Re: My bhabhi destroyed my brother's life and we don't know how to rebuild it. Need h
i think ur brother should get the divorce, and see a psychiatrist so he can put the whole tragedy behind him. He should also stop listening to you. You used ur brother just so ur frnd could be ur bhabi...i say the whole lot is selfish. yo if ur bhabhi wants a divorce, hand it to her. i'm sure ur brother will be more at peace, once the whole ordeal is over. and once he realizes the divorce is finalized he'll know its time to move on and in a couple of yrs he would've forgotten all about it and then u can bring him another pretty little doll? yeah.
Re: My bhabhi destroyed my brother's life and we don't know how to rebuild it. Need h
And the latest update is...
bhabhi said she doesn't want to come back to my brother. She has no intention of returning and my brother was on the verge of signing the divorce papers. He was in tears and could not bring himself to do it. My father threw him out of the house for a couple of hours, before my mum let my back in. My brother ended up not signing the papers and when bhabhi's phone call came to check whether he had signed he said 'no, i haven't' and he shut the phone loudly.
Again we were not interfering but I cannot bear to see my brother in so much pain. Bhabhi was mad he hadn't signed. She says her parents will marry her to a relative of theirs and so her future is secure, but my brother's future is not. My father has made it clear to my brother, should he sign the divorce papers he will not be allowed back in the house like my other brother who had a love marriage and this time my brother can leave with my mother as well.
Dad was still trying to convince bhabhi to stay.
Then my brother decided to ask my maternal aunt who was divorced 2 decades ago by her first husband on his family's orders be coz she did not bring the expected amount in jahez. She worked as a restaurant manager in Canada where she migrated to after mamoo sponsored her from Pakistan and she used her BSc. 10 years later she was married again to an innocent, shareef man and is now very happy in her life.
my brother consulted her and asked what would her reaction be if he divorced his wife. Au tie says it is his life, but when my bhai started weeping and asking about how life is after divorce, Auntie explained to him thatit was not the end of the world. To put his trust in Allah and do what he thinks is best FOR him.
My brother signed the papers and dropped them over to the post office.
We are awaiting bhabhi's reaction.
My dad was outraged, to say the least. My brother told us that we (him, mum and us sisters) are shifting to Canada to live with our maternal relatives. My father said it is not permissible in Islam for a woman to even leave her husband's home without his permission, let alone a country(he was talking about my mum). My brother then said,' fine, divorce our mum. We do not need you anyway. What have you done for us'.This is the 3rd time my brother asked my father to divorce my mother(he had done so previously before marriage due to being sick and tired of the roz roz ke jagrey between my dad and mum, as my dad kept on demanding my mum to beg for money from friends,brothers,relatives after we stopped getting benefits from the government and my dad would kick my mum out of the house if she didn't, as my mother was ashamed of begging for money from others). My brother had decided then we would move to Canada to live with our nanyaal who we hadn't been with or met for 2 decades. However then my father had forcibly married him to my bhabhi.
Now my bhai is once again asking for talaq for my mum. My mum says it makes no difference whether she is married or not. 'What is the purpose of staying married if my children are not happy' said my mum. We are all sick and tired of our dad.
Our dad left the house today and before he left he promised my mum and brother that he would 'fulfill' their wish 'very soon'.
Re: My bhabhi destroyed my brother's life and we don't know how to rebuild it. Need h
Farah, may Allah swt make this easy for you and your family.
You have to remember...anything worth having is worth fighting for. You know what you need to do and what is right. It won't be easy...but then what part of life is easy to begin with?
Re: My bhabhi destroyed my brother's life and we don't know how to rebuild it. Need h
Farah, may Allah swt make this easy for you and your family.
You have to remember...anything worth having is worth fighting for. You know what you need to do and what is right. It won't be easy...but then what part of life is easy to begin with?
I don't know. Me and my sister are just soooo terrified. My brother and mum seem too confident. But the earth has just been pulled from underneat our feet. Our brother has ben divorced, and our mum is about to be divorced. A thousand things are going through my mind. I am dazzled. Confused. Scared. I don't know what will follow next.
