…has a real trouble with his time management and basically sorting out his priorities. I’m going nuts trying all sort of things which I can think of/hear about. He is now 13 yo mashaAllah and going to take his O-levels in next year, so we don’t have much time on our hands to keep going for trial n error, you know.
I’ve timers in virtually all corners of my house, I’m always on my toes to check for any distractions that might come in his way, I’ve made him sit and have a detailed talk countless times, about importance of time management, and asked if he has any trouble/problem, he himself could identify. Besides both of us keep giving incentives, keep rewarding for any achievements etc. still I often feel he is not motivated enough.
I’m a strict parent (bad cop) but hubby plays the good cop role…both of us try in our own ways but the problem is persisting till now. What to do??
I think, quite a few of you could help me help him. Please do!
Have you tried teaching him about time management through sports and other such activities ? I know time management in life in general and time management in sports are two very different things but just to make him realise the importance of time through something that interests him.
^
That’s what I keep thinking about. I’m not sure though. I seriously wanted to book an appointment with a highly recommended psychiatrist here in isloo but he was out of country for an year…don’t know any other one. My sister worked with a few during her residency but according to her most of them are not good. Now I’m not sure…
Diamond, i don’t really understand what do you mean by teaching time management through sports. Wouldn’t the concept of time management same as for other activities??
Btw, he is not really that much into sports, sadly. He does play table tennis and football but not really keen on that. His hobbies are reading, reading and reading. He is the type who would not play games on computer rather would go on howstuffworks n wikipedia type…in his limited online time. He doesn’t care if his breakfast is there or not but he needs the newspaper to start his day…
Afia, sometimes you have to let kids explore. He's a man now almost, can't be babysitting him like that. Don't worry he'll solve it on his own, smart bacha you got there.
i suggested sports because in sports one needs to both manage time and skills in order to win khair leave it ! i think he’s different because he is more intelligent than others and likes to learn …more like a genius .
Give us some examples of how he has time management issues and his priorities are not straight , if you two are on top of it all then it might be that you two are too enthusiastic and you are stressed for no reason and you are stressing him too.
There are different ways of motivating kids , each kid is different and is motivated by different things.
You can setup some milestones for achievements and tie a reward of his liking to achievement of that milestone.
For example , if you are done with your homework by so and so time at the end of the week you will get a book you like to read or one hour extra on computer etc etc.
^His academic work often gets pending. Like recently his Urdu Notebook was sent home with many late work remarks. ( he has had Urdu as a subject for past 4 years now n doesn't like it much) now I have been asking him to come n do his Urdu work with me throughout this year .. I actually started him with grade 1 book n we worked together up till grade 4 book but after much hassle. Whenever I'd call him he would be "busy" with something ... Basically not interested! However for his science project worth 10 marks he was up and about all the time ... Still he could not execute it the way he wanted. He thinks high but can't really execute his idea. And his grades suffer because of all this despite being a really bright child. If its an oral exam he'd beat all his fellows but when it comes to written, he has too much info to write a brief answer. Most of his teachers say he is lost in his own world during exam too
It's pity that he knows everything but his paper/work doesn't reflect it! ;(
You’re probably going to hate me for this, and I really apologise. He sounds over worked. I understand he is a bright child and you want the best for him, therefore expect the best from him. But think of how some adults cope with pressure, I think perhaps he may have passed the threshold of how much pressure he can take and therefore is not motivated as much as he once was/should be? Im not saying you pressurise him. Children are very perceptive and can pick up a lot from what adults say and do.
He wants to do what he enjoys and if he excels in certain areas and not others…is that a bad thing?
I have no idea what it feels to be a parent so im in no position to say this, but as a teacher I try and maximise what children enjoy doing, they put more effort in to, gain more confidence and have better social and emotional well being as a result of it.
If he can do the basics in all subjects and from what I know of your son, I do believe he can, does it matter that he doesnt like learning Urdu as much as he likes Science?
He’s 13, still very much a child emotionally, At 13 years of age he is only going to be motivated through enjoyment. My brother is 24 and he can’t sort out his priorities, I personally believe that’s a big ask for a 13 year old.
As for the not being able to prove how able he is via his writing, does he have time to plan his answers/essays before doing them, does he make notes? He probably doesnt know where to start from as he has too much he wants to say.
Try introducing him to mind maps as a form of planning written work or any form of projects really.
Milly might be onto something....
I did the same thing with Noor. She was all over the subjects that she enjoys and always behind and needing motivation for those that did not interest her. I made the same mistakes with timers and rewards etc......and realized that nothing was going to work. She simply becomes so engrossed in the things she enjoys that she cannot tear herself away. I have to do that for her until she is able to understand the concept of priorities. She has only just turned 9 so I expect that a couple more years before she truly understands.
