I dunno she was Kashmiri and some people told me Kashmirs are "badzad" and their women are dominant? I dunno about that, but I am just telling you what I heard, we are Pashtun btw.
im speechless..so much for ur 'western upbringing' are u for real?!
Fathers mothers, uncles, whoever I was just saying. Obviously they will invite the guy to their house or take him somewhere to eat or whatever. I am not saying the family will offer them their daughter right away. But usually they are hopeful he will like her and agree to marriage.
All I know is couple of "friends" fat nerdy balding engineering majors, went to Karachi when they wanted a wife. Their mothers took them there.
Damn damn the nakhrey of these dudes and their moms, haha, "no not this one she is too fat, no not that one her nose etcc etc.." all came back with wives that were clearly out of their league in terms of looks. Thin pretty little girls.
On top of that the girls fathers also gave them money! and bought them watches and stuff, to the guys that is!! I was like damn.
Its like "here is some money and things for marrying my daughter" .
All I have to say is, so much for your religion. You are doing 50% or even more things which are not even allowed. Sleeping around with girls? NOT ALLOWED. I hate how you are generalising, Pakistanis girls are this and that, Pakistanis girls like gold and are greedy, Kashimiri girls are Badzad, I am not even Kashmiri and I am offended, and few of the other rude comments you managed to post.
What I got from this thread is, you need to go to some counsellor. Get therapy. Spend more time with your WIFE than writing personal life dramas in GS. Later.
[QUOTE]
Fathers mothers, uncles, whoever I was just saying. Obviously they will invite the guy to their house or take him somewhere to eat or whatever. I am not saying the family will offer them their daughter right away. But usually they are hopeful he will like her and agree to marriage.
All I know is couple of "friends" fat nerdy balding engineering majors, went to Karachi when they wanted a wife. Their mothers took them there.
Damn damn the nakhrey of these dudes and their moms, haha, "no not this one she is too fat, no not that one her nose etcc etc.." all came back with wives that were clearly out of their league in terms of looks. Thin pretty little girls.
On top of that the girls fathers also gave them money! and bought them watches and stuff, to the guys that is!! I was like damn.
Its like "here is some money and things for marrying my daughter" .
[/QUOTE]
Edal ,I am a relatively young guy but something that I have learnt in life is that you should not blame other people for the mistakes you make in life. You married someone who you subconsciously knew was only interested in the security you would provide her in terms of finances and the fact that she was divorced would make it hard for her to find another rishta. She did probably use you and wanted as much financial and emotional security as she could grab. However, you should only blame yourself for not being strong enough and thinking out of your pants instead of your head.
As far as the element of greed in Pakistan is concenred, if you go to Pakistan looking for rishtas relying on your American passport and wealth, then you will probably find quite a few gold diggers. A decent family in Pakistan will not give two ****s about your american passport. People like you want to believe that you can get a shareef wife from Pakistan because you know that no decent muslim girl in the US would want to marry someone who is morally bankrupt.
I seriously doubt he was raised in the West/QUOTE]
Dude, Mr Malik I thought we were pals? Na im kidding, but why do you doubt I was raised in the West, and why would I lie about that?
Ok I swear by Allah SWT that I was raised in the West , and that my only real memory of Pakistan is when I went there for the first time in 2009, went there on a visit as a 4yr old too, swear by Allah SWT.
That is my only experience with Pakistan. I don't mean to keep bringing God's blessed name in such trivial matters, but it's important for people to understand my story is true.
I didn't say that stuff about Kashmiris myself, I was only stating the mere truth that** whenever I mention that she was Kashmiri people always respond with "oh of course, they are badzad etc..."** That is not me saying that, that is others. I personally don't think there would be much of a difference in people from different provinces in a small country like Pakistan. But whatever, everyone has their own notions and ideas.
Edal ,I am a relatively young guy but something that I have learnt in life is that you should not blame other people for the mistakes you make in life. You married someone who you subconsciously knew was only interested in the security you would provide her in terms of finances and the fact that she was divorced would make it hard for her to find another rishta. She did probably use you and wanted as much financial and emotional security as she could grab. However, you should only blame yourself for not being strong enough and thinking out of your pants instead of your head.
Yeah you are right. I will admit, from the moment I met her I did want to bang her brains out. I got to do that, but it wasn't worth it. I've learned a lot. Also, this whole experience brought me closer to my religion.