Everything has just changed so quickly. My brother is still shocked at how he signed the papers. And my dad left home angrily and I don't know what will happen when he returns. Wat if I never see him again? He is after all my dad. Everything is just changing soo much, soo fast.
I am scared.
I am still in a daze. When I get up, look around me or talk to my sister I feel as if I am walking through a dream, a bad dream I just want to end. Everything and everyone in the house are too quiet. The quietness has paralysed my heart and seems to descend like darkness upon my head. Nothing is moving in the house. The windows are open and for the first time the breeze coming in through the window is torturing me. I am crying as I type. Why did this happen to me? Why my family?
Re: My bhabhi destroyed my brother's life and we don't know how to rebuild it. Need h
Wow. My heart truly goes out to you right now and even though I don't know you and have never met you, you're in my prayers. May Allah SWT give your family the strength and perseverance to come out of this ordeal as a happier and stronger family.
With that said, remember Farah that you have to be strong, for your mom, your brother, your sister, yourself, and anyone else who tries to make you second guess yourself. Things are probably going be tough, maybe for a while, maybe for a longer period of time. But have faith in your Protector, in sha Allah, He will show you a tomorrow that is better than today and yesterdays.
Also remember that we all make mistakes, its who we are and its what makes us humans. But if a believer repents for his/her mistakes with a true heart then Allah SWT wipes their slate clean like that of a newborns in sha Allah. hugs
Re: My bhabhi destroyed my brother's life and we don't know how to rebuild it. Need h
Wow. My heart truly goes out to you right now and even though I don't know you and have never met you, you're in my prayers. May Allah SWT give your family the strength and perseverance to come out of this ordeal as a happier and stronger family.
With that said, remember Farah that you have to be strong, for your mom, your brother, your sister, yourself, and anyone else who tries to make you second guess yourself. Things are probably going be tough, maybe for a while, maybe for a longer period of time. But have faith in your Protector, in sha Allah, He will show you a tomorrow that is better than today and yesterdays.
Also remember that we all make mistakes, its who we are and its what makes us humans. But if a believer repents for his/her mistakes with a true heart then Allah SWT wipes their slate clean like that of a newborns in sha Allah. hugs
Jazakallah brother/sister
Anyways, my father arrived and uttered triple talaq to my mum and angrily left the house, packing up and taking all his clothes and documents with him. It is over. All over.
My mum's suffering of 28 years has finished, but now a new sufereing has begum. We are at point zero currently and don't know how to restart our lives from afresh. My brother is waiting to save up money for 4 plane tickets to Canada, where we are planning to shift as sson as my mum's iddah ends.
My brother is very worried, how will we tell our nano and nanaboo about this. 2 divorces in the family on the same day. This baat can't be hidden for long, at least not his divorce.
The truth is we are all simply shocked, don't know what to do. this forum is my only sahara, where I come to sek advice and solace and express my feelings, to sek respite from my hell of a life.
We have been through similar difficulties before, but what is unique is that this time everything has ended. My mother's sabr and compromises for 28 years have ended. She felt sad about her badkismati and wept for hours today. My sister and I comforted her but could only do so for a short period of time. We both started crying soon after.
My legs and arms feel numb, my back aches and my eyes sem to feel drowsy. I don't know how to live on. Everyone in my family is alone and doesn't know how to comfort each other.
My brother took sleeping drugs and fell asleep.
I feel extremely sore and feel like colapsing every second.
Jazakallah brother/sister
Anyways, my father arrived and uttered triple talaq to my mum and angrily left the house, packing up and taking all his clothes and documents with him. It is over. All over.
My mum's suffering of 28 years has finished, but now a new sufereing has begum. We are at point zero currently and don't know how to restart our lives from afresh. My brother is waiting to save up money for 4 plane tickets to Canada, where we are planning to shift as sson as my mum's iddah ends.
