Re: My experience with a divorced lady.
I knew her for 6 months before marrying her, use to take her places . However I made a personal rule to myself that I would never just "use" a Muslim girl and leave her like that. So I then decided that it would be the right thing to do to just marry her. I wanted to give her the honor and respect Islam gives to a woman. As she became very attached to me, and would cry when I was not around.
She was alone in the West, she had no one here. She was living of government support. Just wanted to give her a new life.
So I get blamed for trying to help out a poor divorced girl? Yeah you are right, I was naive and stupid, just wanted to help some Muslim girl living alone in the West. Won't do it again.
No she doesn't, she told me she was glad to be with a guy who knew "what he was doing". Plus she said she would have thought it odd/ or taken me as a liar if I told her I'd never been with any other girl. She just assumed it. I mean lets see, even though we try to be religious if you are a young guy, nice looking, nice car, slick hair, go off to college, you are going to get girls. Fine ones too. Its almost impossible not too. 90% of the time that is how it is. I know its haram but there is just to much temptation, that's why our religion tells us to marry when we can afford it.
Yeah she gets a little jealous at times, esp if their really pretty and sees them on facebook. However its like a innocent childish kind of jealously, not an extreme mental torture that I use to feel knowing some man had penetrated the potential future mother of my kids. I mean that just makes you feel violated.
Only guys will understand what I mean, women can never get this.
I mean I had girlfriends before, and I never cared for a single second about their past, but man wife, wife is totally different thing. She is going to be your kids mother, your grand kids grandmother, she should be pure. Women are a thing of purity, like hidden gems (as the Quran describes women of paradise).
Even in Western culture, a girl who sleeps with diff guys is ridiculed by her peers and looked down upon, while the boy who could get the most girls is idolized by everyone, and boasts about it. That's how it works, I never said it was fair.
Well of course, before you marry someone you should always get tested. and yeah Alhamdulliah everything was good, as I was never stupid enough to not be safe.
WOW...why am I thinking you actually did your ex wife a favor?
Some people here are being ridiculous for blaming you for making a naive mistake.
But dear God, there can't be anything more ridiculous than what you just said there! You were sexually active and that is fine by you, but the women can't be. If you expect that of women (even if it's just your wife), then you should clearly state that you shouldn't have taken that path either. It can't be ok for you and not be ok for women.
Western culture is not any less screwed up than the desi culture when it comes to gender equality. We know it isn't fair. We also know that it isn't right.
Secondly, who is to say that a woman isn't a pure, good woman anymore, just because she (or a man for that reason) is sexually experienced? I don't understand how clearly you said all of that without taking into account that you did the same.
This is not to insult. But who knows if your wife is too naive, or wayyy too much in love to not see the problem here. You wouldn't have gone for her if she weren't a virgin. See what I am saying there?
He married a 19 year old because she would be TOO naive to really see what the problem is. Whatever he showed her is what she would get...she is too young to have any experiences of her own. How would she know she was getting a bad deal? You dont know what you're missing unless you've had it.