[QUOTE]
As far as the element of greed in Pakistan is concenred, if you go to Pakistan looking for rishtas relying on your American passport and wealth, then you will probably find quite a few gold diggers. A decent family in Pakistan will not give two ****s about your american passport. People like you want to believe that you can get a shareef wife from Pakistan because you know that no decent muslim girl in the US would want to marry someone who is morally bankrupt.
[/QUOTE]
Hey hey, relax buddy. Don't get so worked up. I've never gone to Pakistan looking for any so called rishta, I would rather puke my guts out. I have no interest in ever visiting Pakistan.**I am just telling you about what well to do Pakistani family's from America do, that's it. Cause I have attended a few weddings from time to time, and also that is how my ex was brought here. **Her husband went over there, waved his Green card and Engineering degree around, and had a row of girls lined up. The dude was butt ugly and had no manners btw.
However my ex told me she was forced to marry him, even though she thought he was hideous everyone was like you can't turn him down etc.. that is the reason I felt so sorry for her. I couldn't imagine someone being cornered into that kind of situation. Then being dumped at a women's shelter.
Again, I don't have anything to do with this, I am just telling you what i've seen and heard.
i did not get a chance to comment this before the thread closed ..
i know what he said does not sound proper and polite but a lot of what he said is true .. whether we like it or not this is the way our desi society sees woman .. so i dont really understadn why some girlz are angry at him for what he said .. it is the way all the muslim and paki guyz think but he just had enough guts to say it on a public forum ..
I mean its not like I go around saying this at every cocktail party! "Hi my name is so and so, I would like to screw you, but I won't be marrying you cause I think you are a slut"
These are things probably a lot of people think, but its politically incorrect so we keep it to ourselves, or close friends.
You know, like the stuff politicians say when no one is recording them and the microphone is off.
You know what the main things girls should take from my thread! Guard your chastity keep it for your **husbands only! Because even if its not fair, society will judge you harshly for that, while the guy will get away with it.
If you do get a husband, treat him with care and respect. Remember, Pakistani guys or Muslim guys, even if their born in California, you can't change their genes and way of thinking. Their not white guys, they will not tolerate the things white guys do.
**If you want a liberal feminist husband, who will keep his balls neatly tucked in your purse, bringing them out only when you wish. Then by all means marry a white dude, but if you are gonna go for a person of Eastern origin, then remember what I said.
i did not get a chance to comment this before the thread closed ..
i know what he said does not sound proper and polite but a lot of what he said is true .. whether we like it or not this is the way our desi society sees woman .. so i dont really understadn why some girlz are angry at him for what he said .. it is the way all the muslim and paki guyz think but he just had enough guts to say it on a public forum ..
The posters (yes, even the Guppans) did not disagree with every single point that Edal made. It was the double standards that people had objections about. He believes that a wife SHOULD be a virgin......even though he himself was not a virgin at the time of marriage. Then he (rather defensively) put fort the argument that even in the West......people look down on women if they are promiscuous. The point is.........it doesn't matter what double standards desi or western society has. Allah has prohibited zina for BOTH men and women. That can't be debated or argued. And the view that a virgin woman will most definitely make a good wife......that's a weak argument as well. The OP did not take into account exceptions.
And, Soni, I don't agree with the attitude that we should surrender because "all the pakistani guys feel this way". That's a weak argument as well. There's a difference between a cultural view and a view that is supported by Islam. And they are not always mutually exclusive. A popular cultural view among desi guys might be that there wife must be very pure and untouched even if they themselves are not virgin.......BUT......Islam does not support this view. So, do we just put up with the popular cultural attitude.......or ..........do we try our best as Muslims to follow the rules and principles in Islam? We can either blindly follow the ignorant ways of our desi society and uphold the same jaahil and unIslamic views as our elders (relatives, in-laws, etc).......or we can try to make a positive change at the individual level.
Oh and.......nope......that's a generalization on your part, Soni. Not all Paki guys feel the same way. There were some guppies who disagreed with Edal's views and found them to be preposterous.
but Islam does not say two wrongs make a right .. i know that some paksitani gus have succumbed to the temptation in the west to lose their virignity before their marriage .. but that does not make it right for the girls to think 'o ok lets do the same' .. its NOT the SAME thing .. its NOT
as much as it doesnt sound nice what he said .. this is the way girlz are seen in paksitan and other islamic societies .. this is why theyr are so protected there .. this is why there men act like the predators for whom women are the prey .. if u try to change this system u will find urself in deep turmoil ..
muslim woman are pure .. n they should stay pure no matter what ..