My brother is very worried, how will we tell our nano and nanaboo about this. 2 divorces in the family on the same day. This baat can't be hidden for long, at least not his divorce.
The truth is we are all simply shocked, don't know what to do. this forum is my only sahara, where I come to sek advice and solace and express my feelings, to sek respite from my hell of a life.
We have been through similar difficulties before, but what is unique is that this time everything has ended. My mother's sabr and compromises for 28 years have ended. She felt sad about her badkismati and wept for hours today. My sister and I comforted her but could only do so for a short period of time. We both started crying soon after.
My legs and arms feel numb, my back aches and my eyes sem to feel drowsy. I don't know how to live on. Everyone in my family is alone and doesn't know how to comfort each other.
My brother took sleeping drugs and fell asleep.
I feel extremely sore and feel like colapsing every second.
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I jus want to give you a hug. i dont know what else to say. stay strong inshalla everything will be fine soon. waqt acha ho ya bura,guzar hee jata hai. have faith in Allah. i am praying for you and your family.
Re: My bhabhi destroyed my brother's life and we don't know how to rebuild it. Need h
I don't know whether it is appropriate or not, but I feel like venting out all my frustration today. Just telling my mum's sad story makes me fel I am giving myself some relief from the pain my family is keeping inside.
28 years ago my parents were married in Pakistan. Dad was an accountant in London at that time.Both were from middle class families. My mum's family was very shareef, and were not the type who investigate a potential spouse's background for their children. Bus jaha 'naik' aur 'shareef' log miljaye waha rishta karlia.
Anyways my dad's mother and sisters used to practice taveez to keep their husbands under control, literally like jhoru ke ghulams.
My dadyaal practised taveez on my mother's family from the very beginning. They planted 'keeley' in mu nano's house the day of the wedding. They asked for my mum's salami and my dado objected to my dad spending on my mum's parlour preparations on the Walima. Soon after, just a week after the marriage, my dado falsely accused my mother of bringing taveez into the house to control my 'father' and turn him into a jhoru ka ghulam. They also accused my mother's family of doing the same.
My mother did not tell her family about these problems, because she did not want them to be worried. Months after, as the fighting got worse, my mum informed my nano and nanabo. They arrived and asked my dado to take an oath on the Quran to say they were telling the truth. But my dado refused to tale the oath as she knew she was wrong and did taveez on my father herself.
My mum's mother had taught my mum to do sabr and compromise in marriage for ghar basaana ke liye. This strategy never worked. Sabr turned to dust as my dadyaal's behaviour towards my mum and her family just got worse. My mother was not allowed to let any of her family members into the house, even if they were at the door and my dadyaal broke off all relations with my nanyaal bcoz of their fear that my mum and her family would take my dad on their side. My dad returned to England and my older brother was born. My dad had to sponsor mum and bhai to the UK. My chacha had applied for a visa at the same time. My mum being the spouse got the visa easily but my chaacha did not. He became jealous, tried to kil my mum and bhai (he was a year old) with a pistol but thank Allah the bullets missed and my dad's family asked my mum to leave with my bhai. She went to her family and they were all angry and wanted to file a FIR against that chacha and my dad's family. My mum askednthem not to becausenshe knew my dad would divorce her if our nanyaal took any action.
My dadyaal then sent a fake letter in my mamoo's name to the british embassy, saying my mum was divorced before and had done a marriage with my father only for immigration purposes and would divorce him after 2 years. They lied. When my mum told my dad on the phone, by dad just swore at her and her family. My nanaboo just shut the phone.
