Muslims Gone Wild....After Marriage!!

Lifestyle Relationships
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Ok well maybe not “wild” but they have definately changed after marriage.

Is it just me or is this happening all too often…people coming from a conservative, sometimes religious (but not strict) home changing after marriage?

I know a few people (male and female) who came from religious, conservative backgrounds. People that were not forced to follow the same beliefs, morals, and values as their parents but actually wanted to do so all on their own. They were involved with the MSA at uni, wore hijab because THEY wanted to, prayed 5 times a day etc etc and all of a sudden they get married and it all changes.

I know a few girls personally who wore hijab for several years and after marriage they took it off. It was shocking because I know they wore it because they wanted to not because they were told to and all of a sudden…

One girl not only took off her hijab but now has a dog in her home. She seems to love this dog more then her own family. She was so against having a dog in her home before. :konfused:

An ultra religious guy I know who wore a beard and was the VP of the MSA at uni married a non-muslim hispanic and named their first born Genevive…not that there is anything wrong with naming your child a non-muslim name but you dont see that often among religious Muslims.

oh and what about those that pick up some nasty habits (after marriage) like smoking, consuming alcohol, doing drugs, etc.

What’s going on? What went wrong?

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Re: Muslims Gone Wild....After Marriage!!

hmmmmm

well i know few ppl who have changed after they got married.....

a guy has gone soo religious after getting married...he's got a beard n all, a girl has gone religious and started wearing a h ijab after she got married....

but ppl who change the opposite way to the above like keeping a dog and taking off thei hijabs, maybe starting to wear other types of clotheing etc.....the only reason that can be is coz maybe there doing all wot they wern't allowed to do before they got married, now that they have a husband, and only if he restricts them, otherwise there kinda free to do wot their like....

dunno really....

a girl i know is sooo depressed after getting married, shes started to smoke.....and none of her family members know including her husband...

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Re: Muslims Gone Wild....After Marriage!!

I came from a background where they had more than a dozen dogs at home , but now I am against having a dog at home. I came from a background where my mother wore burqa but wife does not wear hijab.
Alhumdulillah I and my family try our best to pray 5 times . Whatever traits of a religious Muslim you are looking are not the ones you are looking for in a Muslim.
Being a good Muslim demands much more than that.
The real traits to be good Muslim are , to have a strong belief in Allah , following the Sunnah of Prophet (SAW) as much as possible, not to be fanatic about the religion. Care for fellow humans as taught by Allah and his Prophet(SAW). Wearing hijab does not make anyone good Muslimah or having a dog as a pet does not make someone a weak Muslimah. Marrying a Spanish girl and giving kid a non Arab name does not make this guy a weak Muslim either. By the way most Muslim names come from Arabic or Persian it does not necessarily make them Muslim names.

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Re: Muslims Gone Wild....After Marriage!!

^^

well sed...

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Re: Muslims Gone Wild....After Marriage!!

Based on my observation, I have seen people become better after marriage.

I can understand when a muslim takes advantage of their new found freedom after marriage if they came from a strict background or were forced to do something they dont believe in but in these instances the girls chose to do hijab on their own (most of their moms dont even do it).

That's so sad@ girl who started smoking :(

Which is why I said that there is nothing wrong with choosing a non-muslim/non-arab name.

I agree with most of what you said...

In my post I wasnt saying that the person that decides to takes off their hijab or owns a dog is a weak muslim....but it certainly doesnt make them into a better muslim either.

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Re: Muslims Gone Wild…After Marriage!!

:konfused:

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Re: Muslims Gone Wild....After Marriage!!

Its funny I was chatting to this window cleaner yesterday.He is a black guy and has split up from his girlfriend and has a couple of kids. He was telling me that he was never going to date an English lady and would prefer to date someone from elsewhere, maybe eastern europe or something.

I think its just something about the system and culture here that gets to the head of some people, and has a negative impact. Although it does seem strange why someone should stop wearing a hijab when they 'chose' to wear it earlier on.

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Re: Muslims Gone Wild…After Marriage!!

:konfused: what part dont you understand?

meaning…u arent weak but you arent improving yourself either. Isnt that what we should strive for…constant improvement?

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Re: Muslims Gone Wild....After Marriage!!

because they 'choose' to not wear it now?

first off, it's not often u see peoples' lifestyles changing drastically after marriage. now, if someone does want to change, let them, and stop 'tang urana' in their business. i am sure if someone came in here to discuss 'ur' lifestyle, u would be angry because it's none of their business what u do or don't do.

i personally think our people would be sooooo much better off if they stopped pointing fingers at others, and started doing whatever is necessary to make themselves into better persons. cuz, no one, afterall, is perfect!

