im so confused..
BBC NEWS | World | South Asia | Pakistan rape victim gets married
Re: Mukhtar Mai marries to save a marriage
crap..
Re: Mukhtar Mai marries to save a marriage
such a naive reason
Re: Mukhtar Mai marries to save a marriage
hmmm,yes,that's such a naive reason
Re: Mukhtar Mai marries to save a marriage
lol. she should have used her 15 minutes to get some education.
Re: Mukhtar Mai marries to save a marriage
ISLAMABAD, Pakistan — Mukhtar Mai, the resilient Pakistani who was gang raped in 2002 on the orders of a village council but became a symbol of hope for voiceless and oppressed women, has married.
In a telephone interview on Tuesday, Ms. Mukhtar, 37, said her new husband is a police constable who was assigned to guard her in the wake of the attack and who has been asking for her hand for several years. She is his second wife.
She said the constable, Nasir Abbas Gabol, 30, and she married Sunday in a simple ceremony in her dusty farming village, Meerwala, in the southern part of Punjab Province.
“He says he madly fell in love with me,” Ms. Mukhtar said with a big laugh when asked what finally persuaded her to say yes.
Pakistani rape victims often commit suicide, but Ms. Mai instead successfully challenged her attackers in court, winning international renown for her bravery. She runs several schools, an ambulance service and a women’s aid group in her village and has written an autobiography. By marrying, she has defeated another stigma against rape victims in the conservative Pakistani society.
The village council ordered her rape as a punishment for actions attributed to her younger brother. He was accused of having illicit relations with a woman from a rival clan, but later investigations revealed that the boy had himself been molested by three of those clan’s tribesmen, and the accusation against him had been a cover-up.
Mr. Gabol was one of a group of police officers deployed to protect her after she was threatened by the rapists’ relatives to try to stop her from pressing charges.
Mr. Gabol had a hard time persuading Ms. Mukhtar to marry. He had been calling her off and on since 2003 but formally proposed a year and a half ago, she said. “But I told my parents I don’t want to get married.”
Finally, four months ago, he tried to kill himself by taking sleeping pills. “The morning after he attempted suicide, his wife and parents met my parents but I still refused,” Ms. Mukhtar said.
Mr. Gabol then threatened to divorce his first wife, Shumaila.
Ms. Shumaila, along with Mr. Gabol’s parents and sisters, joined forces to try to talk Ms. Mukhtar into marrying him, taking on the status of second wife. In Pakistan, which follows Islamic law, a man can legally have up to four wives.
It was her concern about Ms. Shumaila, Ms. Mukhtar said, that moved her to relent.
“I am a woman and can understand the pain and difficulties faced by another woman,” Ms. Mukhtar said. “She is a good woman.”
In the end, Ms. Mukhtar put a few conditions on Mr. Gabol. He had to transfer the ownership of his ancestral house to his first wife, agree to give her a plot of land and a monthly stipend of roughly $125.
Asked if she had plans to leave her village to live with her husband in his village, Ms. Mukhtar said no. “I have seen pain and happiness in Meerwala. I cannot think of leaving this place.”
Her husband, she said, “can come here whenever he wants and finds it convenient.”
http://www.nytimes.com/2009/03/18/world/asia/18mukhtar.html?_r=2&hp
Re: Mukhtar Mai marries to save a marriage
How herioc 
ooooooo a medal for her I say 
Re: Mukhtar Mai marries to save a marriage
When I read of the atrocities that take place in these tribal clans/villages, I feel disgusted at how far removed some of these people are from the teachings of Islam. In fact, you don't even need to have much Islamic knowledge to know that the punishments these tribal clans come up with are unjust and absurd; all you need is common sense and a working conscience to come to such a realization.
I've read about men getting in trouble with a rival clan and in an effort to avoid punishment they get their young sisters married to old men....or as compensation their sister is raped. What does a innocent woman/sister have to do with a crime committed by someone else...even if it is her own brother? Why should she have to give such a horrible sacrifice? Often times, it's the women who are treated in such a degrading manner. If a woman falls in love with a guy, she is killed; how pathetic! In Islam we are each accountable for our sins. We don't believe that any innocent person (male, female, prophet) should have to die/or suffer for our disgusting sins. When will such people develop sense.....such stories are beyond disgusting.
And this guy that Mukhtar Mai has married...I don't trust him. I wish Mukhtar Mai the best for a happy marriage but I don't like the sound of her husband. His suicide attempts and how he threatened his previous wife with divorce as a form of emotional blackmail KINDA makes him seem a bit** UNSTABLE**!
Re: Mukhtar Mai marries to save a marriage
I feel bad for his 1st wife having to deal with such a loser. Ya ya, poor fellow is in love and all. She should have just divorced him, but again, it isn't easy living alone as a woman in Pakistan, is it?
Re: Mukhtar Mai marries to save a marriage
^ That's exactly what I felt, Niksik. When I read that he threatened his first wife with divorce just because he fell in love, I felt disgusted and I thought "Man, this guy is unstable."
How can one so easily threaten their first wife with divorce? I mean you have HISTORY with your first wife and possibly children as well. She's been through all your ups and down and supported you through the good times and bad times. It's only natural for her to be hurt at the thought of her husband marrying again.
I don't think Islam requires that a man get his first wife's permission to marry a second wife. If he was that IN LOVE with this woman, he could have simply married her WITHOUT the threat of divorce to his first wife. Sheesh. I'm surprised that a woman like Mukhtar Mai who has been so brave and who has accomplished so much, would be naieve enough not to see that this guy is not so frickin stable!