Months later, when they got the visa from the embassy my mum migrated to the Uk along with my brother who was young at that time.
my parents started life afresh. My father would often speak badly of my mum and her family to his friends. He would make up lies about them. My dad at one time even looked for another wife. But he did not succeed. Back in Pakistan, my phopho found that my khala's nand was in her mohalla. She went to that nand's house and fed her lies about my mum and khala. My khala was already struggling with greedy in-laws who were demanding more and more jahez but my phopho cut the final line that ended in my khala's divorce. my nanyaal ended up migrating to Canada and my khaala left Pakistan to avoid the stigma of being 'divorced'.
dad became a taxi driver and became involved in gambling. That destroyed the rest of our lives. We were in financial hardships for the rest of our lives as my dad would force my mum to beg for money from her relatives or family friends to clear his debt, pay for bills and rent. We were once kicked out of a house for failing to pay the rent, often the electricity or telephone connections would be cut due to my father not paying the bills. My father forced my mum to bg for money from anyone and took all the government benefits paid into her account. If she refused he would kick her out of the house or threaten to divorce her. This is how we spent our life. My brother, who loved my mother very much, was scarred by all this and vowed to never treat his wife the same, this is why he put up with bhabhi for so long.
My mum, after 28 years of a failed marriage, doesn't feel any pain for the divorce as she has been through so much hardship in life that nothing hurts her any more. She has devoted the rest of her life to Allah and is now a pious woman who puts Allah before anything else.
Re: My bhabhi destroyed my brother's life and we don't know how to rebuild it. Need h
Farah..May Allah help you guys in your difficulties. Don't know what to say. Come to Canada insha'allah and start your new lives here. Everything gets better by will of Allah. At this time, be with your mom and your brother.
Re: My bhabhi destroyed my brother's life and we don't know how to rebuild it. Need h
Do you realize the silver lining here is that your mother will never be threatened, humiliated or have to beg for respect again? She is free.
For your brother, you have to remember it takes two to tango. Even if your brother wanted to remain married and try, he couldn't because his partner didn't. So his suffering ended too.
You have some work ahead of you but you also have an opportunity. An opportunity to make things better. To possibly at some point...be happy.
My bhabhi destroyed my brother's life and we don't know how to rebuild it. Need help?
This need not be the beginning of new suffering.. It may be the beginning of something good.. for all of you. Your brother is what 27? You guys have your whole life ahead of you.. What if someones prayers have finally been answered?
Re: My bhabhi destroyed my brother's life and we don't know how to rebuild it. Need h
It's really difficult right now, but you have to keep faith in Allah now.But the worst is over. In Sha Allah you guys will be able to start a new life once you move. I pray Allah gives you, your siblings, and mother the strength to deal with all of this. Hopefully your guys lives will be at ease now.
Yes, I also await to hear from you when you guys are in Canada, and how your life has improved.
Re: My bhabhi destroyed my brother's life and we don't know how to rebuild it. Need h
One more thing...right now your mother needs you more than ever. She needs you be strong for her and be her sahara. She has been through a lot in life and for what? So she could stay married to your father and you would always have one. Our mothers do these things for us. Now, its your turn to do something for her. Show her she will be okay...that all of her mehnat and hard work didn't just go to waste...that she has her children around her to support her and she'll never be alone.
Re: My bhabhi destroyed my brother's life and we don't know how to rebuild it. Need h
May Allah keep you and your family strong. Look after your mother and also, do say a goodbye to your dad before you leave for Canada. Your mom is now free and insha Allah may things be better for you all.
Re: My bhabhi destroyed my brother's life and we don't know how to rebuild it. Need h
:'( very sad ending, I am truly sorry for all you are going through, I don't have any words to describe how unfair all of this is. May Allah grant you patience and happiness in return of all the grief you faced today. You will be in my prayers, I wish you a bright future in Canada.
Re: My bhabhi destroyed my brother's life and we don't know how to rebuild it. Need h
Farah..read your entire post. Very sorry to hear what pain and suffering you and your family have been through. I believe someone above mentioned to be there for your Mom..take heed of that and be there for her. There was a time when our parents were there for us, and for you the role has reversed and you have to be there for your Mom. Take it one day at a time.
Alhamdulillah you are all alive and well. Things happen, and we bear it and carry on. See it as a new beginning . IA, may your future and that of your Mom and siblings be rosy and bright. Your story very much strikes a chord with me, IA, by Allah's Grace and Mercy it will all work out. Don't worry about what folks will say, they will say and continue to say.