I was talking to this friend of mine yesterday and all of a sudden we came on kids topic. She has been married for about 2 years at this point and now couple is thinking of having a baby.
The first thing that came out of her mouth was “bas dua kar mujhee baita ho”
That pissed me off! I said you are a girl who will be giving birth to both boy and a girl inshallah -but here you are wishing for a son..
I can so see her acting like pure paindu desi aunty when she gets old..
she said its okay for her to wish for a son- I dont get it?
I know we were disussing this topic few weeks back but this is sad that a young generation of people still hold this mentality.
This friend of mine was raised here since the age of 3. Went through private schools all her life holds a BS degree..
Just to play devil's advocate (since your friend can't defend herself on Gupshup someone at least should argue for her), you are making assumptions as to why your friend said that.
I work with a Pakistani christian woman, who is the first to admit she was wild and liberal and still likes to think of herself as that way (for example, she only got married because her Pakistani christian husband's family was scandalised at their living together without being married etc etc etc etc.
Even this very liberal minded, very westernised woman once told me that she was glad that she had a son and not a daughter. Her reason? Simply because she knows what teenage guys can be like, and because she didn't have a daughter she knew that she wouldn't ever have to worry about some guy ever taking advantage of her child, or getting into any other kindof guy-related problems. (of course, she's assuming her son doesn't become gay, but that's a whole different story).
Nonetheless, the point is that you don't know why your friend said such a thing. Nor did you try and ask, to try and changeher mind about it.
I mean is that disallowed since there's a desi old mentality stereotype associated with it? Everytime we hear someone wanting a boy, we automatically think uhoh and shake our heads assuming how they are still stuck in the previous era. While it may not be so, it may just be a simple wish and nothing more than that.
And I'll say so myself, yes I want boys and girls.
I think one should wish for a healthy child and leave rest up to Allah. I don't hear anyone wishing for a girl that often.... isn't that still sitting back in early 1970's [etc].
I even remember when my brother was born he had this big huge haqeeqa party where for us girls there are 4 of us we just got a bakri each and family feast. [this is entirely a different issue *sigh]
What bothers me is this an educated woman would still wish for a boy. I am not saying wishing for a boy is a bad thing but sitting there and constantly making duas and asking others to do the same. isnt that wrong?
I know this friend also asked her mother - "ami ji dua karein baita ho hamein". Why?
All I’m saying is, lets not jump the bandwagon when someone wishes for a boy. Now your friend, who is asking everyone for prayers for a boy, did she tell you ‘why’ she’s so bent on having a boy? I think Maddy asked the same question.
so what if they want a son? its their preference. I want a son too, whats wrong with that, ne wayz i wudnt be disappointed if I had a girl. Ideally, i would have two sons and two daughters just like my parents .
I want boys too. Girls are trouble. Too many issues. Too much worries. Biological clock ticks too early. Gotta get her married early. Even after marriage, it's a headache. In-law, husband bullshiit. blech!! Men can take advantage of her. Emotional wreck...etc..etc...
with a boy, i can train the lad to be like me without the mother's help. it's easier.
with a boy, i can train the lad to be like me without the mother's help. it's easier.
if you raise her in a proper way to be a human and not a puppet that you "marry off " to whoever please you, you'll get less headches with inlaws and hubby, and also less headache from her resistance to being manipulated by you.
leave her free and she won't constantly try to lie to you to get the freedom you deny her:D (talking from experience)
girls and boys are not easy to raise because any human is different and no matter how hard we try our kids are not like us, just as we are not like our parents and siblings.
My mom had a daughter but she died and my grandmother and phupos were happy.. then my mm had a son and that's the only reason she was still allowed to stay with them. God help me but I want sons too coz it is very difficult to raise a daughter. One wrong step, and her entire reputation can be ruined. Desis are a vicious and pathetic lot. \
