Re: My bhabhi destroyed my brother's life and we don't know how to rebuild it. Need h
@sweetequation
No matter what happened, my brother should not lose his patience. If he can be patient with her for so long why can't be nice to us.he should be patient with us too, bcoz she was insincere but we are sincere to him and his own family.
I want advice on how to ix my family's relationship with him
P.s.
i acknowledge and regret my mistake
Re: My bhabhi destroyed my brother’s life and we don’t know how to rebuild it. Need h
Jst help him out … sort out the issues .. if possible get rid of the bhabhi so tht he can get som life back n sort out some other girl for him so he can live som yearss of his life in sakooon 
Re: My bhabhi destroyed my brother's life and we don't know how to rebuild it. Need h
He is still not sure whether to divorce her or not. Read the last few paragraphs why.
Re: My bhabhi destroyed my brother's life and we don't know how to rebuild it. Need h
jst help him to sort out divorce quickly nahi reh na usai ..ub orr un ka sath ... :)
Re: My bhabhi destroyed my brother's life and we don't know how to rebuild it. Need h
@fusion middleware...that is exactly what i am asking. How do i get him to divorce. I have told you on my first post y he is reluctant to divorce. Now i want advice on how to deal with this
Re: My bhabhi destroyed my brother's life and we don't know how to rebuild it. Need h
stay out of it and stop interfering.
lol at the defenders of the bhabi
Re: My bhabhi destroyed my brother's life and we don't know how to rebuild it. Need h
@sweetequation No matter what happened, my brother should not lose his patience. If he can be patient with her for so long why can't be nice to us.he should be patient with us too, bcoz she was insincere but we are sincere to him and his own family. I want advice on how to ix my family's relationship with him P.s. i acknowledge and regret my mistake
regarding this what u said, what if ur brother had did the same with you, made u marry with his friend and u were in that situation, would u be patient with him.
and would u consider him to be sincere with you if that happened to you
dont think as his worries are his and he should not show u his anger.
if he is showing his anger to u guys not to her than not forget this
Naraz hamesha apno se hi hotay hian.
so she is not even that close for him. regarding advise i did PM u one advise, i can think of nothing else
Re: My bhabhi destroyed my brother's life and we don't know how to rebuild it. Need h
Farah i think u should listen to others saying u not to interfere, Just pray for ur brother
Re: My bhabhi destroyed my brother's life and we don't know how to rebuild it. Need h
**For Farah: **May Allah shows everyone the right path of emaan and forgive our every mistake... Ameen If you are confused and you think that every door is closed den you should Ask for ALLAH's help.. Inshallah he will guide you and help you.. recite Astaghfar for as many time as you can..
For others: please stop this blaming game. she is worried and everyone can make mistakes in their life.
Re: My bhabhi destroyed my brother's life and we don't know how to rebuild it. Need h
Farah, sit down with your brother and acknowledge the mistakes you made in the past. Be humble and ask for his forgiveness. Let him know that whatever he decides you will support him in whatever way you can.
Re: My bhabhi destroyed my brother's life and we don't know how to rebuild it. Need h
It is good that you accept your mistake and repent it. But that might not be enough, especially, for bringing a positive change in the life of your brother.
In my opinion, your brother and your SIL should be given a chance to live a life of their own in a separate house. Since your brother cannot afford to support two houses, let him support his own separate house first.
As for your house, you and your dad should sit together and think how best you can run the house. It might involve some of you working harder than you have been until now.
I think your brother blames his family for making his life difficult, hence the attitude. I agree with him. Some burden needs to be taken off him and he should be given a chance to have his own house, where he runs the affairs of his family. Treat his wife with respect rather than calling her cunning, bla bla and let him deal with her. If she desires a car, gifts etc, its their personal matter.
In a nutshell, stop depending financially on your brother. Give him some space. Find alternative ways of generating income for your house.
Re: My bhabhi destroyed my brother's life and we don't know how to rebuild it. Need h
stay out of it and stop interfering.
lol at the defenders of the bhabi
Nobody's defending the bhabi......they're just pointing out how the sister and father both ruined his life.