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Re: Muslims Gone Wild....After Marriage!!


why not?
I wouldn't agree with this point. Its just like saying if a book have certain cover then it will have better story otherwise its not worth a read. Yes, I know hijab is compulsory and dog is forbidden in Islam to keep as a pet but if someone doesn't wear hijaab or keep a dog doesn't make him/her less great of a muslim compare to the one who doesn't do all of the above.

I would give my own example: I used to wear hijab. I had it on for I believe 2 years and after that I took it off. I was never pushed by my parents - infact they were happy. I did all by my own but time came I had to take it off and I did. Did that affect my personality? Yes. Did it affect me on being a muslim better or worst? Yes. People and my frens also questioned and were confused about my this action and in their eyes I was also changing from Good to Bad.

To be honest I didnt care that time what people will think and to tis very day I still don't care because I believe I have gained so much as a muslim now compare to before even though wearing hijaab was my choice. Im not saying hijaab is bad but don't judge a person just based on hijaab - it can go both ways.

Moreover, changing after marriage - its just like changing for eachother [husband n wife] and really it should be between them. If they are happy with each other's change then let them be. Now, if they start going clubbing then I would be concerned.

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Re: Muslims Gone Wild....After Marriage!!

I personally can't think of anyone I know like, well not to that extreme anyway. I have heard of some instances where someone's level of deen changes, and this is mostly due to the influence of their spouse.

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Re: Muslims Gone Wild…After Marriage!!

oke wats wrong with it…cant religous ppl have fun when ther are married or is it taboe and only
moderate muslims are privilegd to conduct themsleves in everyway they want ..be it before marraige or after marriage..its not like these religious ppl are dion wat ‘‘modrates’’ havent done…give them a break please… :rolleyes:…

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Re: Muslims Gone Wild…After Marriage!!

hmmmm, people do change and their own personal beliefs willc hange over time. i think that’s inevitable.

i remember one of my cousins used to be very strict about covering up herself, while still being fashionable and all,but after she got married (and got pregnant within the nxt month) she really went in opposite direction and dressed however seh wanted to AND posted pictures of it. I’m not sayin anything :shrugs:

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Re: Muslims Gone Wild....After Marriage!!

Miicha: People do have the right to change, and nobody is interfering in their business, this is a general discussion. I can understand the difference between someone talking about me (which they are also entitled to do) and a general discussion about the actions of people which is not just personal to me.

If someone marries a women to based on his perception of her and then after marriage she changes, for the worse based upon someone else's opinion (which does happen) then are we not right to question and discuss that?

I do make an attempt to make myself a better person but that does not mean I cannot discuss and debate issues of the world, it does not mean that I cannot have opinions, it does not mean that I should not express these opinions.

I accept your right to express your opinions but please do not deny me the same right.

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Re: Muslims Gone Wild....After Marriage!!

I agree...one shouldnt judge based on hijab alone that wasnt my intention. It was the only example I could come up with.

The point of the thread was to find out what causes one to change period. I often see it happening. religion aside...

What about those who change their personality for the worse (ie stuck up, too defensive, materialistic)?

someone mentioned a girl who started smoking after marriage...i to know a guy like that...he started doing drugs as well.

what drives a person to become this way? you would think if they had values before that they would continue to have those same value after marriage.

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Re: Muslims Gone Wild....After Marriage!!

maybe something going on in their personal life that drives that to this level.

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Re: Muslims Gone Wild....After Marriage!!

AE, the simplest answer i could tell u is the spouse. We think, oh it's good for the marriage u two change for each other etc..but if ppl change for the better, it's equally likely that htey change for the worse thanks to their spouse. I feel that as long as they are both on the same level (even if they go clubbing together :p ) and happy with each other....then is it really any of our concern? it'd be different than if one spouse or the other changes alot (for hte "better" or "worse") then that can cause alot of conflict between them and threatens their marriage.

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Re: Muslims Gone Wild....After Marriage!!

i blv that 100%.....its the life experiences that changes a person and their behaviour...

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Re: Muslims Gone Wild....After Marriage!!

exactly I started this thread not to point fingers but to figure out why one changes in general.

If you want to marry a girl who wore hijab and you did and after marriage she took it off....what would become of that marriage?

When you marry someone based on their beliefs and values and they change after marriage into someone you dont even know or like...it's quite frightening in my opinion.

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Re: Muslims Gone Wild....After Marriage!!

agreed...if the changes are for each other (whether good or bad) and both are happy then so be it.

it's when the other is not pleased with these changes that problems occur.