And I am getting engaged soon. The second wife wants to tell my husband-to-be about herself, but I am strongly opposed to it. If he knows about her, the chance that my husband gets a second wife may be higher and it may also create chaos in other ways.
This second wife is not a part of my life. I hate her because my mom was the first wife of my dad. So, I hardly interact with her. I just don’t understand why she wants to be in my life *now *that I’m getting married. She wants to know my husband and be a part of it, even though she has never had much to do with me.
Basically I learned that she was *crying *to my dad about this, and so angry that we are not ready to tell him about her.
What should I do? Is it wrong for me to hide this from my future husband? Even if she has NOTHING to do with me and I only see her maybe once a year? I hate this woman.
If I tell him that there are two wives that my dad has, it will make the idea of polygamy more acceptable.
Also, I don't want to tell him about her existence since she has nothing to do with my life.
I don't talk to her, I don't see her, and I just don't like her.
Agree with the above comment. If you don't tell your husband now he might think you have a lot more to hide when he finds out which he likely will at some point. But if you tell him now then you have a good chance of taking him into confidence and prevent him to interact with your 2nd mum in the first place.
I think you should let him know ..as he ll find out later on , i mean It's not something you can hide forever ,It's fine if you dont like her or dont want to see her but she is there in Ur father's life and that is something ur hubby t o be should know. just tell him how u feel abt it and it shouldnt be any problem inshAllah.
Well that's what I'm saying. I don't think he will find out because it's been kept secret. Only my dad's side of the family knows about her. Even my mom's family doesn't and neither do the people who know me here (friends/aunties etc). So, doesn't that make a difference? Can't I hide it from them? What do you think?
And I am getting engaged soon. The second wife wants to tell my husband-to-be about herself, but I am strongly opposed to it. If he knows about her, the chance that my husband gets a second wife may be higher and it may also create chaos in other ways.
This second wife is not a part of my life. I hate her because my mom was the first wife of my dad. So, I hardly interact with her. I just don't understand why she wants to be in my life *now *that I'm getting married. She wants to know my husband and be a part of it, even though she has never had much to do with me.
Basically I learned that she was *crying *to my dad about this, and so angry that we are not ready to tell him about her.
What should I do? Is it wrong for me to hide this from my future husband? Even if she has NOTHING to do with me and I only see her maybe once a year? I hate this woman.
Speaking from personal experience i would recommend that you tell your fiancé straight away, you can't base a marriage in any form of lies. You can't presume that you husband will deem this acceptable and do it himself, if your marrying him have some faith. Rember islamically polygamy is accepted: what was the reason your father took a second wife? If the reasons were selfish then speak to ur husband about this and explain your views on this and lay out the law. If it creates chaos so what? It's a true test of if ur fiancé will accept u for who you are!
And now there' just one more thing. My mom doesn't want future husband-to-be to ever know about this secret. Because obviously she feels ashamed by it and doesn't want her son in law to know this. What can I do about this?
if you don't want a polygamous relationship tell him that he can't have one and that you want a monogamous relationship.
I wouldn't tell my husband to be about the second wife because in my eyes there is no such thing unless you live in pak.
The second wife can't throw a fuss if she's not invited to the wedding.
I don't think you should tell him... If it was me I would not make myself so vulnerable at the start of my relationship. You can tell your husband in due time once that he has your trust.. Also it may make your in laws look down on your mum or even start giving u 'taneh'. I believe you need to stay hushyaar in these kind of situations... lets be realistic everyone has some dark secret in their family...
I dont think you should tell your fiancé. Why did your father take a second wife? I definitely agree that this makes you more vulnerable. I dont why men think before they put their daughters and sisters in such a bad position. It's not haram but there is no Sawab for doing this. The second wife needs stay out of it and stop demanding attention.
Well that's what I'm saying. I don't think he will find out because it's been kept secret. Only my dad's side of the family knows about her. Even my mom's family doesn't and neither do the people who know me here (friends/aunties etc). So, doesn't that make a difference? Can't I hide it from them? What do you think?
your mom must be in constant torture that she can not express her feelings with anyone, not her family, not a close friend because of whatever reason you ppl are hiding your father's 2nd marriage. You guys can hide it from your husband now but eventually he will find out. what you can do is let him know, by letting him know that, you are not increasing his chances of a 2nd marriage. Have faith in Allah. However you don't have to invite her to the wedding, not because you hate her but you also don't want to further torture your mother on wedding. The 2nd wife wanting to be part of your wedding means, she wants your father to announce their marrage in public, she probably wants to be with your father in public, get rid of this secret married life.
I think you should tell him. Not just because of the trust issue, but because you can let him know how much a polygamous relationship is unacceptable for you.
How do you know him finding out could put him off having two wives?
My dad has two wives and it's not a nice experience for anyone. My SO knows and respects my dads decision but is not for polygamy at all.
Don't feel insecure. Tell him and what? If you can be the best wife for him he don't need to remarry. Have confidence in yourself he'll love you more for being honest and bring proud of yourself and your family which everyone should be
