I have a boy who will be graduating from high school in two years. Then I am raising a daughter in USA she is too young to worry about it now , but eventually I will have to face it.
I agree with Shikra to some extent. But I would say that why can’t we let them go to prom and we go as chaperon to make sure that they participate in this big event of their lives within some limits e.g just eat and drink anything which is halal for them to eat. Chit chat with their friends , make photos but when it is time for that dance that is where the ax drops. I am naive about what happens in proms all my information is acquired from movies or TV shows. The other day I went to drop my kid to participate in a charity event at local arena , where they were having a prom at some other halls.I saw some parents there. Do/Can parents go to prom ?
Re: Muslim boys or girls be allowed to go to prom ? Split: What are your summer plans
Now that there's a thread on this post, I would like to add a couple of clarifications:
When I went to my senior prom, I did not go with a date. I went with a group of Muslim guy friends. And yes, I agree with you, the parents/elders can go with the kids as chaperons to make sure nothing wrong takes place. I am not saying we should not allow kids to go to school dance whatsoever.
Re: Muslim boys or girls be allowed to go to prom ? Split: What are your summer plans
I believe it all starts at home. If the kid is tought the bad/good of everything from the start, he/she will make up their mind on what is right because they're the ones who know what's best, they're attending school, not you. I didn't attend my prom because I knew there would be the wild kind there. :D I mean these are high school kids we're talking about here, they have no control !!!!! Girls are flying high (if u know what I mean) and guys just can't control etc etc. Food, you will be lucky if you find halal food but anywho that's not the important part. As far as you being there, I am sure that your kid will not accept that one hundred percent! Would you allow your parents to be present while you were having a fun time with friends, I bet not. I was lucky alhamdulillah I got involved in our "MSA" (we didn't have an official one) we were a group of guys, started prayer room and others followed..etc so that saved me from hanging out with the halla gulla bunch (u know the no haya kind).. Anyways it's not to say the PROM is EVIL, I am sure your kid has decent friends who will go together as a group and just have a good time without participating in wrong activities. But do not worry, there is teacher presence (or so I am told)..
Re: Muslim boys or girls be allowed to go to prom ? Split: What are your summer plans
I have a boy who will be graduating from high school in two years. Then I am raising a daughter in USA she too young to worry about it now , but eventually I will have to face it.
I agree with Shikra to some extent. But I would say that why can't we let them go to prom and we go as chaprone to make sure that they participate in this big event of their lives within some limits e.g just eat and drink anything which is halal for them to eat. Chit chat with their friends , make photos but when it is time for that dance that is where the ax drops. I am naive about what happens in proms all my information is acquired from movies or TV shows. The other day I went to drop my kid to particiapate in a charity event at local arena , where they were having a prom at some other halls.I saw some parents there. Do/Can parents go to prom ?
this is where a little thing called TRUST comes in. If you raised them well with enough values, they won't dance or do the stuff that u see on TV and movies.
I see nothing wrong in getting dressed up and taking pictures and just hanging out with friends. Parents hanging around whlie you're doing that,, really might as well just NOT go at all.
Re: Muslim boys or girls be allowed to go to prom ? Split: What are your summer plans
To answer the 2nd part of your post: I didn't see parents on my prom but there were a lot of teachers, including the vice principal and the principal, to keep an eye on the prom environment. Kids behave in the prom. The problem was that most of the kids left after prom to go out to eat...........and then to downtown to their hotel rooms.
So yes, as a parent you can go, but depending on what kind of relationship you have with your child, you may unintentionally end up embarrassing the child.
Re: Muslim boys or girls be allowed to go to prom ? Split: What are your summer plans
I am not saying I will go . I have all the reasons to trust him till today. I have already told my son that I have no problem him having girls as friends , because he has girls in class. But I also told him that I will not like a girlfriend and he understands what it means. So the other day he and some classmates were making a movie for a school project at our house and around our neighborhood , there were girls also. The boys and girls were all modestly dressed as he has told his Friends at school what kind of dress code as Muslims we observe.
Re: Muslim boys or girls be allowed to go to prom ? Split: What are your summer plans
When you add the word Muslim, it is pertaining to the religion itself.
For a muslim boy or girl, Islamic teachings clearly forbid inter-mingling and inter-mixing of naa mehram genders specially in the pre-text of word "prom" ...
Rest, people always have strings of excuses and justifications... good for them.
Re: Muslim boys or girls be allowed to go to prom ? Split: What are your summer plans
I am not saying I will go . I have all the reasons to trust him till today. I have already told my son that I have no problem him having girls as friends , because he has girls in class. But I also told him that I will not like a girlfriend and he understands what it means. So the other day he and some classmates were making a movie for a school project at our house and around our neighborhood , there were girls also. The boys and girls were all modestly dressed as he has told his Friends at school what kind of dress code as Muslims we observe.
Re: Muslim boys or girls be allowed to go to prom ? Split: What are your summer plans
and what abt your daughter?