The mind map concept really works for her though and that's why I implied that Milly's suggestion might work for your son too. Using a mind map to prep for projects turns a boring topic into a scientific/mathematics equation. Since her mind works that way the map becomes logical and easy to implement. Give it a try.....you never know. Noor's been using it since she was 5.
^His academic work often gets pending. Like recently his Urdu Notebook was sent home with many late work remarks. ( he has had Urdu as a subject for past 4 years now n doesn't like it much) now I have been asking him to come n do his Urdu work with me throughout this year .. I actually started him with grade 1 book n we worked together up till grade 4 book but after much hassle. Whenever I'd call him he would be "busy" with something ... Basically not interested! However for his science project worth 10 marks he was up and about all the time ... Still he could not execute it the way he wanted. He thinks high but can't really execute his idea. And his grades suffer because of all this despite being a really bright child. If its an oral exam he'd beat all his fellows but when it comes to written, he has too much info to write a brief answer. Most of his teachers say he is lost in his own world during exam too
It's pity that he knows everything but his paper/work doesn't reflect it! ;(
He is only 13 do not expect him to be a self starter and self sufficient. It is your job to make sure that he does his homework in time and he learns the skills of answering the question the right way.
Plan for him , be on the alert to make sure that all homework , classwork , tests , quizzes are being completed and submitted in time. I have 16 year old son and I have to stay on top of his progress by staying in touch with his teachers on a daily basis via emails.
Teach him the skills needed to answer question as they need to be. Motivate him to put time into study of subjects he does not like .
He will learn all the skills you want him to when you teach him all this , remember it is not a one time deal that you tell them once and they will remember it all their lives , it is a constant struggle they need constant reminders they are teenagers their attention span for the things they do not like to do is very short it is our job to turn that short span to longer one by staying on top of all this , that is why we parents are there to help them out. Stay positive with him , do not yell , scream , show anger , frustration deal with him with utmost love and care and I am sure he will respond and learn in due time. Learning is a long process and long journey you cannot shorten it by taking any shortcuts.
Mirch is right.....I too had the expectation that at some point soon my daughter would begin to grasp the concept of time and priorities. When this didn't happen I began to search for answers and look for explanations that were much more complicated than needed. The answer was really quite simple......translating those things that don't interest her into a media that does.
Now there are no issues with homework. Yes.....as Mirch has mentioned above, I still have to "manage" her time and her responsibilities. I still end up reminding her that such and such is due this week or in a few days. I do communicate with her teachers and ensure that the channel for communication is open and I anticipate that I will still be doing this for a few more years.
He is only 13 do not expect him to be a self starter and self sufficient. It is your job to make sure that he does his homework in time and he learns the skills of answering the question the right way.
Plan for him , be on the alert to make sure that all homework , classwork , tests , quizzes are being completed and submitted in time. I have 16 year old son and I have to stay on top of his progress by staying in touch with his teachers on a daily basis via emails.
Teach him the skills needed to answer question as they need to be. Motivate him to put time into study of subjects he does not like .
He will learn all the skills you want him to when you teach him all this , remember it is not a one time deal that you tell them once and they will remember it all their lives , it is a constant struggle they need constant reminders they are teenagers their attention span for the things they do not like to do is very short it is our job to turn that short span to longer one by staying on top of all this , that is why we parents are there to help them out. Stay positive with him , do not yell , scream , show anger , frustration deal with him with utmost love and care and I am sure he will respond and learn in due time. Learning is a long process and long journey you cannot shorten it by taking any shortcuts.
I agree with everything you wrote there. I'm concluding it now as probably me, who doesn't know how to teach him that?? I do want to help him but probably I'm lost myself. sigh
I wrote such a wrong reply for Milly, Mirch n Muzna (M&M&M) but it got lost somehow :o
Anyways, I’d like to know about mind mapping more, please! I have used it for teaching creative writing to my kids, but for revising and all, I’m not sure if I understand it properly
Milly I always value your advice, you know. You’ve always been there for my rescue whenever i had a problem regarding kids. I’m really grateful n wish I could have you as my lot’s teacher.
No he doesn’t make notes…my biggest pet peeve!!
His idea of test preparation is staring the book, that too if i make him sit down. I often think he isn’t concentrating n ask a question which he almost always gets right. But if i ask him to pen down the answer, he would take HOURS!! In the end we are not left with much time to cover everything.
Gem, you really think he is smart??? I think some day I’l write a book “chronicles of a desi Maa jee” and trust me you’d love me more than you love my bacha
Im going to email some note making and planning frames that I use in school. Can you please PM me your email address and I will send them this evening when I get home. I'l give you a completed example as well as a blank template.
but it got lost somehow :o