Re: Muslim Marriage Crisis: MuslimMatters
And to clarify I don't have a brother, I have only a sister. And even amongst my cousins, they're mostly in Pakistan. Two are here in the states and one is still in grade school, and the other is the nincompoop from texas who managed to bag an engineer girl and only AFTER his engagement, his career picked up.
What is going on with everyone else's brothers? I just don't buy that girls don't have brothers in the states who grew up here like them.
Re: Muslim Marriage Crisis: MuslimMatters
Right now there are more men than women in Pakistan at least so unless we're going to start marrying off men with other men... Yeah.
Article is about US and she said ratio is 1:2.
Polygamy won't solve the issue but it does starts a debate :D
Re: Muslim Marriage Crisis: MuslimMatters
And to clarify I don't have a brother, I have only a sister. And even amongst my cousins, they're mostly in Pakistan. Two are here in the states and one is still in grade school, and the other is the nincompoop from texas who managed to bag an engineer girl and only AFTER his engagement, his career picked up.
What is going on with everyone else's brothers? I just don't buy that girls don't have brothers in the states who grew up here like them.
There is a massive gender inequality in how men and women are allowed to interact with the opposite gender. I've seen in so many families where boys are allowed to date, have prematial sex and bring in their own wives while their sisters are not allowed to even suggest such an idea.
The next generation of women are not going to wait around like their elders did for faux Muslim and cultural concerns. They're going to start aping Muslim men and then the Muslim world is going to judge these women for have no morals lol!
Re: Muslim Marriage Crisis: MuslimMatters
Article is about US and she said ratio is 1:2.
Polygamy won't solve the issue but it does starts a debate :D
Pehlay legalize to karwa lain :p
But no seriously. Is the nikkah even legal if you can't declare it to your government or even your neighbours. Like the second wife won't even have the privilege of being called to the guy's death bed or make life or death decisions regarding life support.
Re: Muslim Marriage Crisis: MuslimMatters
There is a massive gender inequality in how men and women are allowed to interact with the opposite gender. I've seen in so many families where boys are allowed to date, **have prematial sex **and bring in their own wives while their sisters are not allowed to even suggest such an idea.
The next generation of women are not going to wait around like their elders did for faux Muslim and cultural concerns. They're going to start aping Muslim men and then the Muslim world is going to judge these women for have no morals lol!
What?
The second paragraph - that's already happening.
Re: Muslim Marriage Crisis: MuslimMatters
What?
The second paragraph - that's already happening.
The excuse is boys will be boys and parents will look the other way if they hear rumours of a live in girlfriend. People think their sons are diy projects for their brides, that once they get a good wife she'll fix him up.
And yes, girls have gotten to that point.
I used to have a girl in my class whose brother had dated half the girls in our school. It was legit bizarre that he always went to the parties she wasn't allowed to. Like his parents had no moral restrictions to his behaviour so I don't even know they were trying so hard to push their daughter away. I guess if a guy has a reputation he can still marry respectably but the girl can't.
Re: Muslim Marriage Crisis: MuslimMatters
Hello All! this problem is not just in Muslim Communities alone, a town full of women looking for husbands! see for yourself:
Inside the Brazilian all-woman village desperate for men
Video: Inside the Brazilian all-woman village desperate for men - Telegraph
Re: Muslim Marriage Crisis: MuslimMatters
The excuses muslim men are writing in this comments of this article shows how archaic the thinking is of young muslim men brought up in the US.
I honestly think the guys from Pakistan are more progressive.
Read an interesting quote by Bilal Philips. Insightful as we look at this 'crisis'
"All too often people concentrate on finding the right spouse, little realizing that half of any marriage is being the right spouse"
Re: Muslim Marriage Crisis: MuslimMatters
I have to agree with D6c and X2.
The problems are entirely self created. Coupled with the exceedingly narrow minded checklist, the sort youd find in from some jaahil people back home.
Its true there are more ladies who are single but I find the ladies are a lot pickier too. I see many girls reject guys for reasons which are insanely frivelous and silly. Its not just girls. Parents have some stupid requests now too.
To illustrate, here are some examples of rejections girls have made that I know of; -boy is not a doctor -boy's dad drives a taxi even though boy has a good position -his sister is still unmarried -we can only marry from our caste -we only marry in the affluent -too tall/short/fat/thin -we dont marry shia (never heard a shia say this about a sunni, but thats a different issue) -they dont own their own business
I dont consider a single issue listed above to be an important factor when considering a life partner. Many families would have them all.
What people fail to realise is that its completely fine to have expectations but you are not in pakistan anymore. There arent enough pakistanis around for there still to be many left after options have been culled out for trivial requirements. But if theres one thing our people do better than anyone else, is complain.
This I agree with. It applies to both males and females. I believe men looking to get married have the upper hand.
Re: Muslim Marriage Crisis: MuslimMatters
or they could accept the invite from Syria like this article states western ladies going to Syria:
I wonder why don’t these Women realize these Men do not want to educate their daughters, it is like going back to pre-Islamic Arabia where they used to bury their daughters alive! they should rename this movement Pre-Islamic State of Jahils!
