Re: My bhabhi destroyed my brother's life and we don't know how to rebuild it. Need h
Yep i regret my mistake and am trying to apologise to my depressed bro who is blaming us.
Re: My bhabhi destroyed my brother's life and we don't know how to rebuild it. Need h
Well it's clear your brother needs to divorce this woman. If he has any assets he must transfer ownership into your mothers name or someone he trusts. So, she has no first right on them.
Then stop taking advice of you plus father
Hopefully after a while he can find a wife who will appreciate him.
Re: My bhabhi destroyed my brother's life and we don't know how to rebuild it. Need h
Yes. I think my brothers' marriages failing is a family trait of fate. My mother and her sisters were also married to bad men and had to put up with life.
Re: My bhabhi destroyed my brother's life and we don't know how to rebuild it. Need h
I told u, our families were really close. Her family had helped us in times of need when our dad would abandon us for days. The racism from her father only came after his extended family's gossip changed his mind on inter racial marriages.
also, sorry for the title.
Re: My bhabhi destroyed my brother's life and we don't know how to rebuild it. Need h
I told u, our families were really close. Her family had helped us in times of need when our dad would abandon us for days. The racism from her father only came after his extended family's gossip changed his mind on inter racial marriages. also, sorry for the title.
No need to apologise to me. I'm just a stranger. Giving advice.
Your treatment of your dad should be neutral. Let him do what he wills.
Don't you have your own extended family who could help?
Re: My bhabhi destroyed my brother's life and we don't know how to rebuild it. Need h
My nanyal was in Canada, we hadn't met for than 2 decades. If they could do anything for my brother, they would have done something for my struggling mother who was going through hell all those years. But my mamoos and nano and nanaboo did not want to interfere with our dad, already one of my khalas had been divorced by her husband for jahez issues. They believe it is against the tradition of shurufa to talk in favour of a daughter to her husband and in-laws. Yes their views are outdated but that is their way of thinking. And my dad's side of the family is part of the problem.
Re: My bhabhi destroyed my brother's life and we don't know how to rebuild it. Need h
Oh dear.... I see...
Re: My bhabhi destroyed my brother's life and we don't know how to rebuild it. Need h
.....They believe it is against the tradition of shurufa to talk in favour of a daughter to her husband and in-laws.....
never heard of or ever seen that kinda shorafa tradition and i am from Lucknow, known for tehzeeb. they do talk to the hubby and in-laws in a shareefaana andaaz and of course do NOT engage in muGhallizaat [abusive language]...indeed shorafaa settle their difference with mohazzab manner and they have to. i dunno what shorafa tradition your parents are talking about...how else would a shareef person solve an issue with sasuraalis?
Re: My bhabhi destroyed my brother's life and we don't know how to rebuild it. Need h
Don't know how it is in Lucknow, but in middle-class Pakistani society a girl's family sees the damaad and his family as superior, ppl in Pakistani society will go out of their way to serve the damaad and it is thougjt that a girl's family is shareef for bowing their heads down and not standing up for their rights,
Re: My bhabhi destroyed my brother’s life and we don’t know how to rebuild it. Need h
[quote=“Farah_Dar, post:100, topic:272481”]
My father was a gambler(former accountant, then switched to driving taxis) and used to force my mother to give him money paid into her bank account from the government [social security]. When there was no government money he used to force my mother to ask for money from friends or relatives. We had a hard time paying for household necessities including rent, groceries, bill etc.
You knew your father well
a clever and greedy girl who was my childhood friend.
My brother objected to this marriage as he knew that she was greedy, selfish and really rude
Your brother knew this much about her so you must know more about her as u claim she was ur childhood friend.
What type of choice of friend u had, U call her your close friend
At that time me and her were pretty close-we were best friends - and I literally helped my father to get my brother married to her against his will.
You knew both your father and your dearest friend well
I knew everything about her but I still wanted my best friend to become related to me..
this proves that you cared for her more than your brother
**I now regret this mistake. **
what good this will do now, you first threw him in fire and now u **regret. **I dont believe this
She and her father were very rude to my brother, as we are of a different ethnicity to them - they are Pathan [Pashtus originally from Afghanistan] and we are ethnically Kashmiri from the Pakistani side but originally from the Indian side-Baramulla [the problems arising due to differences in lifestyle
as being a childhood friend you should might have knew about her family too ,
The way i see you brother is really one unlucky person who dint got a good father from the very start nor he had a good sister who care about him and at end a life partner…
the real name of this subject should be
I destroyed my brother’s life and now i regret and i dont know how to rebuild it. Need help?
There is a part of him that tells him to get rid of her and another part of him that says no -he has a strange reason. he says he doesn’t want to remarry as he is no longer a bachelor and does not want to go around with the marital status of being ‘divorced’.He is unsure of what to do, we need advice on what he should do???
He is a nice person, there is nothing wrong with him
Also, my brother has also started having temper tantrums lately and he accuses all of us [except my mother] in having a hand in this marriage in the first place. He constantly blames us, puts up angry stares, shouts at us constantly and makes snide remarks about all of us. He’s become a miserable wreck. What can be done to cool him down?He also says that he will never marry again if he gets divorced. My mother is deeply hurt by this as she wants him to have a normal and happy life with children of his own
what else you can expect from a person who is toyed so badly by his own family members. Even this is a normal behavior
I will not say more about you cause i know you can find better words for yourself but regarding helping this situation. I am thinking as if i were you.
