart from how she married khar ...her married life is the life of an average pakistani woman who is married to a guy whose mentality represents khar
the reason we dont know bout them is cause they dont have the courage to speak out
Tehmina however had the courage to fight back, i admire that
did you read the part where he rapes her when she is visiting him in jail ...while the family and friends are just outside the cell and can listen to what is happening inside
Sick!!!
and what justifies the beatings
beating up a pregnant woman is by no means a humane act
Maybe in your eyes its a revenge book cause again you are among those who hide their heads in sand and wait for the trouble to go away
Some just cant do that ...they take steps to tell the world that injustice has taken place and to educate others so that they dont fall in the same trap
Its simply a woman’s story who betrayed her family and ended up getting a raw deal ! she is no angle or women right advocate … Feudal behavior in the book is no surprise … I don’t know who is surprised by them ? may be people who live in their own net shells .. Feudals are ill to the society .. the environment in which they grow up make them who they are … but I don’t know how people Like Anchal generalize Men based on Khar’s behavior .. Pakistani men this and Pakistani men that … grow up … stop generalizing based on your perception derived from a guy like Khar… what if I started generalized about you based on Thamina ? … Tahmina is a good writer ..I admire her for writing books .. good ones .. Mirror to the Blind and Blasphemy deserves recognition … My Feudal Lord was good work but nothing more than a Mirch-Masla revenge tell it all story of two equally deserving each other man and woman … find a better person/women who represents women’s right in our society .. and stop generalizing it will only lead you to ignorance
Hey one more thing
These things are hard to explain
For some it seems strange... to swallow
The frontier of our minds
Is the last place we find
But maybe the first place we should go
Sweetie
I didnt generalize all Pakistani men
I said ‘Men like Khar’
I am married to a Pakistani Guy and he is noway close to Khar
Agreed such men exist in our society
agreed that unki burai par pardah dal denay say they just dont go away
as long as women keep on being quiet and enduring the mental anguish the physical abuse and the pain and suffering Men like Khar will go on taking advantage of such women and treating them as pieces of meat rather then Individuals
Ps. Its ok to bash another person’s views, however it would help if you read carefull what they write before you go on with your accusations
I think the title of the book 'My feudal Lord' is not really referring to the Feudal system and Men belonging to the system
If Tehmina would have married a doctor i think the title of the book would have been 'My Doctor Sahib' or an enginner 'My Handy Man' waghera waghera
the book is more bout how she suffered in the hands of a man who treated women as items to use and abuse and discard
How sad that some poor soul is regarding the beatings of a pregnant woman 'Mirch Masala'
May Allah guide such poor, arrogant souls.
Anchal pretty good reply, lekin first,
Maybe in your eyes its a revenge book cause again you are among those who hide their heads in sand and wait for the trouble to go away <<
I don’t care if ppl don’t understand me, lekin sis do it with style
http://www3.pak.org/gupshup/smilies/smile.gif
I guess you got this from a thread of mine in the general section, this was uncalled for and pathetic. Anyway, let’s talk about Tehmina.
She wrote this book years after all that happened, so at the time she married Khan – her protest could simply be read as marriage jitters, which is normal btw. And mostly ppl not cancel weddings over that, that usually only happens in movies. Second, her parents never wanted her to marry Khan, she took a stand.
she has honeslty written down her faults too <<
Which faults? She’s not my personal enemy nor is khar my mamooN ka baita, so this is not personal. She admits the faults, that makes her look innocent and to an extend dumb too. If you have this book right now, go through it and note which faults she admits to.
She hasn’t covered the fact that she was married when having an affair with Khar or how she deceived her husband<<
Kindly note her reasons. Now you don’t need any reasons for falling in love that too by just looking at him in a party, lekin honestly is that serious or mature behavior? Not just in Pak, compare it with the West if you like.
Secondly she wasnt khar’s first wife and his relation to any of his wives was not healthy, he married his frist wife cause he was forced to marry, the second one just happened and the third was much more of a heera mandi affair …
none of his wives were actually given the correct status of a wife all treated as pieces of meat to run after, feast on and then discard off as long as this mentality remains nothing can change<<
Agree so what do you expect when you choose such a sick person to marry, we do agree that her marriage with Khar was love thing right?
