Brothers and Sisters in Islam,
My younger brother was a very sweet, caring, handsome and loving man and used to love his wife dearly. He used to pamper her with any gifts that he could afford, even helped her family financially and used to do a lot of the housework at home so his wife wouldn’t have to do any. He used to spend ALL his free time with her and did everything to please her, even dressing up for her all the time and never shouting or screaming at her. Then her wealthy cousin came into their lives. My brother didn’t mind him staying over at their house but the cousin secretly lured my sister-in-law with his money to himself as she is very pretty. Now my brother’s wife has left him for her rich cousin and now my brother is really depressed. He stays awake all night and cries and blames himself. He thinks of nothing but her and whenever he sees something that belongs to her or is reminded of her by any object or place [like some place they went to together] he breaks down and cries.
She hasn’t even taken a divorce from him and is is a haram relationship [zina] with her cousin and is asking my brother for a divorce but my brother refuses to give her one and thinks that she will come back to him one day. She even aborted his baby to be with her rich cousin and told my brother ‘I’d rather be the second wife of a rich guy than the only wife of a poor guy’ [we’re not poor but we’re isn’t rich either]. I have seen her boyfriend and he is UGLY but despite the fact that my brother is handsome, kind and loving she still wants to leave him bcoz he isn’t rich like the othey guy. [Her cousin owns like LItERALLY 2 mansions in the USA]
I want advice on what to do for my brother. He’s begun to stay ill and my mum is VERY worried for him. He is very depressed and needs serious help.
Re: My depressed brother needs help and support??
It's probably not going happen, but let's assume she does come back to him. What then? Do you think they will have the kind of relationship again that they used to have? A woman as selfish as your sister in law does not even deserve a good person like your brother.
All you can probably do is to try your best to make him forget about her. It's gonna be hard, but with Allah's help and time he will hopefully get over her. I pray that your brother finds someone who is deserving of his love, Inshallah. Your sister-in-law is clearly not.
Re: My depressed brother needs help and support??
With apologies, good riddance. She has made her bed and laid in it! why does he want her back? because he loves her? She obviously didnt feel the same way!
Your brother needs the support of the family and possibly someone to talk to. Time heals all wounds!
Re: My depressed brother needs help and support??
Your brother needs to go out with a few friends, have a couple of chais, and not talk about his wife over the chai. Repeat for 2 months at least. He needs to throw out all her stuff out on the road (or give to the kaam wali if he has one), sell her jewellery and buy himself a Rolex ki watch. He needs to punch that guy in his face, and tell him to take his girlfriend with him back to amreeka and his mansions, and explain to the authorities why he has 2 wives when it's not really allowed. And your brother, no offence, needs to man up. He does not need that woman back. He should give her a divorce and let her deal with her OWN problems from there on. And most of all, your brother needs to talk to someone...I would not suggest family, unless they can help him without suggesting another marriage right away. Get professional help, or go on a forum about cheating wives, or just a friend. Or you yourself. If you're going to listen to him, then you need to JUST listen initially. Time heals. But you have to let it heal.
Re: My depressed brother needs help and support??
Ask your brother to divorce her and move on................
Re: My depressed brother needs help and support??
The wife has shown her true nature, that is a blessing in disguise. When his couzin is tired of he will throw her away like a toy.
Your brother seems like he lacks confidence in himself, by blaming himself. He needs to be kind to himself and InshaAllah someone worthy will come along!
Re: My depressed brother needs help and support??
let him cry and be little depress, its okay after what he has gone through if he keep that all inside him he might get more ill. Dont leave him alone and keep all harmful stuff away from him and keep a close eye on him (you know what i mean) and try to remind him the happy times when he was not married + pray for him as much as you can.
Re: My depressed brother needs help and support??
Do help and support him. We can't tell you
Re: My depressed brother needs help and support??
Thread like these depress me, why do such things happen to such good people :(. Omg, just the fact that he even used to dress up for her breaks my heart. I will keep him in my prayers.
It is a very tough situation to be in. I have been in a situation like yours, however, not on such a large and deep scale. I would have to tell you that no matter how much you feel like you have to do something for him right now, best thing would be to just LISTEN to him. Even if he blames himself, listen to him. Just be there. Be close to him. Try to bring things like his favourite movies, books, games etc. and have him engaged. And yes definitely pray for him and keep reminding him that this is a test and there is definitely something better for him in store in return for all this pain. Try to get him out of the house as much as possible, like for movies, food etc. or even just for walks or sports he enjoys playing.
Re: My depressed brother needs help and support??
The wife has shown her true nature, that is a blessing in disguise. When his couzin is tired of he will throw her away like a toy. Your brother seems like he lacks confidence in himself, by blaming himself. He needs to be kind to himself and InshaAllah someone worthy will come along!
lacks confidence? ugh, seriously buddy, anyone going through smtng like this would totally break apart regardless of confidence, selfesteem and all that non-sense. We are human beings. Our society needs to stop treating people like robots.
Re: My depressed brother needs help and support??
What does his wife used to do with him when he was pampering her? any favor?
Re: My depressed brother needs help and support??
What does her wife used to do with him when he was pampering her? any favor?
in before queer says cowgirl
Sorry to hear your brother’s going through such a tough time.
It’s understandable for him to be depressed. Losing a relationship is just like losing a family or friend who has passed away. It is absolutely healthy for him to be sad and even mourn the loss of his wife, but the way he’s doing it isn’t healthy.
Avoiding triggers isnt easy, and sometimes impossible. But teaching your self to not react a certain way because of those triggers is def possible.
Give him time. And make him realize there were no faults on his end. He can only control him self and his actions. he was loyal and loving. If she chose not to be, she’ll have to deal with the consequences now.
And even if she did come back to him, would he want to be with someone who didnt hesitate to leave him? Who killed THEIR baby? And what’s to say she wouldnt leave again?
Be his support. Keep his mind occupied with things and activities he would enjoy.
Good luck. I sincerly hope things get better for him. 
Her wife? 
Re: My depressed brother needs help and support??
well he will have to go through this all , to get over , things will be perfectly well once he is over with it , best ov luck
Re: My depressed brother needs help and support??
I think the question is not whether he should take his wife back or not, because answer is very clear. He should divorce her.
Question is how to get out of depression. Unfortunately for situation that big, he may need to seek the medical help. Few months of psychiatric counseling and some anti-depressant will inshallah take care if that. Nothing is going to change over night but in 18-24 months, he should be back to normal happy person.
Re: My depressed brother needs help and support??
And Farah Dar, if this is your real name then may I suggest to ask admins to change it to some pseudonym.,
Re: My depressed brother needs help and support??
Re: My depressed brother needs help and support??
Peace OP
Send your brother to Umrah after getting him to divorce his evil wife ... Get him married again and make sure she is good ... He will soon get over the first wife ... We are blessed in Islam ... For us it is easy to get married quickly ... Find a poorer girl with less ambition and more religious values.
Re: My depressed brother needs help and support??
I think Sufism should help him. Get him one of Rumi's books and see him transform. He went through frist step, Annihilation in Love, destroyed in love. Now he must rise like a phenoix to new heights of love, the true love, the love of God one and only. Only there will he find solace and rejoice and in doing so will dance in ecstacy.
Re: My depressed brother needs help and support??
It will be painful for him but you cannot force someone to stay or someone to love. Best thing to do is to move on and find someone that is deserving of his love.
I don't think she just left for the money, perhaps she was not too pleased with a husband that spent all his free time with her and did everything to please her.