Re: My baby's 1st b-day
wow I'm surprised you let your FIL do whatever he likes with YOUR child
I am surprises over myself too. If it was my own dad I would have told him off. I feel that FIL takes the freedom to do whatever he wants with regards to my child thinking that it is his grandchild and the fact that FIL helps out at home a lot but being helpful doesnt give him the power to decide things on my behalf and he cant continue to do so. I want my life back!!!!!!!!!
Re: My baby's 1st b-day
I am surprises over myself too. If it was my own dad I would have told him off. I feel that FIL takes the freedom to do whatever he wants with regards to my child thinking that it is his grandchild and the fact that FIL helps out at home a lot but being helpful doesnt give him the power to decide things on my behalf and he cant continue to do so. I want my life back!!!!!!!!!
you have to say that you as a parent don't want him to discipline because he'll (the child) be confused who the parent is.
As for your birthday party concern why don't you invite your family over. Its not his decision to make or is it?
Do you live with your inlaws?
Re: My baby's 1st b-day
Chameli, not to harken back to your past posts, but actually yes to harken back to your past posts.
You have a pattern of being a martyr. Of complaining how everyone does you wrong despite the efforts that you put into every relationship - you seem to have nothing to show for it. I don't understand how/why you let others walk all over you and make decisions about your life. Stop being so passive in all of your relationships and take a stand for yourself and this case for your child.
The fact that your FIL hit your child is unacceptable and for you to allow it means you share responsibility. The child is an innocent who can't defend himself - you're the mother it's your job to do that. Birthday parties are less of an issue, protecting your child's physical and emotional well-being should be your main concern.
Re: My baby's 1st b-day
Does he really hit your child, or is it a soft tap at the back?
Re: My baby's 1st b-day
Chameli, not to harken back to your past posts, but actually yes to harken back to your past posts.
You have a pattern of being a martyr. Of complaining how everyone does you wrong despite the efforts that you put into every relationship - you seem to have nothing to show for it.
I don't understand how/why you let others walk all over you and make decisions about your life. Stop being so passive in all of your relationships and take a stand for yourself and this case for your child. The fact that your FIL is unacceptable and for you to allow it means you share responsibility. The child is an innocent who can't defend himself - you're the mother it's your job to do that. Birthday parties are less of an issue, protecting your child's physical and emotional well-being should be your main concern.
This is the first time FIL has stayed with us. I wanted to make his stay nice and comfortable and had a postive attitude towards him. I felt that he doesnt like to be told when he is wrong so I stopped telling him with regards to home stuff not my child. The hitting thing has just occured lately and I didnt want to make a scene of it when things are so crazy from before so I have spoken to my husband and asked what to do.
Next time FIL hits I will tell him off.
After having posted here I have realized that the main issue is that I due to my tiredness havent taken any stand and FIL has gotten more and more space to influence things.
Re: My baby's 1st b-day
Does he really hit your child, or is it a soft tap at the back?
If he was hitting him hard I wont have time to post here as I wold have created a drama here!!he slaps him in the back but its not so soft hence I feel its hitting
Re: My baby's 1st b-day
i may sound harsh or rude whatever but here it is..........
there is a lady in my family some how due to some problems his huby n bro had a big big fight n tht lady was stopped from seeing his brother she agreed since his bro was at fault. anyhow years later, their other siblings's child was getting married n thn there was whole issue who will attend the wedding since both dont want to c eachother, n finally the lady took a step n she said she l come wth her kids but huby will not come in order to avoid any bad thing on wedding.
so the conclusion is have a party n if ur FIL thinks tht MIL will create a mess ask him to come alone dont bring his wife,if single person is causing a problem avoid him or her.
u cant simply escape this things bc in future when ur kids will be getting married of course u will celebrate u cant avoid or cancel or whatever the wedding just bc ur MIL creates fuss.
Re: My baby's 1st b-day
This is the first time FIL has stayed with us. I wanted to make his stay nice and comfortable and had a postive attitude towards him. I felt that he doesnt like to be told when he is wrong so I stopped telling him with regards to home stuff not my child.** The hitting thing has just occured lately and I didnt want to make a scene of it **when things are so crazy from before so I have spoken to my husband and asked what to do.
Next time FIL hits I will tell him off.
.
Are you frigging kidding me??!! Your child, who is less than 1 years old, is slapped on his back and you don't say anything b/c you don't want to "create a scene"?!! Even though as his mother you felt the behavior was inappropriate? Why does your husband need to tell you what to do when it comes to a 3rd party slapping your child on the back?! You're not capable of defending your own child as the mother?!
For some reason I was thinking you lived with your in-laws....hence you FIL actually believing that he has the power/right to tell you that you can't invite your family for your child's 1st bday. Now I realize from this post that your FIL doesn't live with you!!!
You seriously need to grow up and start putting your child first. Have the bday part and invite whoever you want to invite. Why are you even discussing this with your FIL?! You and your husband decide and finalize details on the party and invite whoever you want to. Your husband can let his parents know that if they CHOOSE not to attend the party due to your family being there....then they will definately be missed and that you guys hope they can visit on a separate time soon after.
And for the sake of your child....stop worrying to frigging much about other people's feelings or not creating a scene. Your child should come first...PERIOD! If someone doesn't like how you want you child raised whether it comes to disciplining him or who to invite to his birthday party...then they don't have to come stay with you or attend the party.
Re: My baby's 1st b-day
Are you frigging kidding me??!! Your child, who is less than 1 years old, is slapped on his back and you don't say anything b/c you don't want to "create a scene"?!! Even though as his mother you felt the behavior was inappropriate? Why does your husband need to tell you what to do when it comes to a 3rd party slapping your child on the back?! You're not capable of defending your own child as the mother?!