Re: My bhabhi destroyed my brother’s life and we don’t know how to rebuild it. Need h
The reason he can’t be nice to you guys is b/c YOU and your FATHER are the ONLY reason he has been forced to be nice to his wife! If it weren’t for you two, he wouldn’t be married to her to begin with! There was no “sincerity” when you helped your father force the married. Neither one of you cared at all about your brother’s happiness. You’re right that you guys are his “own” family. That’s what gives your brother the right to be furious b/c his own blood forced him into a marriage that he didn’t want b/c of their own greed and selfishness. And how was your bhabi insincere? Her personality stayed the same before and after marriage.
You can sit there and repeat how much your regret your mistake all you want to…but the words above indicate that you have no idea just what a horrible thing you have done. You are totally incapable of relating to what your brother is going through. Once again, its about what you and your family feels.
Then stop focusing so much on what you and the family wants. For once, focus on what your brother feels and support him in whatever decision he makes. Treat him like an adult instead of a child who needs all his decisions made for him. Stop interfering in his marriage. As long as she remains his wife…learn to respect your bhabi. And do your best to lessen the financial burden on him. If you’re in school, then go get a part-time job. If you already have a full-time job, then try to get a 2nd part-time job.
Like I said before, you have no idea how horrible your behavior was before. You’re still just as selfish as you were when you forced him to get married. Once again, you want to find a way to force your brother to do something that he doesn’t want to do. 
Your brother is a grown adult. You and your family didn’t give him a choice when it came to picking his wife. How about you leave him alone and let him decide whether or not he wants to keep the one you forced on him. Providing support to your adult brother on a decision he makes regarding his life…become familiar with this concept that seems to be totally foreign to you.
My bhabhi destroyed my brother's life and we don't know how to rebuild it. Need help?
You really need to leave this upto him atleast.. Dont intervene anymore as you made that mistake before..
Re: My bhabhi destroyed my brother’s life and we don’t know how to rebuild it. Need h
[quote="“Paheli00"”]
Totally agree..
If he was left alone to decide what HE wants he might actually have a chance at happiness..
Re: My bhabhi destroyed my brother's life and we don't know how to rebuild it. Need h
Nobody's defending the bhabi......they're just pointing out how the sister and father both ruined his life.
No doubt its her and her dad who ruined his life, but that doesn't negate the bhabhi's chawal'ness. She is, afterall, a gold digger and manipulative person.
I was referring to things like these .
[QUOTE]
Heck your bhabi is a victim herself b/c she was also talked into marrying a man who did not want to marry her! I can only imagine how hard it must've been for her knowing that her husband didn't marry her b/c he wanted her....but b/c her FIL and her "best friend" forced him into it!
[/QUOTE]
Re: My bhabhi destroyed my brother's life and we don't know how to rebuild it. Need h
first. You are a pathetic excuse for a sister
You manipulated ur brother into marrying your friend, not because of ur "childhood dream of your bestfriend being ur sister in law" but because u probably thougth that u, and ur family can be able to get things throught ur sister in law. You just mentioned that your sister in law helped u guys financially when you were younger. So u thought that you can use ur brothers earnings through her. Honestly, ur a terrible, horrible person. Your brother trusted you. If he listened to u guys and is trying to make it work, he was probably a good guy. Obvioulsy ur family got together and threw him into this mess. He has a right to say im never gonna get married again. Why would he want to? Its hard enough to deal with work, family, life in general with out a divorce on ur head. He is going to be angry at you guys for a long time, because, at the end of the day ur brother can only blame himself. He is in the UK, he is an adult, nobody put a gun to his head to marry her. He knew she was bad, but he did it anyway.
However, you guys talked him into doing it. Guaranteed that you guys probably told him once or twice, "hey nobody put a gun to ur head". Now he has to deal with his feelings and emotions by himself, because he can't trust you guys anymore, and he has to accept the fact that he is to blame for doing what you guys asked him to do.