First you have done enough already now u should stay away from his life, what is done is done you cant change the past nor u can end up his suffering. What i suggest u is that you first of Pray with all your heart, do tobah for what u did and pray for both brothers and ask Allah to show you and your family the right way.
There are times when we cant do nothing nor we can find any way out, no hope, but when we turn to Allah, Allah shows us miracles and help us out in such a way that we cannot even imagine.
Put all your faith in Allah now and be patience. I will also pray for you and your family. May Allah help you live a life without regrets and full of happiness.
forgive me if i have harsh but honestly for once i imagine this happening with my own brother and couldnt bare this for even a second.
Re: My bhabhi destroyed my brother's life and we don't know how to rebuild it. Need h
my dad forced him into marrying a clever and greedy girl who was my childhood friend. My brother objected to this marriage as he knew that she was greedy, selfish and really rude **but my father was hoping that she would control my brother due to her cunningness and by controlling my brother my father would have a hold onto all the money earned by my brother [my dad knew that my brother will never give him a cent because of my father's gambling habits] as he and that girl were pretty close.At that time me and her were pretty close-we were best friends - and **I literally helped my father **to get my brother married to her **against his will. **I knew everything about her **but I still wanted my best friend to become related to me.
Your father is a terrible man (I can think of a few other words to describe him but I'll remain civil). And you are a pathetic excuse for a sister. Your brother has every right to be absolutely FURIOUS with the two of you because it was YOU and your FATHER that destroyed his life! You can regret your stupidity all you want....but no amount of regret on your part is going to make things better for your brother.
Your bhabi didn't change her personality after the marriage. She was greedy and selfish before the marriage......something which YOU were totally aware of. And she continued to be herself after marriage. Heck your bhabi is a victim herself b/c she was also talked into marrying a man who did not want to marry her! I can only imagine how hard it must've been for her knowing that her husband didn't marry her b/c he wanted her....but b/c her FIL and her "best friend" forced him into it!
Not only were you a terrible sister to your brother...but you were equally terrible to your bhabi too as her best friend.
Re: My bhabhi destroyed my brother's life and we don't know how to rebuild it. Need h
Don't know how it is in Lucknow, but in middle-class Pakistani society a girl's family sees the damaad and his family as superior, ppl in Pakistani society will go out of their way to serve the damaad and it is thougjt that a girl's family is shareef for bowing their heads down and not standing up for their rights,
respect and love and underhandedness is true but parents of the girl must always talk to them on their daughter's behalf. it's beyond me that parents will allow abuse to be carried on their daughters and not say a word or confront them in a polite way in the beginning.
well, it's your family's personal matter so we can't say much about it. wish you guys all the best.
Re: My bhabhi destroyed my brother's life and we don't know how to rebuild it. Need h
Brother/sister you are absolutely right. What you are saying is true 'sharafat' but unfortunately Pakistani society doesn't share ur view. this is why pakistani women of my mum's generation were so easily abused, their families dis not support them.
Re: My bhabhi destroyed my brother's life and we don't know how to rebuild it. Need h
Brother/sister you are absolutely right. What you are saying is true 'sharafat' but unfortunately Pakistani society doesn't share ur view. this is why pakistani women of my mum's generation were so easily abused, their families dis not support them.
sorry to hear about that and i'll leave it at that. Good Luck...may Allah BLESS you all...aameen
My bhabhi destroyed my brother's life and we don't know how to rebuild it. Need help?
Your brother is correct in blaming all of you in enforcing this marriage for selfish reasons. Even you knew what she was like but wanted it for your own reasons.
However; tell your brother to take this divorce as a blessing. What happens after remains to be seen, but people do remarry after divorce and live happy normal lives. He is lucky there are no kids involved, perhaps that is another blessing from God. There is no excuse to remain in this marriage of misery; especially if the girl is not willing. So if she is asking for a divorce, theres no need to think twice about it; give it to her already!
Re: My bhabhi destroyed my brother's life and we don't know how to rebuild it. Need h
I think you need to evaluate your role here before you start blaming your bhabi.
You put the bad apple in the bunch and now you're mad its there?
Anyway, your brother is grieving and mourning.
He will go through a VERY rough period of time before he becomes close to normal.
He is probably going to divorce her - he'll have to.
And you - you need to make up for what you and your father did to him. You forced him into a loveless marriage. Now he is stuck between saving his marriage or being free - neither of which he wants.
Re: My bhabhi destroyed my brother’s life and we don’t know how to rebuild it. Need h
Okay I absolutely hate it when OPs don’t reply or even acknowledge the posts of people who are actually making sense. 
Stop acting like the victim and read/reply to what sweetequation and Paheli have said.
Re: My bhabhi destroyed my brother's life and we don't know how to rebuild it. Need h
Yes my dad ruined all our lives. But my bhabhi was the one who destroyed the rest of it for her own greed.
But you were also a part of it right? You said you sided with your Dad in getting your brother marry your BFF...What kind of a sister are you?
Re: My bhabhi destroyed my brother's life and we don't know how to rebuild it. Need h
I said I regret my mistake. I was still living with my childhood dreams of having a rishta with my BFF. I was nadaan. I made a mistake.
Re: My bhabhi destroyed my brother's life and we don't know how to rebuild it. Need h
I made a mistake. I am sorry for my actions. I was nadaan then and was living with my childhood dreama of getting my Bff as my bhabhi