I think her story apart from how she married khar …her married life is the life of an average pakistani woman who is married to a guy whose mentality represents khar the reason we dont know bout them is cause they dont have the courage to speak out Tehmina however had the courage to fight back, i admire that <<
I agree with the khar mentality part, however her story differs from other average Pakistani women in that she choose to be in this relationship, while others are forced into this, and there isn’t any way back. Having said that, I’m not saying that ppl should be punished for having the ability to think. I don’t like the way she victimizes her self, which she does very much in this book. And I don’t like her blaming everyone else but her self for her situation. I understand and I sympathize with the women in such situations, still we are and should be responsible for our own decisions. She had no one to blame other then her self and Khar, yet she blamed almost every one around her. Fighting courage in women is admirable, and should be normal thing, nothing extraordinary, but we should also be able to be fair.
did you read the part where he rapes her when she is visiting him in jail …while the family and friends are just outside the cell and can listen to what is happening inside Sick!!!<<
What did she do, when she got out?
and what justifies the beatings beating up a pregnant woman is by no means a humane act<<
Beating other human being can’t be justified regardless of their gender and physical condition. Remember that chapter, where he runs after her to beat her, and she locks her self up, after some minutes, they both start laughing, and she wrote something like, she had ‘won’ and he was laughing cuz he could see how ridicules he was being. I have serious problems understanding her victory her. Probably because I can’t imagine, my husband even raising his voice, while talking to me – was this a challenge for her, some sorta game? She leaves him several times, and she comes back to him, well knowing that he’s still the same person, the same guy who is having an affair with her own sister. What was she trying to prove and to whom? That she’d not loose her husband to her sister, or to win her mother back, what?
I’ll be happy to discuss it further, lekin don’t throw any personal comment at me, I don’t need to be analyzed nor do I care. We can keep it on mature level, I’m sure.
I wasnt getting personal
I have read the book bout ten, eleven times
i have it right now among my collection of other books
I am not saying Tehmina is innocent
however nothing justifies the actions of a man such as Khar
the episode with khan was just a fling, a journey into the forbidden
and that was exciting for her and she mistook her feelings for love
later when she realized this she told her parents she didnt want to marry khan, however no one listened
If they had listened to her and acknowledged the fact that she did not wanto marry khan, life for Tahmina would have been a different one
Most women who are forced into arranged marriages ( i am in no way accusing arranged marriage here, i think its a wonderful act) have a difficult time accepting their husbands and loving them
they usually end up doing stupid things, like having affairs and rebel
the book has many aspects to be discussed this being one of them
Ps. sorry if you felt that i was personally attacking you
Anchal,
Is the book available in book stores or liabrary. Where can one get it from.
Rani it should be available in bookstores
try a popular one which carries many titles and look under autobiography
I have no idea bout libraries or online stores
Most women who are forced into arranged marriages ( i am in no way accusing arranged marriage here, i think its a wonderful act) have a difficult time accepting their husbands and loving them they usually end up doing stupid things, like having affairs and rebel <<
Exactly Anchal, in these situations the affair part has been widely discussed, not the rebel part, which becoming very common these days, I tried to discuss this attitude, lekin I guess it’s still very new. And no need to apologies, I understand it’s difficult for mothers especially to discuss beating of a pregnant woman.
I just happen to believe that her problems were deeper then just being married to the wrong person.
Honey !
Sweetie
Sis I did not advocate any beatings or anything like that .. may be you should have read my post carefully before judging my ‘poor soul’ your verdict does not make my soul rich or poor … hold back sis save some for your hubby
Do not patronize me ! how do you know she is being ‘honest’ .. its one side of the story .. and again before you ride your horses and start shooting .. I DID NOT OR EVER WILL DEFEND ANY ACTIONS OR CHARCTERS LIKE KHAR … to me he represents evil … but Thamina is a victim of her own actions … I knew one of Kahr’s son and believe me it’s a lot uglier than what is told in the book but part of that ugliness are the Tahminas of the Society as well… she is no Evil compared to Khar clan but she wrote the story to get back to Kahr rather than advocating any oppressed women .. .. ‘her married life is the life of an average Pakistani woman who is married to a guy whose mentality represents khar’
is not that a generalization? How do you define average oppressed women and a ZALIM man ? every situation is unique .. and by no means should be compared to the other .. and not every ZALIM man or oppressed women are measured by the Khar-Thamina oppressed test kit … usually men and women are equal parts of domestic dispute hell fire.. it does not justify actions of a Man beating pregnant women.. hell no !