Best you can do know is leave him alone, be nice to him, and let time take its course. He will and should always remember that you guys lead him down the wrong path for ur own selfish reasons.As for the girl, she got an abortion, she killed his kid. Its one thing to get mad, and ask to end a relationship, many people do it out of anger, but to go and put in the time, energy, and expense to file the correct paper work.... She wants to end it. and if your brother falls for her demands again, then his whole life will be about pleasing a neversatisfied wife. ITs gonna suck.
If he really wants to save the marrage, He should write a letter, telling her that he will get a separate place, BUT HE WILL NOT BUY HER JEWLERY, OR A NEW CAR. WITH THE ABORTION, AND FILLING PAPERS, HE LOST TRUST FOR HER, AND, MARRAGE IS A TWO SIDED, SHE NEEDS EARN BACK HER TRUST. HE IS WILLING TO GO HALF WAY.
She sounds like she is just so used to walking all over him. He needs to stand up for himself. Im sure once she reads that and sees that he is not going to go bring her back she will behave and come back and try to make it work. Your brother just spoiled her by falling for her demands. Look if she leaves him, fine he got his own place, atleast he wont lose out on jewlery and a car.
As a family, u ur mom and ur dad need to get off your lazy asses, and get some jobs, cut out the dish, cable, nahari, biryani, and live within your means. Funny thing is, that you tried to make yourselves more "PAKKA" and thought that by getting a wife that was on yourside, you guys would have more control over your brother. Either way if he stays married or divorces her, He is not going to be the same "innocent, giving" brother you once had.
I really, really, really hope you, ur dad and whoever else was involved in this get what you guys deserve. Truly, its a shame when one's immediate family is not trustworthy.
Im sorry for being mean, but u deserve it. you ruined his life, he's going through depression, its going to negatively affect his career, his social and personal wellbeing. If he does try to get married again, its going to be hard to get a girl that is unmarried, or a good girl. He himself can negatively impact his next marriage by treating his next wife the way he should have treated this one.
Re: My bhabhi destroyed my brother's life and we don't know how to rebuild it. Need h
you might consider having a heart to heart with your brother......
acknowledge your hand in the whole fiasco and apologize for your involvement.
let him know that you regret all that has happened and that you want to help him to rebuild his life.
tell him that no matter what decision he makes about his life, you will support him in it.
then follow through.
btw.....this message will need to be conveyed several times over......and you will probably have to walk the walk before he will truly believe you.
the path to healing is a difficult one for the person that has trampled someone's heart.
Re: My bhabhi destroyed my brother's life and we don't know how to rebuild it. Need h
@sweetequation No matter what happened, my brother should not lose his patience. If he can be patient with her for so long why can't be nice to us.he should be patient with us too, bcoz she was insincere but we are sincere to him and his own family. I want advice on how to ix my family's relationship with him P.s. i acknowledge and regret my mistake
You know what...I feel bad saying this but how could you?
How can you possibly ask him to be patient with you? How do you think you're in a position to ask anything of him at all?
I don't care who you are but you have no right asking him to do anything...divorce her or not to divorce her.
Your job as his sister is SIMPLY to be there if he needs you. Otherwise, stop interfering in his life and dictating what his actions should or shouldn't be according to your own standards which by your own admission aren't exactly the highest.
You don't get to do or say anything right now. You get to sit there and lend him a shoulder to cry on and if that means YOU have to be patient with HIM for a change - because so far its been the other way around - then so be it. Deal with it.
My bhabhi destroyed my brother's life and we don't know how to rebuild it. Need help?
Farah - you are not helpless! Can you get a job? We all need to stop focusing on ourselves and our well being....you and your father hand picked a girl that you felt will solve your problems. she may have fell for it Bc your brother was handsome. But she walking into a horrible situation . Your father needs help for his gambling! This stupid desi mentality that parents deserve to be happy at any cost. To the hell with everybody else. Read Quran and go to darse. Ppl force their children to marry spouse that will make their lives better. Their is nothing wrong with that as long as marriage doesn't suffer Bc of them. Some Parents/children need to stop SO DAMN SELF CENTERED. If you are a halfway decent person let your brother have another chance with his wife without the added burden of sorting out dysfunctional families problem.
Public service message - please look at families stability before marrying into there . Sounds like your brother was good looking and your bhabi fell for his good looks but your family situation was not good.