For some reason I was thinking you lived with your in-laws....hence you FIL actually believing that he has the power/right to tell you that you can't invite your family for your child's 1st bday. Now I realize from this post that your FIL doesn't live with you!!!
You seriously need to grow up and start putting your child first. Have the bday part and invite whoever you want to invite. Why are you even discussing this with your FIL?! You and your husband decide and finalize details on the party and invite whoever you want to. Your husband can let his parents know that if they CHOOSE not to attend the party due to your family being there....then they will definately be missed and that you guys hope they can visit on a separate time soon after.
And for the sake of your child....stop worrying to frigging much about other people's feelings or not creating a scene. Your child should come first...PERIOD! If someone doesn't like how you want you child raised whether it comes to disciplining him or who to invite to his birthday party...then they don't have to come stay with you or attend the party.
FIL was invited by us to come over in February. he came over as a guest and has stayed here for several months and recently he declared that he is not gonna go back to his house which is in another city meaning that he is planning to live with us from now on.
he has taken over everything. I mean he should have asked how we feel about it or at least have talked about it....and he doesnt even let us discuss to buy a bigger house. We live in a 2 bedroom flat and I feel there is no privacy at all!!!
I agree that I should have taken a stand when he was slapping my baby's back. I feel bad I didnt do anything. time to stop being nice and stupid!!!!
Re: My baby's 1st b-day
i may sound harsh or rude whatever but here it is..........
there is a lady in my family some how due to some problems his huby n bro had a big big fight n tht lady was stopped from seeing his brother she agreed since his bro was at fault. anyhow years later, their other siblings's child was getting married n thn there was whole issue who will attend the wedding since both dont want to c eachother, n finally the lady took a step n she said she l come wth her kids but huby will not come in order to avoid any bad thing on wedding.
so the conclusion is have a party n if ur FIL thinks tht MIL will create a mess ask him to come alone dont bring his wife,if single person is causing a problem avoid him or her. u cant simply escape this things bc in future when ur kids will be getting married of course u will celebrate u cant avoid or cancel or whatever the wedding just bc ur MIL creates fuss.
If I have a big party and all my friends and my family comes but my MIL isnt there literally EVERYONE will ask me why daddi sahiba hasnt come and those who dont know about her behaviour will get to know by those already know about it. I dont want family dynamics to be so visible to everyone so I really am frustrated
also during this postI have realized other issues with reg to FIL and my own issues of not being able to take a stand. Due to extreme fatigue in the first 10 months of motherhood some of the parenting have been outsourced to FIL unconciously. Thank you GS members for your feedback!its time to get my life back!!!
Re: My baby’s 1st b-day
Exactly what I thought. So a soft pat on the back it is then.
But a pat on the back is not the same as hitting. You have already portrayed your FIL as a childbeater The way ypou are telling your story sounds as if he is an abuser 
Now I can imagine that you dont like him patting your child on the back, that is a personal thing, no discussion about that. But you do not accuse someone of something that he/she does not do!
And I know exactly what kind of ‘slappings’ on the back you are talking about, again its not the point of disliking it or not, but that is NOT the same as hitting/abusing a baby.
Re: My baby’s 1st b-day
I never said he is a childabuser. Hitting and slapping is the same thing for me. If he was hitting hard then I wouldnt have put it here in the way I did. would have used stronger words for that…
but yeah I do get your point!!
Re: My baby's 1st b-day
weirdness
Re: My baby's 1st b-day
I never said he is a childabuser. Hitting and slapping is the same thing for me. If he was hitting hard then I wouldnt have put it here in the way I did. would have used stronger words for that...
but yeah I do get your point!!
I know you never said that he is a childabuser. But look again at what you have said in this thread.
If you went to the police with this story, your poor FIL would be having a problem by now.
And I am sorry, dont know about the MIL thing, but this FIL thing sounds like a overreactyed far stretched story.
Re: My baby's 1st b-day
uh its an overreaction? really?
I still dont understand how he can over stay his stay and the MIL doesn't come and get him...
confused ;(
Re: My baby's 1st b-day
In urdu I would have said ke wo mere baby ko thapki maarte hai.
not thappar but thapki...aur wo bhi ghusse me baat karte hue
Re: My baby's 1st b-day
uh its an overreaction? really?
I still dont understand how he can over stay his stay and the MIL doesn't come and get him...
confused ;(
She calls daily and asks him to return but he has recently told her that he isnt coming back. so MIL is pissed that we havent invited her over yet....its ust a matter of time and she will be here too!!!!!
Re: My baby's 1st b-day
She calls daily and asks him to return but he has recently told her that he isnt coming back. so MIL is pissed that we havent invited her over yet....its ust a matter of time and she will be here too!!!!!
invite her
and let her drag him out lol
if he wants to leave her he has to divorce her XD
Re: My baby's 1st b-day
uh its an overreaction? really?
I still dont understand how he can over stay his stay and the MIL doesn't come and get him...
confused ;(
Yes it is an overreaction. I don't care about the fact that he stays at her house. He is staying at his son's and daughter-in-law's place. That is their own personal matter.
What bothers me, is the use of words when describing something.
What Chameli said is not the same as hitting.
Re: My baby's 1st b-day
In urdu I would have said ke wo mere baby ko thapki maarte hai.
not thappar but thapki...aur wo bhi ghusse me baat karte hue
See from hitting we went to thapki. We are almost there, hang on.
Now the gussay mein baat karte hue. Could you explain that a little more/