Islamic State recruiting women to ‘have kids and cook’
Islamic State recruiting women to ‘have kids and cook’ - LA Times
Re: Muslim Marriage Crisis: MuslimMatters
Another issue I noticed. (my friend's experience)
If the man has anything to do with driving profession,even if he works for transit, it's right away a no-no for Pakistanis. What?! Driver/Operator se shadi nahi kerni!
And these Girls want photo of the guy before anything else, so they can see if they like his photo or not. If they don't like the photo they don't bother.
If photo is approved, then things move further. They happily give out an email address on the phone to obtain photos of men, but won't give out their own photographs. Sometimes they're happy to refer you for one of their cousins or people they know, but not for themselves.
Traditionally, it was the men going to look at the girl and meet her family at their home. Now it's them wanting a photo first of all when there is
any proposal (this is true in Canada to a big extent). Sort of like window shopping for a husband. Majority of the parents/girls are doing this. Not all, but many are. Then they cry about lack of rishta's in the community.
Seems the desi movies and dramas have spoiled these people a lot. In the end they all flock to Pak to find a suitable rishta. In Pak the girl or her parents do not ask for photographs though....
Secondly, the regional divide too. Karachi people won't marry Punjabis and vice versa.
They don't like to marry someone who rents an apartment, who doesn't own a big home with double garage already.
Re: Muslim Marriage Crisis: MuslimMatters
What is wrong with girl asking a photo? If it is okay for a guy to make decision based on a photo then why not for a girl?
Re: Muslim Marriage Crisis: MuslimMatters
Haha this post made my day. Esp men getting annoyed a women judging them on their pictures. 
Re: Muslim Marriage Crisis: MuslimMatters
What is wrong with girl asking a photo? If it is okay for a guy to make decision based on a photo then why not for a girl?
I haven't been through this process yet bur I don't have a problem with the girl making decisions based on looking at the picture. But what I do have problem with is the guy emails his pic/info and if the girl didn't like it, she doesn't even reply back. At least send an email or something like 'we won't be a good fit' or 'busy with school/not ready' etc. Just not replying at all is bad imo. And it goes both ways. If the guy or his family doesn't like the girl, there is no point in keeping them hanging. Just call them and tell them politely (without pointing out whatever flaws) that they don't feel 'compatible' 'clicked', 'not ready' etc.
Re: Muslim Marriage Crisis: MuslimMatters
I have been through the process, guys don't reply either. If they do reply, it is hardly ever put nicely. Honestly, I prefer no reply over an unthoughtful reply.
Re: Muslim Marriage Crisis: MuslimMatters
This also happens in the West so perhaps the issue isn’t religion centric.
Re: Muslim Marriage Crisis: MuslimMatters
What is wrong with girl asking a photo? If it is okay for a guy to make decision based on a photo then why not for a girl?
If it works both ways and the girls (many desi girls do here) shouldn't have their heads stuck up their a$$$ like they are a gift to mankind from God.
I would also add that people also to remember that the pressure is not that great in the West, as the girls can always get out of their families and live a single life. It is much harder in Pakistan, so girls are forced into marriage. Look at the amount of single non-muslim women and you won't have that rub on the "desi" girls ?
Re: Muslim Marriage Crisis: MuslimMatters
Dating scene in the American community is pretty rough too. There are a LOT of women not marrying and not having babies in the States to the point that there is estimated to be this education bubble that will pop. We're not going to have enough babies so in the future, not enough students to fill the college spots in the US, and all those for-profit type colleges that don't really provide you a real productive education are gonna find themselves in serious crap.
They're not even hiring new professors that much in anticipation of this.
That's how bad the dating situation is in the West in general.
And I don't get it. Is it really that we women getting educated are overall creating more spinsterhood by having unrealistic expectations of guys?
sighz I guess we do see more often aunties hooked up by undesirable uncles who are just putting up with their marriages, than we do in the younger generation. How many fugly married uncles have you guys seen, vs. young guys who are bad catches getting married (unless they're doctors).
Re: Muslim Marriage Crisis: MuslimMatters
I haven't been through this process yet bur I don't have a problem with the girl making decisions based on looking at the picture. But what I do have problem with is the guy emails his pic/info and if the girl didn't like it, she doesn't even reply back. At least send an email or something like 'we won't be a good fit' or 'busy with school/not ready' etc. Just not replying at all is bad imo. And it goes both ways. If the guy or his family doesn't like the girl, there is no point in keeping them hanging. Just call them and tell them politely (without pointing out whatever flaws) that they don't feel 'compatible' 'clicked', 'not ready' etc.
agree, both sides must be decent enough to at least let the party know they're not interested.
Secondly, this makes it seem that everything depends on that photograph. Anything else doesn't matter. The guy/girl has to be movie-star looking.
Otherwise its a rejection right away. Even if it could've been a good match, but no s/he has to look like a filmstar like in a dreamworld.
Other option left is to go to Pakistan, where this photo thing doesn't really matter and things can be done more traditionally and with more ease.