She is too young to worry about this. I have my trust in Allah , Alhumdulillah, I am sure Allah will not put me through a difficult test. She is already such a piaree guria , she is the wisest of all the siblings. I hope I might not have to have this discussions with her , Allah will Inshallah make it easy for me.
So much can happen from now and till then for example
I can move to a city where they have Islamic School which has high school classes.
She might herself tell me that she does not like to hang around boys.
My company transfers me to Pakistan during her high school years.
I will post Question in GS to ask advise from other parents and the young ones of that day and age it will be a decade before she will go to high school.:)
Re: Muslim boys or girls be allowed to go to prom ? Split: What are your summer plans
I'm fairly young (22), so my high school days aren't far behind me. I chose not to go to prom, just like I chose not to date in high school. My parents didn't have to guilt me into refraining from these activities with their religiosity. All they did was instill self respect into me. I learned to value myself above and beyond having sex, or getting frisky with boys. (I mention this because the fear I often see from parents is that their kids are going to do just this at prom or afterparties). Apart from one of my friends, the rest in my "click," did not go to prom, nor did any of us have a bf (I got a husband instead, hah!), until well into our college years. And these were white girls, who's parents were not Muslim, nor were they religious.
You can't guilt your children into thinking "your," way. That's to say, you're going to suffer later because of this action that you take now due to our religion. That's for them to decide. Otherwise, you're brainwashing them. Instead, teach them self respect and dignity. Once you've got that framework down, everything else falls into place. It's a MUCH healthier outlook.
*and no, parents should not go to prom. either you trust your kids or you don't. (and if you don't, you've got some serious issues that need to be addressed). At this age, your children are nearly adults (most are or are one year away from it). There's only so much time you have to guide a child. Beyond that, you become controlling. Provide them the best groundwork (real morals), and let them make their own mistakes. Otherwise, they'll likely rebel and get themselves hurt.
--teachers chaperon the events, parents should not be there.
Re: Muslim boys or girls be allowed to go to prom ? Split: What are your summer plans
As good as our parents train us, as much as we care about their trust in us, or how Allah SWT will judge our actions, we have to remember one thing; shaitan is always on the look out to divert us from the right path... increasing the external factors that may lead to a path of sin isn't helpful, it only makes things harder to remain muttaqi.
Letting our kids of adolescent ages to attend social gatherings where guys/ gals are dressed in their best (and for girls it usually means revealing more then normal) and expect shaitan to not plant a seed? prevention is better then cure no?
Re: Muslim boys or girls be allowed to go to prom ? Split: What are your summer plans
As good as our parents train us, as much as we care about their trust in us, or how Allah SWT will judge our actions, we have to remember one thing; shaitan is always on the look out to divert us from the right path... increasing the external factors that may lead to a path of sin isn't helpful, it only makes things harder to remain muttaqi.
Letting our kids of adolescent ages to attend social gatherings where guys/ gals are dressed in their best (and for girls it usually means revealing more then normal) and expect shaitan to not plant a seed? prevention is better then cure no?
There's prevention, and there's controlling. You have to let your children live life, while providing them the right morals at the same time. Kids will do what they want, regardless of what their parents tell them.
My parents didn't prevent me from doing much (though they did make it clear that they didn't want me bringing any boys around, which was quite fine with me considering how they raised me), and having been given that freedom I did not abuse it. The more pressure you put on someone, the more likely they are to try to break free of it.
Re: Muslim boys or girls be allowed to go to prom ? Split: What are your summer plans
There's prevention, and there's controlling. You have to let your children live life, while providing them the right morals at the same time. Kids will do what they want, regardless of what their parents tell them.
My parents didn't prevent me from doing much (though they did make it clear that they didn't want me bringing any boys around, which was quite fine with me considering how they raised me), and having been given that freedom I did not abuse it. The more pressure you put on someone, the more likely they are to try to break free of it.
I understand that. Nice to know that you managed to uphold your parents trust, but the point remain, not every kids thinks of their parents before they do indulge in a sin.
I have many, many examples around me where parents gave their kids freedom + telling 'em ke ham pakistani/ muslim haiN so no dating, that approach to these kids didn't work quite as well... I do not wish to go into detail but I will say it again, at a young age, shaitan sticks to us and bugs us from every angle... and most kids havn't reached the maturity required to decipher the good from the bad (read sin), that is why it is benificial to open doors which they may regret later.
I am not saying that every person who attends the prom turns out "bigrha hua", i'm just saying that its one of the many places where getting "bigrha-fied" is relatively easier.
Re: Muslim boys or girls be allowed to go to prom ? Split: What are your summer plans
Good thread Mirch. I think cricketplaya had a good idea of going with all male friends instead of going with a date. I know phatima just attended her prom with her friends too. I think its totally doable. But hten again i didnt go to high school in the US nor do i have kids yet.
Re: Muslim boys or girls be allowed to go to prom ? Split: What are your summer plans
If you train your children on Islamic values ,they will never prefer it to go themselves.ALLAH ham sab ki madad karey and ham apnay bachon ko aisi training dein ke woh khud hi is qabil hon ke ghalat cheezon mein naa parein ameen.