Re: My bhabhi destroyed my brother's life and we don't know how to rebuild it. Need h
khatti it just shows we have good taste. :D
Re: My bhabhi destroyed my brother's life and we don't know how to rebuild it. Need h
Let me be the Devil's advocate yet again and tell u, it does not seem to be Bhabhi's fault.
1-Its obvious that u & ur family have a different perception of ur bhabhi than ur brother. He seems to love her and hence trying to save this marriage.
2- If ur daddy is blackmailing ur brother to get money for gambling, ur bhabhi will definitely feel that its better he buys her gold rather than the money going into a casino.
3- The first thing u shud do to make it better is to fix ur dad. U shud unite with ur mom and brother and tell him, he ain't getting any money even if he divorces ur mom. Better get away from this man as soon as possible. He may ruin ur marriage as well, and how many rishtas will u get when people know that ur dad is into gambling and has ruined his sons marriage.
Re: My bhabhi destroyed my brother's life and we don't know how to rebuild it. Need h
Today was simply an AMAZING day. Today I broke down in front of my brother while he was having his cereal for breakfast. He looked up, saw me and hurried over to me to ask why I was weeping. I said I was just so sorry for being so selfish all the time and for giving him so much irreparable takleef. My brother was silenced for a long time, he then went to the backyard and walked around a lot(its an old bachpana habit of his when he is busy in thought). Later on in the day he came over to me, smiled at me and said thank you. My sister wrote a letter to him admitting all her faults to him one by one. He smiled at us all and told us he still loves us. He never stopped loving us, he said, the love was lost and our apologies has helped bring it back.
I am still not sure if the trust will ever return though. I still feel like I have plenty to do.
And today bhabhi sent us the divorce papers. My brother is still afraid of the 'divorced' tag. He doesn't fear society as much as he fears his own conscience. He wants to stick by his childhood dream of becoming the best husband.
@ Iconoclast...read everything from the beginning to see the whole scenario.
My father had a field day today when the divorce papers arrived. He screamed at my mum and blamed my brother for it. My dadt wants bhabhi back more than anyone. Its got to the point he nearly uttered 1 divorce to my mum until my brother calmed things down a bit by calling bhabhi and getting my father to talk to her.
Re: My bhabhi destroyed my brother's life and we don't know how to rebuild it. Need h
May Allah make things easier for your brother
My bhabhi destroyed my brother's life and we don't know how to rebuild it. Need help?
I think your dad is..psycho. You all need to unite and stand up to him. He is using the talaq threat to blackmail your brother into line and he fell for it. He really cares more about the ex- dil than his wife??
Re: My bhabhi destroyed my brother's life and we don't know how to rebuild it. Need h
maybe you mentioned this somewhere and I missed it.....
does your dad understand that the DIL does not want to share her husband's earnings with him?
does he know that if she had it her way then he would not get any funds from his son?
if not, then perhaps he should be informed.
if he does then why does he want her back?
Re: My bhabhi destroyed my brother's life and we don't know how to rebuild it. Need h
I am glad you finally apologized. This should have happened much earlier and would have saved you a lot of drama.
May Allah make this easy for your family. If and when your brother does go through with the divorce, you will need to be there to support him. And by that I do NOT mean advise him on what to do next. You are in no position to do that. Let him figure that out himself. You just be there for him in that time that will certainly be difficult for him.
Re: My bhabhi destroyed my brother's life and we don't know how to rebuild it. Need h
Dad wants bhabhi back because though she gave him no financial help, she is good for spying on us and our mum and according to my dad she is the only person at home who keeps my brother and even more specially my mother 'under control' and stops him from moving out or refusing to give dad any money when he issues talaq threats. My bhabhi pressurises bhai and is the only family member on dad's side, so she's an important tool for him, since no one else in the family takes dad seriously.
Re: My bhabhi destroyed my brother's life and we don't know how to rebuild it. Need h
Latest update: Bhabhi called bhai. Said she loves him now truly, but she is still sticking to her demands of separate accommodation and some materialistic things like money and jewellery. My brother feels touched by the way she spoke to him today, she hasn't ever talked to him lovingly ever before..he always wanted to know if she did truly love him and now she is using these words and my brother is falling for her trap. She said she'll take back the divorce papers back (he hasn't signed it yet) if he does all this stuff for her and she said she is sorry for the last fight they had (she hasn't apologised for her behaviour prior to the incident, nor has she done so for the abortion). She said my brother must prove his love for her by doing all these things just for her and then she will return. My bhai is now confused, he thinks she has finally started loving him...thats what he had hoped for.. but it seems bhabhi is doing this to just get what she wants but I can't advise him on anything since I told myself I would try to stay out of all of it.
Re: My bhabhi destroyed my brother's life and we don't know how to rebuild it. Need h
I think they should move out and try on thier own.
If you love your brother and you see that this is putting him at peace then jsut accept the bhabhi.
When you are all old and senile all this won't even matter.
And who is anyone else to have opinions on what a wife demands from her husband. Thats between them.
Re: My bhabhi destroyed my brother's life and we don't know how to rebuild it. Need h
I can't advise him on anything since I told myself I would try to stay out of all of it.
Yep, and continue to tell yourself this for the rest of your life. As for the rest of it....what your bhabhi is saying to her HUSBAND and what her intentions might be behond those words etc.....that's between them. This is something your brother needs to figure out by himself b/c his decision will effect HIS life as long as he lives.