I feel bad for his 1st wife having to deal with such a loser. Ya ya, poor fellow is in love and all. She should have just divorced him, but again, it isn't easy living alone as a woman in Pakistan, is it?
i think the issue more was to do with the guys sisters who were married to his first wives brothers (watta satta)
the brothers had threatened to divorce the guys sisters if he divorced their sister..
it was a bit complicated.
Having said that.. I dont think Mukhtar Mai did all that much. For years she has been fighting against abuse against women.. and in the end, she herself becomes victim, yet again.
Yes, she saved 3 women's marriages. But what does that mean? That any jerk can be rewarded his prize because he shouts and acts like a gorilla?
^ That's exactly what I felt, Niksik. When I read that he threatened his first wife with divorce just because he fell in love, I felt disgusted and I thought "Man, this guy is unstable."
How can one so easily threaten their first wife with divorce? I mean you have HISTORY with your first wife and possibly children as well. She's been through all your ups and down and supported you through the good times and bad times. It's only natural for her to be hurt at the thought of her husband marrying again.
I don't think Islam requires that a man get his first wife's permission to marry a second wife. If he was that IN LOVE with this woman, he could have simply married her WITHOUT the threat of divorce to his first wife. Sheesh. I'm surprised that a woman like Mukhtar Mai who has been so brave and who has accomplished so much, would be naieve enough not to see that this guy is not so frickin stable!
I really dont want to generalise... but how many marriages have you seen back in pakistan where a hubby truely values his wife? where they have an emotional and mental bond more than just one of a physical one to please teh guy at night?
having said that, i dont see THAT many women truely valueing their husbands either...
they dont discuss issues about their children, they dont discuss their future together.. I dont see any of it
Re: Mukhtar Mai marries to save a marriage
^ I wasn't saying that the guy shouldn't have married another woman. And I wasn't making generalizations about the husbands and wives in Pakistan or their marriages. I was criticizing the guy's approach to handling the situation. You are right however in the sense that we don't know how this guy's first marriage was. Perhaps his first marriage was dysfunctional with no mutual emotional connection whatsoever. Or perhaps his marriage was a healthy one and he then ran into a women he loved just as well as his wife and couldn't live without.
I was criticizing his approach in handling the situation (threatening wife with divorce and suicide attempt). A guy can get a second wife without threatening the first one with divorce. Assuming that their are kids from the first marriage....their well being needs to be considered. Kids need both parents and it's hard for a woman (even one who doesn't have a strong bond with her husband) to survive independently in Pakistan...and with the wonderful economy we have these days....Yikes!
Re: Mukhtar Mai marries to save a marriage
Oh I didn't know about all those chain of divorces that could have happened if Mr. Constable ji didn't get his hormones taken care of. That once agains proves what a sorry state of affairs exist in our society even today. And everyone gives in to that. It's a deeply interwoven web of barbarism if you ask me.
Well, we could give Mukhtara the benefit of doubt here but the husbands involved in this case...very disgraceful.
Sadzzz, yeah, relationships aren't really a whole lot I guess in that part of the community. It's sad.
Re: Mukhtar Mai marries to save a marriage
^ I think u got me wrong.. (Magic Ball)
i wasnt saying you generalised or anything.
You made a comment about how can a man just divorce his wife because they may have children or other emoitional attachments.. and I was just making a point how ive not seen many marriages that truely are based on the things you mentioned..
apologies for the miscommunication
Re: Mukhtar Mai marries to save a marriage
:) Oh the drama!
Re: Mukhtar Mai marries to save a marriage
^ :) thank u
i think the threat was actually towards Mukhtar mai.. the only way he could get her to marry him was to say he'd divorce his first wife... and that would create a domino affect..
I think Mukhtar mai had declined few times (hence the suicide attempts), so he resorted to threatening her..
Sick
Re: Mukhtar Mai marries to save a marriage
Well I say, good for her!
And him.
i think the issue more was to do with the guys sisters who were married to his first wives brothers (watta satta)
the brothers had threatened to divorce the guys sisters if he divorced their sister..
it was a bit complicated.
Having said that.. I dont think Mukhtar Mai did all that much. For years she has been fighting against abuse against women.. and in the end, she herself becomes victim, yet again.
Yes, she saved 3 women's marriages.** But what does that mean? That any jerk can be rewarded his prize because he shouts and acts like a gorilla?**
That's how I see it, he's being rewarded for trying to emotionally blackmail her. It's childish and pathetic and apparently he is/was a police officer.
^ That's exactly what I felt, Niksik. When I read that he threatened his first wife with divorce just because he fell in love, I felt disgusted and I thought "Man, this guy is unstable."
How can one so easily threaten their first wife with divorce? I mean you have HISTORY with your first wife and possibly children as well. She's been through all your ups and down and supported you through the good times and bad times. It's only natural for her to be hurt at the thought of her husband marrying again.
I don't think Islam requires that a man get his first wife's permission to marry a second wife. If he was that IN LOVE with this woman, he could have simply married her WITHOUT the threat of divorce to his first wife. Sheesh. I'm surprised that a woman like Mukhtar Mai who has been so brave and who has accomplished so much, would be naieve enough not to see that this guy is not so frickin stable!
It doesn't require first wife's consent (unless she has specifically written in her nikah contract he may not take another wife) but the first wife may choose to remove herself from the situation if she can't deal with it (regardless of if it has been mentioned in nikah contract) simply by divorcing him.