The point I made by ‘Mirch Masala’ was that … do not make to much or less of a book .. the reality exits in a shade of gray .. The book is about a greedy women who was charmed by an Evil Feudal lord! And it does not represent plight of the domestic family abuses in Pakistan
Take it easy .. and May Allah guide your soul like he does mine
Hey one more thing
These things are hard to explain
For some it seems strange... to swallow
The frontier of our minds
Is the last place we find
But maybe the first place we should go
Sabah
http://www3.pak.org/gupshup/smilies/smile.gif
Rooster so she did it in revenge
can you blame her
i think its a good way of getting back at him
to tell the world what kinda man Khar is
Happy now go suck on a lollypop!
Rani: Online chk it out on www.desistore.com under autobiography.
I do feel that Kahr’s behaviour has been justified because of t/ mistakes made by T.D earlier. However, if you have lived in a Paksitani culture you’ll understand her situation better as to why she did not say or do anything after her husband raped her in t/ Hopsital while t/ family waited outside, (t/ word Humiliation comes to mind!), nor will anyone truly understand why a Mother of 5 ( 4 from Khar) keeps coming back to Khar (Remember how he kidnapped her kids (she evn had t/ Interpol aftr him) & refused to give thm back because he wanted HER back w/ him??
Also, T/ fact that she was divorced once before. T/ stigma (albeit it was her choice
back thn) now aftr becoming a Mothr of 4, was not getting any easier, specially in our society.
T/ scene where he forces her to tke off her clothes & call up her parents was anothr very disturbing scene. Evn if one tenth of this book is tru, it’s not a justification for a man betaing up on any of his wives
(Remember Shezy, his 5th wife? What was her fault?)
I do want to add, that a woman’s situation where an avge.woman has a high school diploma if she’s lucky, isn’t all that great. Evn out in the West, where women are so liberated & can & do walk away any time, a married woman still has a tough time , specially w/ kids. So immagine if you can, what’s it like in Pakistan, where she is expected to leave her hubby’s house only in a “Janaazaa” & nothing else.
I unforunately knew a couple of women who used to get beaten up on a regular basis( One had an MA., t/ othr a High School graduate) & thy felt thy had no place to go, cause both t/ women’s siblings were married & had lives of thr own. It’s simply a diffrnt ball game out thr. it’s SO EASY FOR US TO SAY WHY SHE DIDNT DO THIS , OR THAT? but aftr a kid thr are othr factrs involved.
Also, SO WHAT IF IT’S HER REVENGE?? At least she didnt beat up any1, but used her pen to bare t/ attrocities (including her own follies)of t/ Feudal/Political systm. In t/ end she did mange to break away aftr 5 kids, not an easy descion to mke in any culture, eithr in t/ West or in Pakistan w/ no source of income!!
I personally liked her response in t/ end whn Kahr calls up to enquire upon her upcoming book
http://www3.pak.org/gupshup/smilies/smile.gif
ps:I’m married to a Pakistani guy who’s my dream come tru, so plsss don’t accuse me of generalization of Pakistani men.
[quote]
Originally posted by Anchal:
**Sabah :)
Rooster so she did it in revenge
can you blame her
i think its a good way of getting back at him
to tell the world what kinda man Khar is
Happy now go suck on a lollypop!**
[/quote]
Exactly ! .. I never disputed that .. and good she did! .. hey that’s my take on it .. you can have yours
You suck on lollys when your happy?
Hey one more thing
These things are hard to explain
For some it seems strange... to swallow
The frontier of our minds
Is the last place we find
But maybe the first place we should go
I have read the book bout ten, eleven times
is this ur lil Bible or wot??
ur "yes" will explain a lot:-P
there r books i have read twice or thrice but reading "Fuedal Lords" 11 times....errrrrrrr i am not gonna say it......
PS. i wonder if u guys have heard the rumor, that this book has been written by some ISI agent....???any truth behind this rumor???