Even the negative words you wrote above regarding your bhabi....make sure those words never come out of you rmouth in-real-life......whether its to your brother or bashing her to another family member or someone in the community. If you want to win your brother's love and respect back.....then learn to show respect towards his wife. You don't have to like her.....but you do need to treat her with appropriate respect.
My bhabhi destroyed my brother's life and we don't know how to rebuild it. Need help?
Your father is the one with BIG PROBLEM! He needs help and guidance ! Do not demand unreasonable things from your brother! Let his marriage flourish or fail Bc of their personal relationship. If you live in UK, please get a job, educate yourself, get some skills and STAY THE HECK OUT OF YOUR BHABIS LIVES. Don't take their budwa. Tell your mom to become stronger and not be soooo very weak! I think your father is the one who needs to be taught a lesson!
Re: My bhabhi destroyed my brother's life and we don't know how to rebuild it. Need h
Because your brother grew up in an emotionally unstable environment where threats and bullying from family members was/is the norm, he may not be able to discern what is healthy vs. crazy behavior coming from his wife.
He really needs psychotherapy- as an individual and as a couple!
Re: My bhabhi destroyed my brother's life and we don't know how to rebuild it. Need h
have you tried seeing things from her perspective?
here's a glance:
- she's living with a dysfunctional family where the son is unable to do as he pleases (his father, mother and sisters control him)
- she has no say in how the husband's money is spent (mainly because he is constantly trying to appease the father)
- she and her husband are probably never going to be able to put money away for a future
- her husband has grown up watching his father threaten to divorce his mother (extrapolation: what has he learned about how to treat a wife?)
- her BIL has had his wife leave for a richer cousin
- her bff/SIL has turned 180 degrees since the marriage in her attitude and relationship
Wouldn't you ask for a separate living arrangement and some financial security?
Is she really being THAT unreasonable considering the circumstances?
Re: My bhabhi destroyed my brother's life and we don't know how to rebuild it. Need h
I've never seen a man so obsessed with keeping his daughter in law in the family, esp when she is so hell bent on leaving. It seems very strange.
Re: My bhabhi destroyed my brother's life and we don't know how to rebuild it. Need h
have you tried seeing things from her perspective? here's a glance:
- she's living with a dysfunctional family where the son is unable to do as he pleases (his father, mother and sisters control him)
- she has no say in how the husband's money is spent (mainly because he is constantly trying to appease the father)
- she and her husband are probably never going to be able to put money away for a future
- her husband has grown up watching his father threaten to divorce his mother (extrapolation: what has he learned about how to treat a wife?)
- her BIL has had his wife leave for a richer cousin
- her bff/SIL has turned 180 degrees since the marriage in her attitude and relationship
Wouldn't you ask for a separate living arrangement and some financial security? Is she really being THAT unreasonable considering the circumstances?
As far as I know my mum has no control over my brother, my mother has always pursued a policy of non-interference in her son's marriage from the beginning, unlike the rest of us. She always used to say we should leave the matters of their marriage to them and when bhabhi was demanding a separate house my mother even asked my bhai to comply with her demands(this was the only time she ever interfered).
And my bhai has given my bhabhi things that he can afford, but bhabhi is never satisfied and is always asking for more. My mum even gave my bhai all the jewellery she had kept for my sister and my own marriages so that he could please his wife. When my brother objected, saying it was for our marriages, mum said Allah will give us more later when we have good niyyat. But bhabhi's demands never end, her problem is that she just keeps asking for more and my brother, despite giving what he can, is always insulted by her. Its not like he just hands his whole salary to my dad. Bhabhi also consumes a lot.
As for my other bhai, he and his ex-wife don't even live with us, he lives in Scotland for the past many years. So I don't see how their case affects bhabhi.
I didn't take the turn around first, it was she who started fighting with me for money, which forced me to end our friendship. I had hoped our friendship would grow stronger after we became sister in laws. But this is not the case sadly.
And the way my father has treated our mother has actually made my brother try to be a 'good husband'. Please, read my previous posts and you will see that my brother said he did not want to follow in my dad's footsteps.
Re: My bhabhi destroyed my brother's life and we don't know how to rebuild it. Need h
My bhai has come to know that the reason bhabhi's family was supporting her is that her extended family wants her parents to end this inter-racial marriage between a pathan girl ana a non-pathan boy. And bhabhi has told her parents a lot of fake stories of her being abused by my brother.
Re: My bhabhi destroyed my brother's life and we don't know how to rebuild it. Need h
I've never seen a man so obsessed with keeping his daughter in law in the family, esp when she is so hell bent on leaving. It seems very strange.
Its become a matter of ego for my dad actually. He sees my brother's failed marriage as his doing.....he knows this deep down in his heart....but now to keep his ego up he is trying to force my brother to stay in this marriage so that his ego isn't hurt by his created match failing.
Re: My bhabhi destroyed my brother's life and we don't know how to rebuild it. Need h
My brother can't afford 2 houses, one for us and 1 for her. And for those telling me to work, I have a Bsc but I don't work due to my father. He has constant mood swings. At some times he wil let me work so that I can give him money and at other times he won't let me and will start fighting with my mother and will insult my bhai with words like 'beghairat'. To avoid such drama I don't work. And other brother lives far away from us.
and when bhabhi was around mum would do all the chores, and literally serve my lazy bhabhi who ordered my mum about.
My bhabhi destroyed my brother's life and we don't know how to rebuild it. Need help?
Farah darling get a job....pray namaz. Stop analyzing the situation And trying to interfere in anyone's marriage. Try to pray for good rishta and get out of that family situation.